I had two humorous comments made Sunday morning. Humorous to me, but kind of sadly poignant as well. I get to church running a little late. I walk into church to the child care sign in, moving quickly (and I can walk fast, Steve has been "encouraging" me when I have to walk on my long training runs to walk fast and keep my heart rate up). I have on a dress and a pair of my ridiculously high heeled shoes that I love to wear, hair done, fashion sunglasses on, purse over my shoulder, pink diaper bag, baby on hip complete with red and white plaid shirt under denim jumper, red bows in the curly hair, red socks and white shirt, carrying my venti pumpkin spice latte, iced, (which is why I was late, it was so good, and after getting up to run at 12:30 a.m. Saturday morning and sitting for 12 hours immediately following that at a volleyball tournament a necessity but with Anneshia in the car I didn't want to run in Kwik Shop to get a cheaper one and have to carry her and make my own coffee) I check Anneshia in. The comment is made behind me by a young mother, "wow, you really have it all together." Part of this is due to the sunglasses, she can't see my laugh lines (wrinkles) to know I'm much older than her. Not that that matters, I have friends my age with toddlers. But I just smiled at her and her three little ones and moved on.
When church was over, I met Steve coming off the stage and handed him the baby, pink diaper bag and traded keys so I could stop at the grocery store. When I get to the parking lot to unlock his camaro, the mom in the mini-van next to me says, "I remember those days." What days? The days when your elementary age children are 10 years older than they are now? I wanted to laugh again. Flattered that I look younger than I am (did I mention my sunglasses are really oversized?) But I just smiled and got in the car and went to Dillons for bleach and ground beef.
Neither of these women would have benefitted from me telling them I don't have it all together, and I'm not 20 years younger than I am with my life before me. The fact that I can leave church by myself and get in a sports car and drive off is something I remember doing as well, but now I realize what a privilege/luxury/sad occasion it is. Reality? I miss my kids being little. I like the age they are now, I love being with them and relating on an adult level in many instances, but I miss things I can't get back. It's all about seasons of life. And the best advice I have for mom's in any season of life, is enjoy it. Every minute. Don't wish it away for clothes without spit up stains and donut kisses on your skirt. Don't wish for trips to the grocery store without your kids, enjoy the time with them. Because what is looked forward too right now, a trip by yourself, will become the norm. And then you will miss it. You have all the time to get everything on your list, you won't forget anything, you will get to look at what you want and comparison shop, but you will be alone. Like I said before, I enjoy a lot about this season of my life, and I'm changing with it, and making the best of it. I don't want a new baby to repeat it all. I just want to say enjoy where you are. Make the most of every minute. Because it goes too fast. I walked by a little league baseball field the other day, probably about 9 years old, and looked at those boys and was flooded with memories of a thick bodied little guy in gray pinstriped baseball pants wearing catchers gear. I now see a grown man at second base.
All that to say, you can fool people. I don't have it all together. Never have. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl, always have been, always will be. But I am confident in my not having it all together. I am confident in that fact that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I have been blessed more than I deserve, more than I thought possible.
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