What do I know?

Heard a really good sermon this morning. Grace, and being restored. Passages from Lamentations and Psalms asking God to restore the joy of our salvation. The story of Peter denying Christ (one of my favorites, as I've shared before) and Christ restoring him. The point was made that we need to do what we KNOW is right, not what we FEEL. As Jason talked about sliding away from God, I realized this is probably the one thing in my life I struggle with the most. Letting my feelings get in the way of what I know and that in turn leads to distance from God.
My relationship with Christ is the single most important thing in my life. If I can keep that first, and keep it right, everything else is much easier. Good reminder.

Conversations with Whitney

Whitney: Cujo was like, the best movie EVER!

Fishnets

I’m too old for an identity crisis, but seem to be experiencing one. I know who I am. I know what I like. I can embrace what I like. The identity crisis comes with my 42 year old self still loving 21 year old fashion. As the 80’s fashion comes back around, I find myself liking the same stuff I did in the 80’s. Fishnet hose, flippy skirts, lots of black, and Dr. Martens army boots. Pretty much trade the Dr. Martens for motorcycle boots and the flippy skirt for an A line and that’s what I’m wearing today. Betsey Johnson said find what you like that looks good on you and wear it with confidence. That has always been my philosophy. So as the Victorian era clothing comes into fashion, I’m really digging it. With my fishnets and boots, of course.

Love it (or them)

And yet again...

Two weekends in a row. Saturday night my son comes in with a story about a classmate that died Friday night. Fresh off the funeral of the 18 year old boy that died in a drunk driving accident last Friday night (early Saturday morning) was a boy that was a senior Nate's freshman year. He was on the baseball team at Heights. And he was one of those seniors that talked to freshman. Nate liked him, looked up to him. And he went to University of Missouri in Columbia, Missouri to watch his cousin play today. But unfortunately, last night when he stopped at a convenience store he was robbed at gunpoint and as he tried to run away, they shot him three times in the chest. Nate says Aaron was a good kid. I DON'T CARE if he was a good kid or not. I can't hardly stand the thought of the grieving parents I know right now. I haven't even told you about Max, another of Nate's classmates that died in a car accident driving to college in August. Or Mitch, who died driving back to Wichita State in August. It is heart wrenching. I know accidents happen, and people die. And I know teenagers die. But it is unbearably sad.
I do want to say to Pastor Jason Thornton of True Life Church, WAY TO GO!!! That man stood on stage and gave the good news of the gospel at Austin's funeral service Friday. As I looked around at so many kids that Nate knows, I just bowed my head and prayed that they were listening and that the Holy Spirit would work in their lives. Took a minute to pray very selfishly and thank God that my kids were believers and that they were alive.
Hopefully you won't see any more posts about dead teenagers for a while.

Conversations with Whitney

The many emotions of Whitney...
Scared

Happy

Tough

This is all from last week. Life with her is always interesting and fun.

The Future

I have been reading a book, and it's set in a carnival. It's about demons. It does include demons and the devil as being part of the Spiritual realm, and even references the Bible, although it is decidedly a secular book. I picked it up at the library, and while I won't recommend it, it has kept my interest and I'm going to finish it. The part on the fortune teller has really kept me in a grip. I know my future. No matter what this life holds, at the end of this life, I begin my real life with Jesus, and that is my future. I know my end, and I know the end of this world, because the Bible spells it out for us. Thinking about it in earthly terms though, would I want to know what the future holds? In some circumstances, it would be nice. Looking back on raising my kids, there were some things I should've done different. And a few financial decisions I shouldn't have made. I don't even want to think about dating mistakes. There are also things I'm glad I didn't know. The Bible very clearly states not to worry about tomorrow, it has enough worries of its own. If I knew the future, I'd be a mess. But God, in his all knowing wisdom has decided that we need to live one day at a time. Actually, a second by second, minute by minute approach is best for me. I need to stay firmly rooted and trust God in the here and now, because I may not have a tomorrow.
With Halloween approaching, we are surrounded with all kinds of Halloweeny type stuff. I have always let my kids trick or treat and dress up in costumes. But we celebrate "Halloween Light", all candy and cute costumes. We believe that evil exists, but not in the form of werewolves, vampires and ghosts. Along with that,
I don't believe in fortune tellers and psychics, I'm pretty sure that stuff comes from Satan and is witchcraft. And the Bible specifically calls witchraft a sin.
1 Samuel 15:2 "Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols." (Really not gonna touch on the sin of rebellion.) My future is set, I know my end, and all I can do in the near term is live my best life to honor Jesus, point the way to him to as many lost souls as I can, and look forward to that blessed appearing.

Dripping

Part 2 of Scripture Proverbs 19:13 "A foolish child is a calamity to a father; a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping."
I've been bummed, for lack of a better way to put it for the last couple weeks. There is the stress fracture, not to keep dwelling on it, but I missed the marathon and have been relegated to crew only for Steve's 100 mile race. On the good side, he has pace runners coming out of the woodwork, volunteering to run with him, and I was worried I would be the only one. Now he has three. Which is awesome. For him. I'm still bummed. I've had a sinus infection for about two months, had a shot and a z pack, and it's back again. Ear hurts. So my foot hurts and my ear hurts. I'm so fortunate that both of my pains will heal, I know people live in constant pain. It wears on you, though. I've had some ongoing junk at work. Thought it was going to work itself out, but found out Friday I'm going to have to continue on with the junk. I've been working for 10 months with the sole point in my mind that I'm working for the Lord, not for man. Because otherwise it would be impossible. And my job situation has changed in that ten months, but never for the better. My boss, his boss, and his boss all think I'm doing great job, I got good reviews, big raise, highest retention, etc. But I have to force myself to have a good attitude. I continually remind myself to work for the Lord. I constantly say remember you are a grown up. I don't say all this for pity, because I don't need it someone should really tell me to get over myself and move on, I have been blessed so much, but MAN life is hard when it comes at you from all different directions. But to get back to my point, I was walking today, (looking for Steve, he ran 50 miles on our trail and I just felt the need to check on him) and was thinking of that verse. I've not been quarrelsome, but just not my usual self. And I wondered when it would get to the point that this was normal behavior, when I had "dripped" so long that it was accepted. Steve gets to deal with my all junk, and he is a kind and longsuffering person. This is another area of my life where I'm so blessed. I don't want Steve to get used to me being unsettled and unhappy. If I'm going to drip, I want to drip good stuff. And so I will continue to adjust my attitude and my outlook on life and remember to remember all the good things. I have so many.

Calamity

Proverbs 19:13 "A foolish child is a calamity to a father"
There are several things as a parent I wasn't prepared for. And dealing with the pain of the death of a friend as teenagers was one of them. In the last 7 months, my kids have had friends die. Whitney's friend in a freak golf cart accident in March, and then one in August leaving for college, one of Nate's classmates fell asleep at the wheel. Friday night a kid from Nate's graduating class was in a car accident and died. Nate had him in class for four years, and had good friends that were friends with this kid. But this one was different. He was driving drunk. Nate said he could've told everyone this was coming. He'd already been in two or three accidents, and was a known partier. To me, this is a foolish child, a calamity to the parents. How sad his parents must be. My heart breaks for them.
With a son this age, it hits close to home. Not the drinking and driving, with five kids, I've never had to deal with that issue. But the loss of life way before it's time, in a totally preventable accident. He took out a tree and a telephone pole, from what I understand, not another car/life. I see high school kids on facebook having parties and getting wasted. Nate said he's surprised cops don't look at it and see how many kids talk about going out partying and getting wasted. I'm surprised parents don't look at that stuff. Nate tells me there are parents who don't care, and I know that to be true.
My kids have dealt with loss and grief at an earlier age than I have. I've lost grandparents and aunts and uncles, but this is different. It makes me want to print up business cards with my name and phone number and pass them out at the school, "Taxi Patsy". It also makes me want to be a street preacher on the corner of 53rd and Hillside, telling everyone how short life is and how to spend their eternity in Heaven. Foolish child.

Conversations with Whitney

And she says, "I don't need to carry a purse anymore". (Chapstick on the other side of her head)

Second place tournament last weekend at the Freshman tournament. She was thrilled to get play with these girls after moving up to JV for the second half of the season.

It's Easy

I’ve been studying through the Old Testament in my Bible Study. Reading the story of Hannah and Elkanah, so many things touched me in that story, in a different way than ever before, mostly because I’m giving up my son right now. Sure, he’s 18 and in college, not 3 going to live in the temple, I realize that’s a big difference, but it’s heart wrenching anyway. But what struck me reading last night was so simple. I had to answer a question about sin. And I can’t remember the exact question right now, and it doesn’t really matter, and this isn’t the type of answer I think they were looking for. It’s not theologically deep. My answer about sin? It’s easy. The right choice is generally harder. That’s probably why it’s called the narrow road. Why the Christian life is described “take up your cross and follow me”. When I think about this, there are so many times that the right choice takes more work. Your child misbehaves and you make excuses that they are tired and don’t discipline. Or they break curfew and you don’t ground them because then you are stuck at home with them. Or take their cell phone because then you can’t get a hold of them. Don’t judge me. A man at work tells you you look nice and you can tell he’s interested in you. Instead of walking the long way to your desk to avoid this, you continue to walk by because you don’t get enough compliments at home. You aren’t seeking him out, but you aren’t making the wise choice. And if your money is tight (and who’s isn’t?) that’s a whole new can of worms. I know there are always areas in my life that need improvement. I try and fail every day. But I’m still trying.

In my corner...

I went to the doctor...three times.
I had my first ever bone scan.
I watched 8 volleyball matches. (Only 4 left of high school season).
I cheered for my husband (and Sheila, Steve, Barb, Debbie, Robin, Scott and several people I've never met) at the marathon. Drove around to four different locations.
I started a new Bible study.
I was cranky the majority of the last two weeks. (Constant nagging pain will do that).
I watched entirely too much television. (Constant nagging foot pain will do that).
I ate an entire bag of candy corn. Twice. Is there a candy corner's anonymous group?
I looked forward to some great opportunities coming up.
I woke up to a foot that doesn't hurt. So I'm wearing my motorcycle boots, the only shoes that feel really good with the sore foot and orthotics in them, and being very thankful to be on the mend and for weather that allows me to wear boots and tights.
I saw Whitney and Steve both earn medals this weekend, one at the marathon and one at the volleyball tournament. It's so cool to earn medals and prizes for hard work.

Conversations with Whitney

Setting: South High School parking lot after a game

Whitney: Mom, can I go to FCA tonight?
Me: What?
Whitney: Fellowship of Christian Athletes. At Grant's house. Can I go? I can ride with Jada.
Me: YES!!!

I know exactly what FCA is, I was just caught off guard. Like the day she asked if she could go to See You at the Pole.

I'm thankful for...

I have been bummed about my foot for 11 days now. I haven't run for ELEVEN DAYS! Running is several things to me, an outlet, a mood booster, the ability to eat sweets, prayer time, ipod worship time, and about 6 hours a week of sweaty alone time with Steve (couldn't resist). I love it. Today I drove home by the bike path I like to run and I felt a real sense of loss. But earlier today I saw something else that took some of the sting out. My boss was supposed to attend a meeting today, but they scheduled it during his lunch hour and he had other stuff. (I have the same lunch hour). He assigned the meeting to me. I work in a huge facility. Several square miles. I park .25 of a mile from the door. If I leave at lunch I walk a mile a day. The building the meeting was in required another park about .25 miles from the door. So it was easier and the same distance to just walk the whole way. EXCEPT I have a stress fracture. I'm using one crutch to keep the weight off my right foot. I move slow. So I spent an hour and forty five minutes crutching it over a mile and up and down four flights of stairs for a 30 minute meeting attended only by other management. Not complaining, I have a good job. It provides much needed insurance. I missed lunch, my foot hurt, my armpit now hurts, as does my right hand. I work with a wonderful engineering guy who limps all the time. Bum knee. Requires replacement. Won't get well. He doesn't even walk as well as I do with crutches. And I will fully recover and be running again in November. (BONUS! Found a run in February I think I can do too, make up for the marathon I'm missing Sunday.)
All that to say, I will heal. My foot will be pain free. And on top of that, I will be more rested than I have been in 3 months. Malachi 4:2 “But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings.[a] And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture." (NLT) That will be me. Leaping, not running, LEAPING for joy like a calf let out to pasture. Probably the only time I will ever compare myself to a cow.

Training Update

There is no update. Waiting for the doctor to schedule a bone scan to see if I have stress fracture. He didn't see one on the xray, and if it's not a stress fracture he doesn't know what it is. He did say that if it was, it was right here and pushed on a spot, well away from the pain. Didn't make any sense to me. As much as I want to run, and as much as I can take pain, I am smart enough to know that if I continue running with this pain, it will only get worse. Really stinks is my plantar fasciitis is completely gone. No pain. Then this. And I have a sinus infection. Zithromaxx tripack. Hopefully it will be completely gone in another day or two. I am cranky from the sinus infection and depressed about my foot. Bad combination. I am fighting with myself, self pity versus it's not the end of the world. But self pity seems to be winning.

Conversations with Whitney

A picture is worth a thousand words...
This is Whitney's all time best friend.
(Don't ask about the butter knife at the throat, it was really done in fun)

She is the daughter of my best friend since childhood, my running partner, volleyball partner, confidant, friend.