Father's Day

Father's Day, being Sunday, we went to church. Gonna talk mostly about that, but Steve got to pick where we were eating, he chose Freddy's. YAY!!! Unhealthy food, chocolate shake for dessert. Then three of his four daughters were over for the afternoon and one granddaughter. He finished the day with a 12 mile recovery long run. And lots of carbs for supper. Father's Day is for the dads, but Steve said something to me that is forever going to make this one of my favorite holidays.

And now, I want to tell you about Father's Day service at church. It was hot, and it was outside. But, we started a sermon series in Daniel titled "Tough".

It started with a bike rally in the church parking lot. There were booths selling biker stuff (sorry, don't know the correct term) spray on tattoos, and free ice cream, hamburgers, hot dogs, water, tea, and 4 different classes of bikes to vote on in the bike show. I would guess well over 100 bikes. It was really cool.

Lots of leather and facial hair. The service ended with a version of On Christ the Solid Rock with real rappers and people break dancing in front of the stage. It might seem odd to see break dancing and rappers at the same party with bikers getting along, but when I saw the biker break dancing I just had to laugh.

The sermon was good, how can the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego not be good? "The bunny, the bunny, oh I love the bunny, I don't love my mom or my dad just the bunny". (If you don't get this, you need to watch Veggie Tales.)
The pastor ended with the plan of salvation and made the comment "your past and your present don't matter, you need to take care of your future."

This comes after I've spent a couple of months thinking about our present. We all love a good healing and restoration story. We all love the "God changed my life" story. I have found out that some friends love being your friend and saying they are your friend and being okay with your past. But when your present gets ugly they bail on you. I'm fortunate to have friends that will "get dirty" in my present with me. I've even had one that thanked me for trusting her enough to confide in her during my ugly times. That's rare.

I want to be the friend that says I don't care about your past. I don't care about your present. I'm concerned for your future. Let's forgive your past, work through your present and live for the future. Grace is for our past sins, our current sins and our future sins. It's not a one time use coupon. And if God's grace and forgiveness covers all my "stuff", then I want to be one that can love you through your "stuff." There is nothing that is so devastating as hitting rock bottom and then having people you thought would lift you up ignore you. I won't be that person.

Appearances can be deceiving

I had two humorous comments made Sunday morning. Humorous to me, but kind of sadly poignant as well. I get to church running a little late. I walk into church to the child care sign in, moving quickly (and I can walk fast, Steve has been "encouraging" me when I have to walk on my long training runs to walk fast and keep my heart rate up). I have on a dress and a pair of my ridiculously high heeled shoes that I love to wear, hair done, fashion sunglasses on, purse over my shoulder, pink diaper bag, baby on hip complete with red and white plaid shirt under denim jumper, red bows in the curly hair, red socks and white shirt, carrying my venti pumpkin spice latte, iced, (which is why I was late, it was so good, and after getting up to run at 12:30 a.m. Saturday morning and sitting for 12 hours immediately following that at a volleyball tournament a necessity but with Anneshia in the car I didn't want to run in Kwik Shop to get a cheaper one and have to carry her and make my own coffee) I check Anneshia in. The comment is made behind me by a young mother, "wow, you really have it all together." Part of this is due to the sunglasses, she can't see my laugh lines (wrinkles) to know I'm much older than her. Not that that matters, I have friends my age with toddlers. But I just smiled at her and her three little ones and moved on.
When church was over, I met Steve coming off the stage and handed him the baby, pink diaper bag and traded keys so I could stop at the grocery store. When I get to the parking lot to unlock his camaro, the mom in the mini-van next to me says, "I remember those days." What days? The days when your elementary age children are 10 years older than they are now? I wanted to laugh again. Flattered that I look younger than I am (did I mention my sunglasses are really oversized?) But I just smiled and got in the car and went to Dillons for bleach and ground beef.
Neither of these women would have benefitted from me telling them I don't have it all together, and I'm not 20 years younger than I am with my life before me. The fact that I can leave church by myself and get in a sports car and drive off is something I remember doing as well, but now I realize what a privilege/luxury/sad occasion it is. Reality? I miss my kids being little. I like the age they are now, I love being with them and relating on an adult level in many instances, but I miss things I can't get back. It's all about seasons of life. And the best advice I have for mom's in any season of life, is enjoy it. Every minute. Don't wish it away for clothes without spit up stains and donut kisses on your skirt. Don't wish for trips to the grocery store without your kids, enjoy the time with them. Because what is looked forward too right now, a trip by yourself, will become the norm. And then you will miss it. You have all the time to get everything on your list, you won't forget anything, you will get to look at what you want and comparison shop, but you will be alone. Like I said before, I enjoy a lot about this season of my life, and I'm changing with it, and making the best of it. I don't want a new baby to repeat it all. I just want to say enjoy where you are. Make the most of every minute. Because it goes too fast. I walked by a little league baseball field the other day, probably about 9 years old, and looked at those boys and was flooded with memories of a thick bodied little guy in gray pinstriped baseball pants wearing catchers gear. I now see a grown man at second base.
All that to say, you can fool people. I don't have it all together. Never have. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl, always have been, always will be. But I am confident in my not having it all together. I am confident in that fact that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I have been blessed more than I deserve, more than I thought possible.

Today is yesterdays tomorrow.

I don't do New Year's resolutions. If I need to make a change, I need to make a change now, not next week, or next year. If I plan to eat better starting Monday, I can gain three pounds in two days preparing for Monday.

Philippians 1:6 says "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (NLT)

God is expecting me to change, continually. And I want to. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. Recently I had the opportunity to see myself through anothers eyes. Someone that I respect. I value their opinion. I did not like what they saw. That doesn't make it not true. So after a period of prayer, Bible reading, and looking really hard at myself, I made changes. It was hard. It hurt. It was humbling. It was necessary. I don't always feel like making the changes, but as one of my IPOD preachers says, "fake it till you make it".

This doesn't make me fake. It just means that sometimes you have to wait for the feelings to catch up to the actions. I'm going to use a safe example. I was at Target the other day to pick up a box of pills, a package of socks and diet coke. I like Target. I have good experiences at Target. I usually shop at Walmart because it cheaper. I don't like anything about Walmart except the falling prices. This day, I got Walmart service at Target. 20 people in line. I had time to count, because there were only two registers open. Sale prices were not in the computer. 75% off Christmas merchandise had to be taken manually. When it was finally my turn, they opened 3 more lanes. The lane I was in didn't have a card reader. I asked if they could take my debit card in that lane, Sure we can. Until I handed them my card and they realized they didn't have a card reader. We had to move to another register. 45 minutes for my 3 items. I wanted to tell the lady what I thought of their efficiency. I could manage Target so much better. Instead I smiled (grimaced?) and said thank you, have a good day. Because God would not have been honored with me telling this clerk how I really felt. I really did want her to have a good day. I was just inconvenienced and irritated. (And I hate going back to a store and apologizing to someone for being rude. Humiliating.)

I CAN put actions in place and let the feelings catch up with them. If I wait till I feel something to act on it, it most likely will never get done. If I act, the feelings usually catch up somewhere during the action. The good work will not be completed on this earth, but it will be on the day Christ Jesus returns. Until then I remain imperfect, but willingly and actively changing.