Tuesday, July 30, 2013

You should've treated me better

Thanks to my friend Lisa for this...

I had someone very angry at me for something(s) I said on my blog in the past. It was not directed AT her as much as it was ABOUT her. Was I kind? Not always. Did I say her name? Never. If you know me and know me well, you would've known what I was talking about.

She called me ignorant, stupid, boring, pathetic, pitiful, and "someone almost old enough to be my mom should know better". She emailed me, texted me, blogged publically about me and it was humiliating. I retaliated. Not proud of it, but not ashamed ever of what I said. I mean, I addressed behaviors and vented journaled about my feelings, but I didn't call names or use mean adjectives like immature, self delusional, arrogant, pompous, uncaring, mean, etc.

So I loved this.

You want to be wrote about like a heroine or a princess, write your own story. You want me to write warmly about you, don't insert yourself in my life where you don't belong with destructive actions (and then attack me with your words as well).

Having said that, I wandered "what would Jesus do?" And as I thought about my Bible stories, Jesus was kind and loving. But...he could throw down when necessary.

"Let you who has never sinned throw the first stone". Sounds like Jesus may have been calling them out, saying "what's your story".

Or when he threw the money changers out of the temple. Can't imagine he said "I'm gonna have to ask you all to take your livestock and birds and get out of my Father's house. You are using it for illegal and immoral purposes." He THREW them out, and said they were making his Father's house a den of thieves. Not feeling the love (warmth) here.

As usual, it took this poster and a devotional to prick me on something. Matthew 18:21-35 is the passage "forgive 70 X 7 (or infinity). Then it's followed by the parable of the servant who was forgiven a huge debt, but wouldn't forgive the small one owed him. And I think I've forgiven. The wounds are healed. Still tender skin, it can be pricked and I feel it, but the pain? Nahh.

This was followed with a excerpt from In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado. He tells the story of a little boy who goes to the pet store to buy a puppy. Picks out a skinny one from the back of the box with a limp leg. The pet store owner tells him he doesn't want that one, but the little boy insists and as he heads out of the store the owner notices the little boys limp and brace, for his crippled leg.

I feel like the puppy in the back of the box with the limp leg that was chosen. Because Jesus knows what we feel. He can relate t what we are going through. He really does get us.

And he speaks warmly about us, no matter what.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Not all who wander....

I got the neatest gift the other day

Thanks so much Carrie.

I love this saying, “not all who wander are lost”.

This day and age we are supposed to be driven. Know what we want out of life. Have a plan to get there. Stay on that path.

Recently I was told that Nate didn’t seem to want anything from life, he was just drifting with no purpose. Hadn’t “applied” himself in high school, had randomly quit a job for no reason (Taco Bell after a year and half), and had dropped out of college. This from a man who doesn’t know him.

The actual truth is, Nate quit a job after a year and a half. That’s a long time for a 20 year old, and it was Taco Bell, not a career. He did “drop out of college” at the end of a semester, with plans to at some point go back, just not immediately. He didn’t do as well as he could’ve in high school, but he graduated, on time with an above average GPA. And excelled in baseball.

Why do we thing that “wandering” is such a bad thing?

How much can you learn by taking the path less traveled? By seeing a different path or an unexpected opportunity and taking it?

I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I did not do all the things I thought I would do. I’ve done different, and more than I thought.

I’ve had unexpected wonderful adventures. I have a full life, that while it’s not always perfect, and would never be fairy tale or picture book, it’s mine, it’s what I want, and I like it.

I like having the path in front of me, but I like the ability to wander. And just because I wander, doesn’t mean I’m lost.

I will wear this often, and it immediately became one of my prized possessions.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Knee surgery

Once again I find out I'm not as tough as I think. Surgery went well. I'm healing. It hurts and I have a lot of swelling. That's because I went back to work Monday so I'm not keeping it elevated.

Can't wait to be 100%!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

My love affair

Today marks 5 years of running. I'm celebrating with meniscus surgery tomorrow. I'm thrilled at the prospect of running without knee pain.

I've been mocked and made fun of at work. The other day my plantar fasciitis acted up a bit. It's healed for the most part, but ever once in a while I get a twinge. After my 4 co workers that sit with me got done I told them all with plantar fasciitis in my left heel and torn meniscus in my right knee I would still race anyone of them and run further and faster and longer. They all knew I was right.

What is it about runners that makes people hate us? We're a pretty close knit group. If you are a runner, we can sit and talk for hours. My manager is a runner and we talk about it a lot, common ground.

Last April at Steve's 50 mile race I talked to a friend of ours that's an ultra runner and he was telling me about these

Have you ever seen a car with a 5K or 10K or 13.1 or 26.2 sticker on the back? People bragging telling you via their bumper that they have run a marathon. Cool if that's your thing. Not running, putting stickers on your car. Steve has 100 and 60k and 50 and 50K stickers that he was given at some of his ultra marathons, but they are all in his running memory book. Yes, I made/am making running memory books with pictures and all our race bibs and stickers, etc. I won't carry it with me, you would have to ask me if you want to see it. But I will continue to bore anyone that comes over here and reads my words with our running adventures from time to time.

Back to the 0.0

Scott and I had a good laugh about people who aren't part of the running world but want a part of it so they get a 0.0 sticker. Or maybe they just want to mock us. I don't know. Don't care. Because I kind of am of the opinion that I don't do step aerobics, but if you do, good for you doing something. I don't zumba. Tried it. Not my cup of tea, but if you love it, keep at it. Won't put a picture of a zumba girl with a circle around with an X over it, lol.

Me?? I have a love affair with running. I can't say I love running, that's not always true. But I have a 5 year love affair (longer than a lot of relationships) that I don't want out of. I love it. I hate it. I can't wait to do it. I dread it. I dress for it. I shower -after it -. The rewards are huge. The work is constant. I have sacrificed sleep and toenails to it. All been worth it. Because either you get it or you don't.

Here's to another 5 years.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I am his

The other day I was having a bad day. In a month of bad days. I have had 6 doctor appointments (including knee, eyes, broken filling, etc.), extreme stress at work, pain in my knee which makes me cranky, and with my kids; one grown child unemployed and refusing to look for work, legal trouble, a visit to the jail, a bail bondsman, a tow truck, a funeral, the DMV, a runaway if she wasn't 21, illegal activity, 3 started new jobs, and a husband feeling the same stressers I am.

I got in my car to drive home after taking my parents something, can't remember now why I was even at their house in the evening, but as I started along I was whining to God. Feeling sorry for myself. And that wasn't working out for me, so I turned the radio on. I happened to be in Steve's car so it was a Christian station. And a song was just starting. It wasn't a new song, it's not one that is specifically meaningful to me, I know it, I like it, but the words were like a slap in the face. You know how it is when God sets the perfect stage for you? Casting Crowns. I'm only going to share the lyrics that really hit me, but the whole song is pretty powerful

Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am
But because of what you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And you've told me who I am
I am yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

And that did it. Who am I? Who AM I? Doesn't matter, he feels my hurt. I am his.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Training Update

You can't really call what I'm doing training. I go workout with Marquis and if it hurts, I don't do it. Knee surgery is in 11 days. Then I have 4 weeks till I can start running again. I can't imagine running without knee pain. I think it will be wonderful. But I don't know...

We celebrated our anniversary of working out for a whole year with Marquis. We went out to eat with the group that trains with us. During the school year, it's just Steve, Me and a man named Chris. This summer we added a couple of high school/college kids that wanted to get/stay in shape for fall sports. Mark, poor shy boy, is no match for Whitney and Emily. Emily is going to college in August and will be playing volleyball. Whitney now comes and works out with us all the time too. Emily mom, my friend Sheila has also joined. So in August, it will be Steve, Chris, Sheila and I.

Wednesday we pushed a Dodge Ram. Steve and I pushed it 300 yards over three circuits, interspersed with push ups and running sprints. It was hard. Quite entertaining to watch Whitney and Emily push the Dodge Ram. They didn't have to push it up the hill, Steve and I did.

I have my "come back" race picked, but we'll see if I can actually "come back". It's not till December, so we shall see.

And of course, I will let you all know.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Twenty one

My baby turned 21 today. I'm not going to hit you with that "where did the time go, it seems like it was only yesterday, etc."

Because it has been 21 years. And it doesn't feel like yesterday. And now, when I look at my grizzly man, full grown, grizzly beard, handsome, smart, hard working, I don't see the little boy anymore. I hold that in my heart, and will forever.

What I mostly feel is every pain he has. You think when your kids grow up and get on their own and make their own money and lives that it gets easier. But I have found that to be false.

Maybe it's just my adult kids, but their choices have led to some pretty rough times. Circumstances have dealt them some tough blows. It's a hard world out there, and just being in it is a challenge.

Nate has some "stuff" going on. It hurts. I can't fix it. I can't really even help. All I can do is watch and pray and hope (and cry and worry) and love him. But that's part of being a parent.

But all that aside, happy birthday to the man who will forever hold a special place in my heart that no one else can touch.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Does that make me crazy?

I believe that if I go some place awesome or eat an extremely yummy something or get a cool present or my husband does something kind or sweet for me that EVEN THOUGH I DON'T PUT A PICTURE OR STATUS ON FACE BOOK, TWITTER OR INSTAGRAM ...

It really did still happen.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Tales from the hood

Motherhood that is.

A co-worker repeatedly told her teenage son to clean up his room and get his bedding off the floor.

One day he came home and asked where his bedding was. She said she donated it to Goodwill.

He asked what he was going to do for bedding.

She promptly offered to drive him to Goodwill where he could use his own money to buy it back.

My hero.