Thursday, August 30, 2012

you are healed

Alone. Always alone.

The bleeding never stopped long enough for her to perform the purification rituals so she was always unclean, always alone. She had spent everything she had on doctors and they were unable to heal her.

She had given up.

she had accepted it. alone.

she saw the crowd following jesus and she fell in behind them. her scarf pulled tight around her pale face, afraid someone might see her. if only she could get to jesus. he could make her well. she knew it. she had heard of his miracles, the people he had healed.

she hung back at the edge of the crowd until it began to surge towards him.

she was carried with the frenzied crowd closer and closer. almost there. she was almost to jesus.

she reached out and her fingers grazed the hem of his robe.

oh. what was that feeling? she couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t feel weak and dizzy. it had been so long since she felt good, but she felt good. she was healed. jesus had healed her. she slid back into the crowd.

“who touched me?” he said.

no one answered, no one stepped forward. the men with him asked him what he meant, there were so many people around. but he wanted to know.

she told him and he looked at her with the kindest eyes she had ever seen and said “your faith has healed you”

i wish my faith was this strong. it is after, all, the same jesus.

mark 5:24-34
so jesus went with him.

a large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25and a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 she had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 when she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “if i just touch his clothes, i will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 at once jesus realized that power had gone out from him. he turned around in the crowd and asked, “who touched my clothes?”
31 “you see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘who touched me?’ ”

32 but jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 he said to her, “daughter, your faith has healed you. go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

i have learned

when you have a virus that is causing dizziness and nausea and you are driving behind a guy that runs over a skunk the force of that virus is intensified about 100 times.

when given the option regarding cookies “peanut butter or chocolate chip” the correct answer is always both.

if you are eating said cookie while walking through a construction zone (at work) focus more on the heavy machinery than the cookie.

dishes will not do themselves.

all the neighborhood cats know i’m an easy mark and come to my front door when they want milk. i don’t even like cats.

Monday, August 27, 2012


i read proverbs 31 today. no particular reason. just did. proverbs typically are uplifting to me, much like reading the psalms is soothing.

there were a few things that really stuck out to me.

first off, you all know that if you read it on a poster in pinterest it's true, right?

i see so many women listing what is wrong with men today. how men should treat women. how men should quit dumping the beautiful smart women for uneducated whores. their word, not mine. what they want in a man. nowhere have i seen women listing what they should be doing for the man. and yet...

proverbs 31 is dedicated to telling women what kind of woman/wife/mother they should be.

i don't get it right. best i can say is i try, about 90% of the time.

verse 12 says she brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. it doesn't say when he is treating her like a princess. it doesn't say when he is watching the bachelorette and holding her hand. as many times as i've read this chapter, i'm not sure this scripture ever spoke to me like it did today. bring him good, not harm, all the days of her life. there are no conditions. no matter what he does, how he behaves, what he says.

verse 17 says her arms are strong. i don't know what the correct theology here is, but i think it means she makes her arms strong. she works hard. she works out to be strong and healthy.

ruth was definitely working
karenswhimsy/public domain images

verse 25 says she is clothed in strength and dignity. i love this one, even though i miss it a lot. but mostly, i've always leaned toward the dignity part. but with sticking on verse 17, i'm thinking about the strength part.

verse 27 says she doesn't eat the bread of idleness. again with my theology, but i take that to mean SHE IS BUSY. she has a full calendar, and she keeps up with it. how many times do we complain about how busy we are? well, life is for living. rest, certainly. take vacations, breaks, sleep. but there is nothing wrong with having a full life.

the biblical model of woman in the bible was strong. dignified. she works hard. she takes care of her house. she takes care of her children. she is good to her husband. she speaks with wisdom. she is not idle. and she fears the lord.

this chapter is a guide for women. how we should behave. and after all, we are only responsible for our behavior. everyone will answer for theirs.

Friday, August 24, 2012

you gotta believe

yesterday marquis told me he was in town and asked me to come hear him speak at a school. i know he is a motivational speaker as well as a trainer, and so i went. not knowing anything about the function except time and location.

as i listened to him, i was proud of him. i've known him since the end of june, but i was proud of him. the five weeks i spent training with him changed how i train. intensity. what i do. and it changed how i perform.

when he says "average stops here, what are you going to do" i laughed. when he said "you gotta believe you can do it" i knew i couldn't outrun him.

what i didn't realize until my two races was the impact those words and the training had.

when i was lost with two miles to go in a race, when i should've been done, i didn't walk or cry or have someone come get me. i ran harder after i should've been done. that's because he showed me that i could do more than i thought. and average may have stopped there, but i didn't want to accept average.

when i signed up to run a 5k on a day i had a long training run and i ran 15 miles in the morning and then ran at a hard effort for another 3.2 that night, that is again because he showed me i had more in me than i thought i did. i believed i could finish strong.

i'm looking forward to this race season. i am running hills. doing (attempting) pullups on trees. bear crawls, all sorts of torture. because i know i can do it.

when he got to the end of his talk and there was a (hidden) message and a thank you to me, no one else knew it was for me. no one else even knew i was there. no one else knew who i was. but i knew. and i hope i've been able to do a little for him, for all he did for me. my first trainer helped me get stronger. marquis gave me so much more than a work out.

what kind of encouragement do you need today? do you believe?

one of my favorite verses

Col 1:11 "God will strengthen you with his great power so you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient".

it doesn't say he will remove your troubles. it doesn't say he will give you everything you want. it doesn't say it will be easy. it says he will strengthen you with his power. and be patient.

whatever my troubles are, i rely on his strength, his power, and i don't give up.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

lessons from the trail part 14 - it's hard to change

i want immediate results. i want easy.

but nothing replaces hard work and discipline.

i've been running faithfully for four years. i love it. i miss it when i can't for extended periods of time (stress fractures, surgery, etc.).

i may dread getting up in the morning (laugh here, sheila) and i may have to force my way out the door some evenings.

i am never sorry i did it.

i realized working with marquis that my running has been easy. i take it easy. i walk when it gets hard. i cut some runs short. i rarely push myself. i want to get stronger and faster, but i wasn't doing anything to get there. it takes hard work.

a 12 mile run or a marathon or a hike is hard work, not saying it's not. but i have been making it as easy on myself as possible.

recently, i have had a couple times in a workout that was so hard i wished i could do something else. for instance, 2 minutes of burpees had me wishing for sprints and grateful when i got to cause it was easier.

but then the half mile of sprints had me jealous of the women in the easy zumba class (i can call it easy, i've taken that class with that instructor, i have a frame of reference, but i never thought it was easy before the burpees and sprints) i could see through the window as i ran sprints on the track.

i realized in a hill workout this week that my philosophy in training has changed. i used to never run hills. even in short training runs. now, i do my tuesday night training run, always 4 miles, and run four miles of hills. there is a stretch in the trail right outside my door that is .25 of a mile long and consists of two hills. i run down, up, across the.07 of a mile, back down the other side, up, and across 16 times to get 4 miles in. and i don't take it easy, except on the flat part. because i was avoiding what would make me stronger. change to get better.

it's never easy changing behaviors. working out, eating healthy.

there are other behaviors in addition to fitness and nutrition.

if you haven't been reading your bible regularly, finding time for it can be work.
going to bed earlier because you know you aren't getting enough sleep.
saving money, the discipline to put it in savings and leave it there can be tough.

but if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

whatsoever things are true

phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest,

ahhh, the wonderful world of the internet. where we share more than we should. where we can pretend (or actually believe???) we are something we are not.

i wandered as i browsed the web - and i had 12 hours at the spine hospital yesterday with msnbc on and a bad library book to read - everything from facebook, twitter, blogs and pinterest, if we are really that disillusioned about ourselves.

i know many people that know me read this, and a few of them will (and have) called me out on past behaviors. i'm really glad they do. maybe not at the time, but eventually i am glad.

i think we all have areas of our lives where certain things are the norm. ways of dress, behavior, talk. do we compromise those? or do we live our lives as us. the unique wonderful way god made us?

one thing that i've learned that makes me different is that i like to wear dresses. at work, even in a professional office environment it's rare to see dresses. maybe i should be more specific, i like girly dresses. and i wear them grocery shopping, to whitney's volleyball games, to church, pretty much wherever i'm going.

and i stick out a lot of times. funny thing is, if you put me in khakis and a black tee shirt, i feel awkward. i do on occasion wear jeans, but even prefer them with pretty shirts and heels. (or sports tee shirts and tennis shoes, but if i'm going that way, i'm probably wearing sweat pants or yoga pants and actually working out.

this is a surface reality for me. but what is inside me? am i a hypocrite? do i talk about god and scripture and share positive uplifting spiritual truths on one pinterest board and call it "wisdom" and then call one "humor" or "things that make me laugh" share off color things, speak bad about men and even other women, calling them names and parts of the body and even plain out foul language? (i will share areas where i have seen hypocrisy in my life, later. can't take too much self flagellation in one day.).

think twice about what i say/type/post. one got away from me this week, i typed something i shouldn't have (even though i meant it and know it was true doesn't mean that i should've shared it) and scheduled it to post. when i proofread it (after it posted) i edited it and took the offensive sentence down.

i want my life to line up with god's word. with the life of a follower of jesus. but i want to be the kind of follower that is not afraid to get out of her boat and go to jesus.

Luke 9:23-24 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

daily. follow. jesus.

taking up my cross doesn't sound fun. carrying a cross in biblical times was a pretty horrific experience. and it doesn't say you MAY have a cross to carry. it says to pick up your cross. defninitive. there is a cross. i wander, can we truly follow if we aren't carrying our cross? theologues? peggy? jenny? people smarter then me? any answers?

even if it means to walk the path less traveled.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

i love this by Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

where do you find adventure?

you know i'm all about adventure.

i saw this on facebook...
"summer is the time for adventure"

so i looked. it was advertising the game "oregon trail" available on droids and iphones.

it made me laugh. adventure in a game on your cell phone. it's not my kind of adventure. i play games on my cell phone. words with friends and sudoku, when i don't have a book on my kindle app i haven't read. (don't get the wrong idea, i'm not a brainiac, these are just what i enjoy).

i realize that we all have our escapes. when life gets to be too much, what do you do? i have a couple, i workout. i clean. i read my bible. i break things (it has to get really bad for me to get to this point, but i feel so much better after i smash things and then clean it up, except when it is something i wish i hadn't broke because it was a gift or can't be replaced. but what's done is done).

and if i feel the need to really escape, i run.

so if you find adventure in a video game or on line good for you. if that is your escape, glad you have one.

i'm finding more and more that my soul craves the outdoors and god's beautiful creation. that my body wants the activity. wants to be pushed, to feel strong and tired at the same time. that my mind wants to wander, not be focused on a task or caught up in a book or television show. that i need to feel free, at least for a few hours a week.

my next adventure is the hawk marathon in september, a trail run at clinton lake in lawrence, kansas, (i'm always happy to go there, get to see nate), and i'm very excited about that.

what's your escape? your idea of adventure

Monday, August 20, 2012

rewind again...

i posted last year about this time that I hit the rewind button on my life and went back to 1990 and heard my favorite local college band.

it was about this time steve had knee surgery and toe surgery. right now, we are getting ready for his back surgery (tomorrow)

disability papers, doctor visits, time off from work. it was also first week of school and for the first time in 15 years it feels like an exact repeat of the year before. just whitney. Same school, same schedule, same kid. or is it???

how can she look so grown up

and then so young?

those déjà vu moments kind of weird me out. i’m kind of a creature of habit. like most, i get up about the same time every day, sometimes a little earlier or later, but not noticeably so. i shower, either before or after i run, brush my teeth, drink a diet coke.

i eat the same foods, small variations, but breakfast bar, granola bar, or fruit and yogurt, lunch is generally a salad. i get my workouts in, i run the same days every week, in theory.

housework, laundry, grocery shopping, carpool. to a large extent I hit rewind every sunday night and start over. that’s kind of a comfort. having routine. and this doesn't feel like rewind.

the weird stuff of repeating things that just don’t feel right or throw you off your game are not, well, they are not comfortable.

i was pretty stressed last week. typically i deal with stress fairly well. (or i think i do, don’t tell me different).

i can always tell when I’m on edge in one certain area of my life. when i’m behind the steering wheel. when i’m frustrated at the grandmas taking their kids to school driving 10 mph under the speed limit (this would be my mom). when the freshman parents don’t know the "proper" way to drop their kids off in the drop zone. when i’m mad at the rail road for letting a train go through town at 7:45 a.m. who schedules these things anyway? when i can’t drive and stay sane, i know i’m at my breaking point. (so i sit in the back seat with whitney driving and denae in the front seat. we took the scenic route, several times, because i wasn't paying attention or giving direction, but all roads lead to home...eventually).

so i went shopping. looked at furniture, it’s about time. (my kids are fighting over my old worn out comfortable couch and whitney thinks I should just put it in nate’s old bedroom). i worked out. i read my Bible. i browsed pinterest. (okay, sheila and cate's pinterest). i’m finding that’s not a good past time for me. i make what i like, i’ve already completed 3 projects and i haven’t been on it very long. found a shirt i fell in love with, so i bought it.

i feel better. the weekend leveled things out, and knowing tomorrow will help his pain makes a difference.

i did make a list of chores i want to get done in the days i’m home taking care of steve. fall housecleaning. i have 10 pairs of his old running shoes that need to go to the union rescue mission. (they are like new on the top, and the soles are in good condition, they just don’t have any running miles left in them). a closet that needs to be cleaned out. mirrors to replace. or at least get the glass ordered.

fortunately, steve’s an easy patient, so i should be able to accomplish several things. and he will feel better and be on the road to recovery.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

training update

first off, i'm dealing with the disappointment that steve is out of commission run/race wise for three months. i run more/better when he is training too. especially having a tough time with it because he got into cascade crest 100 today, made it off the wait list. we had to cancel our plans for seattle, and i was pretty excited about going. of course, there is next year, and we will register him for it again. if i can find a way to get a car from the turn around point back, i might just be his pacer. i guess i should fill him in on this plan too.

i took the weekend off from running. did my hill work and ran this week, but this weekend did hours on the elliptical instead. wanted to give my legs a break. hawk marathon in 3 weeks. i'm pretty comfortable with my training for this one. (note: 50 mile training for rocky raccoon will commence september 17, so this is a good kick off for it).

since steve doesn't have a race schedule to plan around and i have whitney's volleyball schedule, i've looked at several races i want to run, some are shorter distances, just for fun. i haven't narrowed down which ones i'll do, but here's what is on the radar:

hawk marathon - lawrence, september 8, registered

see jane run half marathon - wichita, september 15, depends how i feel after hawk

monster run 4 miles of terror - el dorado lake, october 5, registered

prairie fire marathon - wichita, october 14, never planned on this one, same weekend as our "local" 100 mile race, heartland, that steve was registered for. now i can, so considering.

zombie apocalypse 5k - wichita, october 27, depends on post-season volleyball

inspire hope 8k (5 miles) - wichita, november 3, considering

pilgrim pacer marathon - kansas city, november 10, really want to run this one

turkey trot 10 mile - wichita, november 17, will run this one, first race i ever rance, have run it every year since. fun race, like the course and time of year fits perfect.

jingle bell run 5k - wichita, december 1, considering

i've stayed in touch with marquis, his kc chiefs tryout is september 1. if he (unfortunately) comes back to wichita, i will be on my own with him for 3 months till steve can exercise again. that will either whip me into shape or kill me. or refund me enough money to pay for the majority of the races above.

Friday, August 17, 2012

conversations with whitney

whitney: i'm trying to cutback and i come home to a twelve pack in the fridge (dr. pepper). pats her stomach

me: i didn't know you were cutting back.

whitney: yes. just water and skim milk for me from now on.

me: only skim milk...on your cocoa pebbles.

whitney: i will never give up cocoa pebbles. you can only cut back so much.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

lessons from the trail part 13 - look forward, not back

steve and i were talking about the past. okay, he was telling me to leave the past where it is.

because my children grew up in the 90’s, it’s best said by...

pumbaa: it's times like this my buddy timon here says: you got to put your behind
in your past.

timon: No, no, no. amateur. lie down before you hurt yourself.

i rarely look over my shoulder when i’m running. i have stopped and looked at a particularly tough area of the trail to see it from both sides. when I climbed in boulder i took a picture looking up. then i took one from the top of the mountain looking down. (interesting that they were both where i was going…)

when i waded the water crossing at the rockin’ k, i looked back to see what i had just finished. that may have been the only time. i stop and look and enjoy the scenery and the view, but i find i’m always looking where i’m going, not where i’ve been.

it’s time to put this in practice in the rest of my life. i believe in moving forward. but I’m not too sure i haven’t let looking backward affect me negatively.

some areas it’s okay to reflect, for instance, my kids when they were little. but it’s not healthy to dwell on it and miss them all being home to the point that i sit and cry. just remember it as happy, albeit (can you believe i just used the word albeit? i started to take it out but it made me laugh) crazy time of life and think about the good now, and better coming.

how many people in the bible put their behinds in their past as they moved forward for god?

the apostle paul quit killing christians and became a mighty man of god.

the disciple peter quit being scared and denying jesus and taking his eyes off of him to become one of the greatest preachers of the first century (or ever).

rahab put her past as a prostitute behind her to help the spies that came to jericho escape and is listed in the lineage of jesus.

john the baptist had a whole ministry of preparing for what was to come. telling people someone great was coming, look forward, etc.

the view of where i’m going is more exciting than the view of where i’ve been.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

does that make me crazy?

i ate ranch dressing on my salad and felt like i was splurging...

Monday, August 13, 2012


do you ever wonder why?

why did this happen?
why didn't this happen?

and my favorite, why did it happen to me?

it's closely followed by it's relatives,

how and what

how come?

what did i do to deserve this?

these are dangerous questions to spend too much time on. mostly because usually there aren't answers. and if there are, in my case, the answers don't help.

isaiah 55:8-11 "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what i desire and achieve the purpose for which i sent it".

i find a lot of comfort in this passage. there is no room to mistake what god is saying here. he knows more. his ways and thoughts are better.

i have memorized this scripture in a couple of different translations of the bible, which should be a good thing, except they get all jumbled up now. basically, though, i have it hidden in my heart that "my ways are not your ways" and i never forget that. i might question, but when i do, this passage is usually quick to come to mind that he knows more. and he will accomplish what he desires.

mine is to accept that he wants better for me than i want for myself. that he knows what is good, no, better for me than i know myself.

do you ever have questions? do you accept that god knows more and leave it in his hands? is it as hard for you as it me?

Sunday, August 12, 2012

the adventures of wander woman

i ran my first 5k saturday. it was the glow run, started at 8:45 p.m. since it was in wichita, next to the bike path i run on frequently, started across the street from the minor league ball field nate has played a few games at, less than a mile from the public library and within running distance to my parents house (i run 20 miles, everywhere is running distance, lol) i was certain i would not get lost. i was more concerned about the number of people running. there were a lot.

i ran with a team, we were named "the real housewives of sedgwick county". we had tee shirts made, put nicknames on the back. here is the team, i only knew the two women on either side of me, signed up to run with carrie. we got separated about a mile in when she went left around some walkers and i got stuck behind them.

and the back of my shirt with my nickname

it was a bit of a rough run for me, 4 weeks out from the hawk marathon, and i have registered for it so i'm committed now. i had a long training run saturday, so i ran 15 miles saturday morning and then back out for my last 3.2 at the glow run. i was prepared for it to be a rough start, at least. but other than the callous on the bottom of my foot that's been bothering me, i was okay. once i stopped and took my socks off and ran without them it was much better. it was really a good time.

Official time 34:19 and i was thrilled with my day of running. Celebrated with a braum's strawberry shortcake sundae.

Friday, August 10, 2012

conversations with whitney

walking out of dick’s sporting goods after buying volleyball shoes

whitney: can we go to target? i brought my birthday money.

me: yes, i need to get food stuff too.

whitney: yes you do. i’ve eaten nothing but frosting for four days.

me: there is other food in the house

whitney: i know. but i ate all the white frosting first before i had to start on the chocolate.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

lessons from the trail part 12 - what's hidden will hurt you

i got a pedicure a couple weeks ago. i don’t do this often. because i run, my feet are tender in places, calloused in places, thin toenails, etc. i typically do my own pedicure, complete with pumice and cuticle removal, etc. because i know what hurts and when to take it easy. but i splurged and had someone else do it.

i never paint my toenails (i heard that collective gasp as you all pictured my naked toenails during sandal season). but on this day i left with lovely bronze sparkly toes. i couldn’t stop staring, they were so pretty.

then i ran the lunar trek. guess what i didn’t think to check? the length of my toenails under the polish. what is acceptable for a 4-6 mile run is not acceptable for 20 or more miles. once my feet start swelling my toes push into my shoes and if the toenails are left long they rub against the end/top of the shoe and loosen and blisters form under the toenail and it’s painful and eventually you are left with “black toenail”, no explanation needed. takes about 6 months to get back to normal.

i have two black toenails because they were hidden under the pretty polish.

john 3:20-21 “all who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 but those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what god wants.

made me wander what i needed to bring into the light.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

does that make me crazy?

i get overwhelmed by the cereal aisle in the grocery store.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

days like this

i didn’t sleep well/much for the second night in a row

got up at 4:45 to run. felt like my shirt was choking me, kept pulling at the neck. finally looked at it and had it on backwards.

four miles took ten minutes longer than it should have because i walked too much.

was starving when i started running so on the way home from sheila’s stopped at mcdonald’s for breakfast. totally negated the calories burned running four miles.

left my windows cracked. unbelievable for july in kansas, rogue thunderstorm. had to run the third of a mile to the car in my dress and heels to put my windows up. put on my running shoes, they are in the car for my second workout of the day, meeting steve on my way home for more running fun and ran through the rain (quite a bit faster) on my way back in.

my trainer that i absolutely have loved working out with is on his way to kansas city for chiefs training camp and a tryout on september 1. i really hope his nfl dreams come true. i really do...?

everything at work today turned to crap. nothing went smooth.

i'm freezing. i'm wearing a jacket with a blanket over my lap. i may have to go outside and warm up.

they took all the lights out over my desk because the glare on the computer across the aisle was bothering my co-worker that sits there. so i'm cold and in the dark.

it’s only 1:30 and i’m starving again.

Monday, August 6, 2012

what i know that god knows

he knew i'd fail, he created me

he knew i'd never be good enough, only he is perfect

he knew i'd have self esteem issues, he wants me to fill up with him

he knew i'd think i wasn't pretty enough, he tells me i'm beautiful

he knew i'd love him, i was made to love

he loves me...because he chooses to

Sunday, August 5, 2012

60 seconds

50 minutes of sprints later...

marquis: "one more set of sprints and you're done. come to me and back, and repeat"

crap, he's on the 40 yard line. maybe it will just be two times
nope, three times, four times,

50 yard line

marquis: "when you get to me, you are done. GO"

head up, eyes focused, shoulders forward, relax...
arms pumping, knees driving, feet digging in..
he's moving, on no, he's moving...

80 yard line

he's speeding up to stay ahead of steve

dig deep, harder, faster


now don't throw up. don't put your arms over your head.
slooooowwwww deeeeppppp breaths. don't gasp. control
don't cry. don't cry. DON'T CRY.

you can do the hard things

Friday, August 3, 2012

conversations with whitney

via twitter, while she is watching usa women's olympic volleyball with my father

“it used to be the united states couldn’t get a good call. we had communist judges.” lmbo. my grandpa hates communists. wut?

Thursday, August 2, 2012

lessons from the trail part 11 – pain is not weakness leaving the body

pain is not weakness leaving the body, pain is a build up of lactic acid in your muscles that comes from pushing yourself in exercise.

if you tell your trainer this when he says “push through, pain is weakness leaving the body” it will most likely get a laugh. it did for me.

i am sore pretty much all the time, muscle wise. not injury wise. workout with trainer, run, workout with trainer, run, go to the gym, long run (15 - 20 miles right now for marathon training).

weakness for me is mental. my body can do way more than i push it to. but it tells my mind to stop and my mind listens. my mind has to be stronger than my body.

running hills sprints liked to killed me. all kinds of torture. we were at our last set. 10 sprint repeats. the hill was probably 25 yards long and pretty steep. i stood at the bottom waiting to catch my breath and start back up. 10 more times. in my head i was saying (gasping, because i was so worn out that even the voice in my head was gasping due to limited oxygen) "i can't do it. i can't do it." i said this for the first 5 times i sprinted up the hill.

5 left to go and i'm continuing to say to myself "i can't do this". it must've shown on my face. at the bottom of the hill steve looked at me and said, "you can do it, pain is temporary". not weakness, temporary. i sprinted (sprint is the correct term because of the effort expended, not the speed achieved) the last five simply because i knew when i was done it wouldn't hurt anymore. i could've quit, but that pain? the pain of quitting? hurts worse.

discipline. digging deep to do the hard things. whether physical, mental, spiritual or emotional.

pushing through the pain to strength. doing it even when your own voice is telling you you can't.

when i was at mile 23 of a 22 mile run last friday night/saturday morning, i called steve and simply said "i'm lost". i can't begin to list all the emotions i was feeling. but i realized two days later that the one thing that i didn't feel was like quitting. i told the race director when steve gave him the phone so he could tell me where i was that i didn't run all night to not get a finish.

two things i had never had, a dnf (did not finish) and last place. i got one of them, i was last place. or 11th place, that sounds better. and i always thought that would hurt. but it doesn't. i finished. and i ran harder and faster the last 6 miles of that race than i did any of the first 19. pain is not weakness. pain is temporary, in this case, 4 days temporary...

that mindset that pushes, that refuses to give up, that won't quit, that hopes?

it's not about running. it's about life.

it helps with the running. but that feeling of "i can do this", that something better is at the end of this trial (trail? lol), this obstacle? it's what keeps me going, wandering through life.

and when you have pushed through the pain to the reward, the pain truly is temporary.

the reward saturday morning was a finish.

the reward in other areas? too many to list.

i've been blessed.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

does that make me crazy?

I just registered for a 50 mile race in february.