Monday, April 17, 2017

Naked and Afraid

Steve and I watch this show. I have a PSR (primitive survival rating) of zero. I like my comforts.

I get a real kick out of contestants saying "you guys at home have no idea how hard this is. This is no joke". Really? I'm scared of the garter snake in my yard. Anaconda or black mamba? Terrified. Jaguars? I'm scared of the neighbors Dachshund. I send my steak back if it isn't cooked right. No way i'm eating rat-ka-bobs. I whine if I step on a sand burr. I've seen the thorns. Naked and afraid? The thing I'm least scared of is being naked.

I am fascinated by the strength of will these people have. The survival skills. The toughness. The fearlessness.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I thought about the things I'm afraid of. Then the verse above came to mind. There are things I'm afraid of. Obviously I'm not going to audition for Naked and Afraid. Because I don't want to be one, and I already am the second. But I don't need to be afraid of anything.

I've been singing this old hymn in my mind all evening.

How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

I'm going to keep these words close to me, and "fear not".

Sunday, April 16, 2017

He is Alive

A comment of facebook directed me back to my blog today. A friend of mine commented on this post

As I read it, I am still amazed at the power of God. And I'm frustrated with myself at how little I rely on the strength that I have as a child of God.

I intend to dust my blog off and begin sharing more regularly. I enjoy browsing through all the things I've shared. And since I don't journal, this is my way of holding tight the things that are worth saving.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Wormwood, or one of his pals

C.S. Lewis authored "The Screwtape Letters".

It is written in a satirical, epistolary style and while it is fictional in format, the plot and characters are used to address Christian theological issues, primarily those to do with temptation and resistance to it. First published in February 1942,[1] the story takes the form of a series of letters from a senior Demon Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood, a Junior Tempter. The uncle's mentorship pertains to the nephew's responsibility in securing the damnation of a British man known only as "the Patient". (from Wikipedia)

I love this book. I know that Satan is not omnipresent, so there are demons dispatched to do his dirty work. And they are good. I have been feeling under attack recently. You know how it is, you step out to do something new for God. It may not even be big by most people's standards, but it stretches you. And because it stretches you, it brings you closer to Christ and Satan doesn't like that, so enter your own personal demon.

It's an election year, for crying out loud, how can I be important enough to be under attack? Yet, I feel that I am. And my very own "Wormwood" knows the things to whisper in my ear. He knows how to get in my head. He knows what I struggle with. He knows my fears and insecurities and he really works them.

Since I know this, you would think it would remove his power over me. And most of the time, I am pretty strong. Except for when I'm not.

I hold onto my Scriptures that tell me I'm strong, Colossians 1:11 "God will strengthen you with his own great power so you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient"; and a lifetime favorite, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (on the back of my work out shirt it references this Scripture and says "tell me I can't".

As "Wormwood" continues to whisper that I'm not good enough to serve God in any area, because I'm a loser. Seriously, he uses that word for me. Whispers I'm too old and not sexy enough for my husband. Tells me I'm weak and not smart enough or talented enough or funny enough, or wise enough, and that I talk too much and I talk before thinking. And this is not something I live with, just brief moments here and there where he sneaks it in. I choose not to listen, not to believe.

I am a child of God. Beautiful, precious, worthy. And that is enough for me.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

24 years ago

I've been missing writing. What better day to get back to it than a day that is special to me?

My man child turns 24 today. I love him. I miss him. He moved to Lawrence, Kansas earlier this year.

He is not the man I raised, not on the path I chose for him. He is better. He is his own man, and he is a good man, and in his words, "I like myself, Mom. You should be proud of that."

And I am proud of him.

Seeing him as a self sufficient, productive, happy adult makes me feel like I've accomplished something worth celebrating. So tomorrow, (Friday) we are going to Lawrence to celebrate him, his birthday with him and his girlfriend. I may have went overboard, it looks a little like Christmas, the amount of presents. (They are wrapped in the family tradition of Calvin & Hobbs cartoons.)