In my corner

Five miles tonight liked to have killed me. It was hot and humid and I'm struggling with getting back in shape. I had 4 tough workouts with Marquis this week. Another 5 tough weight workouts with Steve. Trying to get back everything I lost through a year of plantar fasciitis, knee surgery, and too much work.

I took Belle to the dog park. Cutest boy ever talked to Belle by name and asked me if I was Whitney's mom. Belle and his dog Dixie, his hunting dog, and she is beautiful apparently are best friends. (If I was a 17 year old girl, I'd be at the dog park every night - wait, Whitney is at the dog park every night she's not working...)

Went back to church at Riverlawn. Have been going back to Newspring. Just never feel settled in anywhere right now. Quite possibly the best sermon I've ever heard about God being good all the time, even in the midst of our worst trials, struggles and our sin. He's always there, he never leaves, and yes, he does work it for our God. Nothing happens outside the filter of his love for us. Much more in depth than this, it was the youth pastor, and it was awesome.

Sounds like I had a pretty laid back week, but that's not true. It was busy and fun, just normal life.

I can't believe the year is half over. It's the end of June. I am just amazed at how quickly time passes.

My inner 12 year old

We had a going away dinner at work not to long ago. We are sitting at Scotch and Sirloin next to my boss and and co-workers and they were talking about a television show from the 80's. They said, "Patsy, that was your generation, I bet you watched it", to which I replied my father was a Baptist minister and he believed all the evils of the world entered the house through the television so we hadn't had one growing up.

I got the usual "That explains a lot", laughter, and then a "your dad was right".

Because we didn't have a television, I read a lot. I loved to read, but because we didn't have television, that was elevated to an almost ridiculous level. Add to the fact that it's one of the two things I'm good at, I read faster than average, I went through books. Weekly trips to the library just for me. I read every book in my Christian school library. Twice.

And these were some of my best friends through my late childhood and early teen age years.



I found this tonight at Barnes & Noble. There are 6 volumes. I bought volume 1, only because they only had 1 and 6. 2-5 will be pool reading this summer.

I was giddy on the inside. Calm and collected like a grown up woman on the outside.

Deactivate

I've been in a love hate relationship with face book since - well, since I set up a face book page.

I've recently decided to decrease my virtual footprint and I deactivated my face book page. It's something I've been thinking about but did impulsively. Funny enough?? I haven't missed it. I thought I might. But I was wrong.

I had a friend who closed hers because she said "it wasn't a good fit". And I totally understand that. She's always more polite than me.

I was pretty fed up with certain things.

Pictures of women, taken by themself, of their boobs. Seriously? Pictures of men (my family members no less) in their underwear. Women wearing the skimpiest swim suits imaginable in multiple pictures complaining that men only wanted to be their friend on face book cause they wanted to hook up with them. Look at what you are advertising.

Political rants. Your opinion is worth sharing. Your beating down everyone who doesn't agree with you? Get over yourself. Pro-choice, pro-life, women's rights, veganism, the right to love who you love (everything from same sex to grandma and grandson).

There is also the purse I wanted to buy on line. After I looked at one the very next time I logged on to face book it showed me the ad and asked if I was still interested. THE EXACT PURSE.

And of course, I've always been able to admit that I follow stalk people I'm not even friends with. I look at their pictures, I check semi - regularly to see if they've changed their pics and see if I can gain any insight into their lives. I realize how pitiful this is, but I'm interested, I want to know, but I don't want to be their friend. In fact, they would decline my request anyway. And I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing I'm interested. (I KNOW HOW SAD THIS MAKES ME SOUND).

I realized I had 75 hidden friends. Ridiculous.

The final straw was this last week and I had the most awful two days over something that stemmed from face book. And I thought why the heck am I allowing this much turmoil over something I can choose not to have. And at that moment I deactivated it.

After my Customer rant...

At work this week we found out about a restructuring of our department and some organization changes.

The complaining began.

So after my rant about Starbucks employees I was hit square in the face with the fact that my co-workers, to some extent, are just as bad.

Am I the only person who believes my employer can replace me much quicker and easier than I can replace them?

I need my job, I need my pay check, and it makes me work hard and be good to my bosses and do the best I can.

The customer

The customer is always sometimes rarely never right.

Over the weekend I saw links to two different articles about Starbucks. One was 5 ways not to order your drink and the other was things the barista doesn't think you should do. I believe the people that make your coffee should be treated with dignity and respect. I believe that good manners are always proper and necessary. Based on these two articles, however, the barista is right, and the customer is not. Apparently, the customer doesn't really even know what they want in their coffee cup, because these point out the error of our ways.

I think that if I want to order a coffee that takes 3 minutes to order because it's so specific (I don't, but if I did), if I want to pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee, you can make it the way I order it. If you want to only make them certain ways, don't offer it as a coffee house to get your coffee exactly the way you like it. If I want a cup of coffee that I pour my own cream and sugar in, I'll pay .99 cents at QT or .25 at work. If I have to lean over and yell across the lap of the person driving because they can't get my order right, just listen and take my order. I do that at Mcdonalds, Wendy's and Taco Bell. If you don't like it, find another job. People have been doing that at drive through windows since the invention of the drive through window.

If I want a grande latte in a venti cup with soy milk, no sugar and whip cream, don't judge me, just make my frickin' $5.00 cup of coffee. It pays your wage. And you don't know me. It may not be about calories at all. I may not like the taste of milk. I may like skim milk, because it's not as rich. I may like the way whip cream flavors my coffee better than sugar or syrup. And I may want to add water or ice to cool it down, or need to carry it and want an inch at the top where it won't burn my fingers and I don't need the sleeve.

I realize you make coffee at Starbucks which means you have the right to tell me how to order my drink, judge me for my drink, laugh at me after I order it, demand that I treat you with respect (it's a two way street) but whatever happened to treating the customer with dignity and respect? Whatever happened to the customer getting what they order, what they pay for? Especially at a coffee chain that is not a assembly line type store.

If you don't want to make a iced grande skinny soy no whip triple pump double espresso, go work somewhere else.

If I made a list and posted it on the web of the things my customers and suppliers did that I didn't like and judged them for how they manage their business, I most likely would get fired.

I'm guessing there are other professions that would be this way too.

Whatever happened to working hard at the job you have because that's what you are getting paid to do? Whatever happened to the food service industry? We've completely lost the "service" part of it.

Unfortunately this will not keep me away from Starbucks the once or twice a month I go. They make a delicious passion fruit iced tea that I like for about $2.50. But I order it half black half passion no water extra ice. Because if I want a glass of plain ordinary iced tea, I'll make it at home or buy it at McDonald's for $1.00.

And I will smile and order my venti skinny vanilla latte extra foam and expect to get it the way I order it. With my name spelled incorrectly on the cup. And I won't correct them because it doesn't matter. The coffee tastes the same whether the cup says "Patsy, Patsie, Patsi, or my favorite Pasty".

Ups & Downs

What an emotional roller coaster of a week.

Monday found out they are "restructuring" our jobs. It will be the same stuff we're already doing, but redesigning how everything works. And I don't know more than that, just that it's going to change. Which means I have a lot of clean up stuff to get done in the next month cause I don't know which side of the restructuring I'll land on.

Then rumors about other changes coming. My job is safe, I like my job, I'm not concerned about that, but just the unknown.

But the real emotions came from my dad. He had knee surgery two weeks ago. And he has not bounced back. Ended up this week in the ICU with dangerously low blood pressure, slow heart rate (actually, an arrhythmia) and it stopped for 6 seconds. Friday night they put a pace maker in.

He's doing much better. Much better.

For Father's Day I'll get to visit him in the hospital.

Life with all its ups and downs. So thankful for all God has given me. For all he has blessed me with.

The ups and downs.

Who do you listen to?

What voices do you listen to?

Who do you allow to speak into your life?

I have a lot to say. I'm not always right. I'm not always the popular opinion. I'm aware of this.

There are people that I let speak into my life. Wisdom. Love. Instruction.

There are people that nothing they say should have any weight in my life. But I notice that I have heard some voices that said negative, hurtful things, some voices that don't love me, that only brought pain, in fact, their presence in my life was strictly to hurt me, and yet I've allowed their words to take up more of my time than I should. Why would I listen to that?

I wonder if we knew, really knew, how harsh we were, how judgmental we were, how hurtful we were, if we would be different? I'm pretty sure I would be. I try to be kind to everyone, a friend at work is really big on the saying "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle". This strikes a chord with me. And I try.

But then, I revert back to evil Patsy ***insert demonic hysterical laugh here***

It may not actually make it out of my head into words, because I have a better filter than that, but just a "for instance",

(disclaimer - I am ashamed of myself for this, but I feel I need to share to make my point)

I saw someone walking the other day that I haven't seen in a while. And she's gotten fat. And I had gleeful, happy, unkind thoughts about that. And then was ashamed of myself. I struggle with gaining weight easily. I watch what I eat, I exercise like crazy, and I still have to be careful. DNA and genetics and a sweet tooth (and I feed my feelings) all being what they are.

But to get a kick out of someone else's struggle, well that's wrong. I don't want to be like that. I want to be kind and loving. I want my insides to match my outsides and and I want to be better. Just better.

Why is that so hard? In Romans 7:15 Paul says

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I know Paul lived thousands of years before me, but I swear he wrote this about me.

I don't have it all figured out. I'm not what I want to be or who I want to be. I don't do what I want and still do the things I hate. But God willing I'm better today than I was yesterday.

Milestones

I missed one. Milestones are important to me. AND I MISSED ONE!

Sunday, with my post about NFIM was my 1000th post. And I didn't even know it. I wasn't saving it for something special, and I don't intend to have a party, but I really wish I would've realized that.

I'm full of words. Lots of things to say. I live in a house of quiet people. God's sense of humor, I guess.

Or maybe it's just a wife/mother's life. I love my family. They are the most important people in my world. I want to know what they are doing, how their day went, all about their friends, their jobs, their dreams, their classes, etc.

My family comes home and shuts down. Zones out. Especially my offspring. College age, they are consumed with their lives, school, friends, jobs. And all their talking is with friends. I'm here to bail them out of trouble, loan give them money, cook food, see the movie when everyone is out of town, get pedicures with (cause I pay for them), etc.

But I'm not the laugh and visit and hang out with. And I realize that would be odd.

I love the stage of life Steve and I are in. We are closer than we have ever been (funny how that happened when the kids grew up), we have more money, more freedom, and lots of fun. But ever once in a while, I miss the days of little kids. I miss being the center of their world. I miss being able to fix owwies with a kiss and hug. But I get over it really quick.

Milestones.

So many passed, so many yet to come.

1000 posts. Some I'm proud of, some I can't believe came out of my head/heart, and some I can't believe I subjected you all too.

But my memories of races, and training, and life events? I get to read over them. And I really like that.

I think it's important to measure them. Celebrate life, the big things, of course, but also the small things.

Mind dump

How many pairs of sunglasses does a teenage girl need?

I really believe this.

Can you really put your husband in timeout?

Week one NFIM

I did it. I registered for another marathon. 20 weeks from today. It will get me back running and blogging, I miss both.

October 26, Niagara Falls International Marathon. I saw it on television, one of the weight loss shows the girl ran it late in her year of weight loss. I immediately put it on my list of races/places I wanted to visit. And we are registered. Hotels booked. Passport appointments made. New marathon training plan printed and stuck on the fridge.

To help get me motivated, I signed up for a 10K. It was yesterday. It was a trail. The day after flash flooding in Wichita. What an adventure. But let me back up a little bit...

I haven't ran much since I had knee surgery. Two mile turkey trot last year, on no training. But heck, it's only two miles. Followed up by the Frosty 5K New Year's Day. Again, with no training, but heck, only 3.2 miles, right? Then in April I did the Hard Charge. 4 mile mud run/obstacle course. Because I can, even without preparing. (Boy did I pay for that one).

And then yesterday. I signed up two weeks ago, Steve signed up for the marathon. I ran 3 miles 3 times and 5 miles once (walked more than I ran, but I went 5 miles). And was very nervous.

It turned out to be a very successful run for me. If you go on line and look at my time, it won't reflect that. But, here's how it went.

A portion of the bridge was washed out, so they did an out and back for the marathon and half marathon. When the 10K started 15 minutes after the half marathon, we were right behind them all on their second mile. No worries. Within half a mile I'd sloshed through ankle deep water. All the wussy non-trail runners tried to avoid it, but I've run these trails before, I knew my feet were gonna be wet and muddy the whole day. It was uneventful for the first 3 miles. And then...I hit a line of people on single trail. It was a 40 foot drop on the left, a 6 foot climb and trees and barbed wire on the right. I waited, and waited, and waited, about 35 minutes, for my turn at the part of the trail that had been washed out by the rain. They had tied a rope through the trees. I saw a few people in front of me sliding and slipping and one dropped her ear phones and we waited a little bit longer for them to be retrieved. I kept a positive attitude, which wasn't easy because people are annoying. When it was my turn, I traversed it easily. Not because I have awesome trail skills, but I have experience. Know where to put my feet, how to run in mud, etc. I used the rope for balance though, because I'm aware I can slip and I don't have a death wish.

As I hopped across, ready to let go of the rope I hear a scream, cussing and the rope jerks in my hands. I grab on and pull tight as hard as I can, out of instinct. The very large young girl behind me is dangling over the edge of the trail. We can't pull her up, but we (nice young man and I) hold the rope tight till she gets her feet under her. Then I take off running down the messy muddy trail.

I finished in 80 minutes (minus the standing around time). My slowest ever 10K was 73 minutes, last summer 5 weeks before my knee surgery. But with the added muddy trails, I am quite pleased with this. I ran every step that was runnable. I'm excited to get into real training.

All that work for this.

I've found a 10K in July I'm going to run, a women only mud run in August, and a half marathon in September.

So here's to journaling all my training adventures here.