Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The boomerang child

In 2016 I had an empty nest for seven months. Typically I don't like labels, and since our children are meant to GROW UP AND MOVE OUT, it's just the natural course of events, so I didn't embrace the 'empty nest' title.

Whitney told me she was moving out after she had already put a deposit on her house. I was fine. (And so proud of myself for being fine). I thought my baby leaving would kill me. But I WAS FINE! She had been gone for two weeks, I hadn't seen her, so I went in her place of employment on my way home from work and she practically tackled me to hug me. (We're not much of a hugging family, so that spoke volumes). But then... she had been gone for 6 months and I had a melt down. Lost it driving home from work one day. Bawled like a baby.

I was sad. Really sad. Felt old. Useless. Out of touch. Unneeded. Unnecessary.

In typical fashion of my life, after two weeks of grieving - literal grieving (and self pity) - Whitney asks if she can move home and go back to school. So my nest has one little bird in it. She's different after 7 months on her own. More thoughtful, more conscientious. More grown up. She buys us "prezzies".

I look at this time with her as bonus time, because the next time she leaves, it will be for good. The happy sunny child grew into a beautiful adult woman. She is the perfect exclamation point for our family.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Whatsoever things...

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

This verse has been rattling around my head for the last couple of days. Mostly because I have been in some conversations that I should've shut down, because they did went against the above guidelines.

One of the things I use to keep from talking about rough times is that "it wouldn't be edifying". I believe that I am supposed to protect my marriage and my family. I do not ever want to put Steve in a bad light, and that means there are issues we've dealt with that do not need to be shared. The chance that they might help others who are in a situation does not outweigh our right (his right) to privacy and mine to protect him.

I believe this for my kids as well.

In this day of social media and multiple ways of vomiting spewing sharing what's going on in your life, it's easy to over share.

I think maybe it's time to protect those we love.

I think it's time to keep things to ourselves that are not edifying.

I think it's time to "think on these things".

Monday, April 17, 2017

Naked and Afraid

Steve and I watch this show. I have a PSR (primitive survival rating) of zero. I like my comforts.

I get a real kick out of contestants saying "you guys at home have no idea how hard this is. This is no joke". Really? I'm scared of the garter snake in my yard. Anaconda or black mamba? Terrified. Jaguars? I'm scared of the neighbors Dachshund. I send my steak back if it isn't cooked right. No way i'm eating rat-ka-bobs. I whine if I step on a sand burr. I've seen the thorns. Naked and afraid? The thing I'm least scared of is being naked.

I am fascinated by the strength of will these people have. The survival skills. The toughness. The fearlessness.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I thought about the things I'm afraid of. Then the verse above came to mind. There are things I'm afraid of. Obviously I'm not going to audition for Naked and Afraid. Because I don't want to be one, and I already am the second. But I don't need to be afraid of anything.

I've been singing this old hymn in my mind all evening.

How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

I'm going to keep these words close to me, and "fear not".

Sunday, April 16, 2017

He is Alive

A comment of facebook directed me back to my blog today. A friend of mine commented on this post

As I read it, I am still amazed at the power of God. And I'm frustrated with myself at how little I rely on the strength that I have as a child of God.

I intend to dust my blog off and begin sharing more regularly. I enjoy browsing through all the things I've shared. And since I don't journal, this is my way of holding tight the things that are worth saving.