Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I don't want to!

Today I don't want to be a grown up.

I want to sleep till lunch. I want to pile my dirty dishes in the sink and know someone else will deal with them, (even if that means they make me do them, it's still their responsibility). I want to spend the day by the pool. I want to spend money recklessly. I want to eat dessert with every meal. I want to drive too fast.

I don't want to plan something for supper. I don't want to stay within my budget. I don't want to run two errands on my way home from work. I don't want to watch what I eat. I don't want to be productive at work. I don't want to be responsible for anyone elses needs or wants. I don't want to do laundry. I don't want to work out.

In addition to all of this, I want my family to put me on a pedestal. I want the world to revolve around me.

However, my Sunday School years remind me of Galatians 5: 22-23
"God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways."

Guess I still got some work to do...

Monday, May 30, 2011

Cleaning out the closet

I have been cleaning out my closet and drawers. I've found some interesting things. A journal from when my kids were little. Old pictures. Clothes from 20 years ago. Letters, emails, catalogs of things I thought I wanted so I saved them, but obviously didn't want bad enough to remember I saved the catalog. I threw some stuff away.

There are things I want to remember. There are things I want to forget. Mostly today, though, I'm so thankful for healing. I have a scar on the inside of my left knee where I had a mole removed. I had this mole removed on a day I will never forget because of circumstances in my life. As I shaved my legs today and didn't have to worry about the scar (or the mole) I realized it's healed. It's not tender when I kneel on it. I don't have to be careful shaving around it. It's healed. There is still a scar, signs of the trauma, but it's healed.

I have scars. But the wounds heal, scars form, and I feel good again. The scar doesn't leave pain, it just leaves a memory of what happened.

I'm a firm believer in our power to choose. We choose to love. We choose to forgive. We choose to forget. We choose to move forward. We choose. We have that power.

I'm reminded of a song a friend sang when we were in high school.

"Yes, I'm headed to a home, built by God alone, Hallelujah, praise the Lord I am. And the only thing there that's been made by man are the scars in the hands of Jesus."

Even our perfect, sinless, holy Savior has scars. Scars that were put there by me, for me. So I choose to live the best I can to honor this sacrifice, these scars that are there to give me eternal life. Because if Jesus bore my sins, took these scars for me, then I can forgive. I can love.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

In my corner...

School's out. Whitney had a rough month or so and it showed in her grades, but the last month of school she really tore it up and raised her grade in all 8 classes and ended up with a decent GPA. We are very proud of her. She worked hard. Now she has a week of volleyball camp coming up and two summer tournaments.
Steve and I went and heard a new friend's band at an outdoor concert Friday night. It was a lot of fun. I ran into an old friend, our boys played basketball together in 5th and 6th grade (yep, once upon a time Nate played basketball) and I met her friend who's son is also a friend of Nate's from Heights. My world is so small sometimes.
Watched the UFC fights with Steve. I'm not a huge fan, but it's fascinating to watch men beat the heck out of each other and call it sport.
Went to our new church. Very impressed with the pastor. He spent the week in Joplin working with tornado relief. Showed video this morning. I love seeing a pastor do what he is encouraging his flock to do. Leading by example. He has committed to (himself and the church) helping twice a month for the summer and once a month for the next year. Not just money, not just supplies, physically being there.
Switched jobs at work last week. New desk, new building, sitting with new people. I actually get to sit next to the two guys I sat between when I first started at Spirit. I love these two guys. Same boss, buyer position, just different commodity. Already love it. Parking is tons better, too.
Still not running, most likely not going to run till fall now. My only goal this year is to run the 10 mile Turkey Trot in November. Since I got a 10 mile in the snow and the marathon in March, I feel okay about that. Lots of weights and spin classes and core classes and elliptical in my future.
Went for an hour walk Saturday on the trail. It's beautiful, here is my view.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Conversations with Whitney

Whitney jumps on Steve for a piggy back ride from the front door of Sheila's house to the car.

Steve: I did just run 50 miles yesterday.
Whitney: Come on Dad, you can power through. I know you can.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thankful Thursday

I sent Steve an email this week. I put the whole message in the subject line. Simply said “I am happy today.”

I am happy. There are a lot of good things in my life. A lot to be happy about. Much to be thankful for. I haven’t done a Thankful Thursday post in a while, so here are some things I’m thankful for (and happy about).

My foot feels tons better.

It’s a 3 day holiday weekend.

Steve and I have found a church we like. Think we may have found our new “home”.

Jake and Carrie will be headed home in 4 weeks.

School's out for the summer.

Care to share? What are you thankful for? What is making you happy today?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Jesus loves me because...

I read a few things today that made me laugh. A blog post. Facebook. I would love to tell you exactly what I read and why it’s humorous, but I don’t know if the people I would be writing about would be reading this, and I don’t want to hurt them.
As I was laughing about what I read, I tweeted “I don’t believe everything I read…” because one in particular was, well, laughable.
I logged into my email, looking for information in an old one I saved and I found a couple that I didn’t know were still there. I thought I had gotten rid of all the hate mail I was getting for a while. Really hurtful things. I tried not to read them, but just a line or two reminded me of all the nasty things that were said to me. I deleted them. But they really drug me down. And wouldn’t you know, I realized what I just tweeted. “I DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING I READ...”
Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. What I know to be true is what I’m going to believe. People can say hurtful mean things, they can even believe them. I’m going to continue to choose love. Love for the unloveable. Love for the mean spirited. Love for the hateful. Love for those who don’t love me. Love for those who want to hurt me. Love for those who send me hate mail. I’m going to love the Lord my God and then I’m going to love my neighbor as myself. I have a favorite saying, “the only reason Jesus loves me is he chooses too.”

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Random thoughts and pictures

I know someone that was greatly upset that President Obama knocked back a Guinness and it was shared on the news. Did I miss something? I don’t think it’s terrible that our President was drinking a beer. If there is more to this story, please fill me in. This person posted on facebook how offensive they found this, and I read the comments and there were several that agreed. I think it’s more embarrassing to the American public that a presidential limo got high centered on a hump in the street and there’s a 6 minute video of it on youtube.

They’ve predicted we have an 8 in 10 chance of tornadoes here today. Typically for Kansas meteorologists
that means the storm will miss us completely. We canceled school two days last winter because of storm predictions and then it didn’t storm. They said after the fact that it was because it was too cold. Way to (try and) save face. Of course canceling school was school officials acting on the information the meteorologist provided.

Why yes, the wind is blowing in Kansas today.

Do home school kids get snow days?

Steve is thinking of adding a race this summer called the “Lunar Trek”. It’s July 15; full moon night. I don’t think he’s crazy, I’m just jealous (and I know, true love isn’t jealous) that my foot has me sidelined and I won’t be able to run too. 100K starts at 9:00 and the other distances (10K, 11 mile, 22 mile, 50K and 40 mile) start at 11:00. And that is P.M.

I didn’t realize how much I missed seeing Whitney’s BFF Madeline until she was over last night. (They’ve been together, just not at my house). Just a few gems from Maddi “what is charcoal made of?” Whitney “uhhhhh huhuh (think Beavis and Butthead), coal?”. Maddi giggling, “Oh, I’m so stupid. My mom was making ribs the other day and they were white instead of red and I asked her if they were chicken ribs.” (I just laughed again typing that).

Today is the last day of freshman year of high school. Whitney doesn’t want to be a sophomore, she’d rather be a freshman because “I don’t even know any sophomores”.

I’m hungry. And I have a diet coke and popcorn for lunch. I know way better than this. But after the birthday party and two graduation parties this weekend I ate way too much cake. And we had donuts at the Steve 50 and I ate way too many donuts. And a bag of M & M’s. The 14 oz size. I ate a week’s worth of calories in two days. But I watched Steve run 50 miles, that burned a few, right???

I really miss getting to run. Who wouldn't miss 26.2 miles of running these types of trails? They are both horse trails, and I ran these one month apart. I never showed any good pictures of the Texas trail that a lot of sand. The sand and heat in March was actually more difficult than the snow and cold in February. But I loved both, and really can't wait to run again.

Pictures from my March run

Pictures from my February run

Monday, May 23, 2011

1000 Gifts 1-20

20. The last day of school
19. Laying in the grass
18. A hug when you're happy
17. A hug when you're sad
16. Smiles that reach the eyes
15. Laughing children
14. Being able to say "I'm sorry" and mean it.
13. Fresh hair color
12. Summer storms
11. Watching Steve cross the finish line
10. Whitneyisms
9. Windows to the world
8. Friends who love my kids
7. Fear Factor reruns
6. Steve and Anneshia on the trampoline
5. Smiley faces in texts from Nate
4. first nice days of summer
3. trail runs
2. blueberry iced tea
1. MLB

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Race Report

The crew view...The Second Annual Steve 50 is completed successfully. I was crew, once again, I'm gettting lots of practice at that, and my first stint as a race director. We raised some money for the Northwest Branch of the YMCA's summer camp, more than we anticipated, had runners register and show up to run, and unless they were lying, they had fun.

Steve wanted to be done in ten hours, but the heat and humidity were tough the second half of the day and he spent a little more time in aid stations than he wanted to hydrating, eating and making sure he had sunscreen, etc. Final time was 10:47:02. Not his fastest fifty, but no where near his slowest. He is feeling well and I expect he'll be running in a couple of days like this was nothing.

We already have some ideas for next year to make it better.

I have a lot of leftover gummi bears, M & M's and hot dogs.

I'm still fighting tendonitis and have vowed (yes, VOWED, because I miss running) not to run until my foot is pain free and has been for a minimum of two weeks. Race director was the perfect role for me anyway. I was able to set up all the aid, check people in, pass out shirts, and visit with the volunteers. Which happened to include Sheila, YAY for time with Sheila, and Robert and Kimberly whom I love also. My in-laws came out and supported Steve and helped me pick up signs and tear everything down which was much appreciated. Way different than the 100K company I had a couple weeks ago.

I got to throw a quilt out on the grass and take an hour nap, and since I was at the aid station I didn't sleep through Steve coming through.

I love the race environment. I know I've said that before, but it's fun. I got to visit with the runners after they finished their 2 - 25 miles. Brand new runners, seasoned ultra runners, it was cool to have them all there together.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Conversations with Whitney

Guess who got her top braces off last week?

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Today is my 465th blog post. What is important about this? Not a thing. I just noticed it today, and thought I really don’t have that much important or edifying to say, and yet I have 465 posts. I have my favorites. Sometimes I go back to the beginning and read some of what I wrote. Have yet to find any that I would take back. I have taken some criticism on a few, and been mocked once or twice, one in specific titled God is Good and that comment still hurts today. But wounds heal, scars form and I still believe God is good, regardless! (This is where the child in me sticks her tongue and goes phttttt!) I think of Psalm 37: 14-15 The wicked draw their swords and string their bows to kill the poor and the oppressed, to slaughter those who do right. But their swords will stab their own hearts, and their bows will be broken.

I also often think of this verse from my theme song The Broken Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

This scripture and this verse from this song both have attitude. This verse makes me want to be on the receiving end of the wicked, not be the wicked. Take aim at me, but God’s Word says you’ll be on the receiving end. And I love this verse from the song because really, what’s it to you? I answer to God. The biggest lesson I learned is that I can’t make anyone happy. I can do all the right things. I can immerse myself in good deeds, looking right, acting right, pretending to be happy and it’s not worth a crap. I now view everything through Scripture. What does God’s Word say? Steve and I have had several discussions about this, right and wrong. I even had two lengthy discussions over profanity and cuss words and what’s right and what’s wrong. Maybe someday I’ll share my opinion on this. You’ll probably be surprised. I’m now back to show me in the Bible where it’s wrong. If you can’t, get over it. I get causing your brother to stumble, and being all things to all people and sitting at the king’s table, etc. But I don’t want to be that Christian that is worried all the time about appearances and who is watching me and what are they seeing. I want to be a Jesus freak. Over the top, in love with Jesus Jesus freak.

They called Jesus a glutton and a drunkard. Talked about him eating with sinners. Showing love on the Sabbath by healing. I want to live the way he did. Loving the unloveable. Going to where the unloveable is. Sitting with them. Talking with them. Not posturing for the religious and obeying their rules. Worrying that my dress is modest? My skirt is long enough. My kids are playing baseball and volleyball...again instead of youth camp, youth group, etc.. I don’t want to worry about the second shot of tequila glass of wine or the R rated movie or the color of skin on the young man my daughter is dating. (I have two bi-racial granddaughters).

Where sin is called sin in the Scriptures, I’ll call it sin. Where it’s not, I won’t. When it happens, I will forgive, lovingly and completely, because that’s in the Bible too.

This made me think about opinions and advice. I have an opinion. On everything. Except where to have dinner Friday night. CARRIIEEEEE! Help!!

Steve met with a running coach this week. Wanted to see if he needed to change anything up. Spent an hour and a half with him talking, reviewing his training plan. Coach didn’t watch him run, told him there was nothing wrong with his running form. Looking at his training plan, he made two suggestions. One, quit weights. Not gonna happen. Steve knows that ultra running and weight lifting are diametrically opposed, but won’t quit either activity. Two, split some of his longer runs into two runs. Run an extra day during the week and twice on Saturdays. This he is going to try. Steve asked someone who knew more than he does. He listened to what he had to say, and he evaluated the advice with his personal goals, and based on this, decided what, if anything needed to change.

There are people I ask for advice and for their opinion. And listen closely and weigh carefully what they say. There are people that I avoid their advice and opinions as much as possible. When I ask, I really want to know. I want to hear your thoughts and then see how they fit with mine. With me or against me, it makes me think and look at all angles before I make a decision. This has served me well in the last several months. I received valuable advice that I put in practice. Jenny & Sheila, priceless words of wisdom that I bound to my heart. Carrie, words of encouragement, insight and unwavering loyalty that I’ll never forget. Words and behaviors I will remember and pass on to others if the situation ever warrants it. Hopefully I’ll never have to use them because I don’t want to see anyone in pain.

I want my words to never be like I’ve sharpened a sword or strung my bow, aimed for slaughter. (Although I may stick my tongue out and Phtttt at you) I want my opinions and my advice and my words to be kind and loving, even if they disagree with you, kind and loving.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Random thoughts

I just rode up the elevator at work listening to people complain that the elevator is slow and about the quality of the food they just purchased in the cafeteria but have not started eating yet. People, you have options. Take the stairs if the elevator is too slow. And bring your lunch, or at least taste it before you complain.

The wind is blowing. I'm wearing an above the knee skirt today. Good thing I did laundry.

It's the middle of May in Kansas and I expect to need my umbrella. Needing my jacket seems a little odd.

I want some extra money. Notice the "want" not "need" in this sentence.

When I get bored I think about food or sex. Food and sex? I think "or" sounds better. Will go with or.

The picture of Greece on my work calendar is very pretty. Makes me want to visit.

Freddrick told me on May 3 that I would be sore all month with his twice a week workouts. He did not lie. Then he gave me direction for my two other weights workouts each week. Sadist. However, I'm not complaining...just walking a little awkward.

Right now I'm thinking about chocolate cake.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Who Am I?

I'd tell you right now I don't know the answer to this question. I used to know who I was (or at least who I thought I was). I had an idea of what my future held. What I was going to do with the rest of my life. And while I'm not exactly day to day, I'm not looking too far in the future.

Lately I even surprise myself. I'm not the same. I've done so many things that surprise and even shock me. I'm honestly not concerned about it either. Who am I? I pulled these lyrics from a song from Les Miserables.

Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on

I don't need to be defined. Who am I? Does it matter? If you know me well enough to think you could define me, will you still love me if all you thought I was isn't there? If it's replaced by something else?

My soul belongs to God. I gave it to him a long time ago. And he gave me hope when hope was gone. He gave me strength to journey on. So I journey on. Not the same. Never the same. Content with where I am. With where he takes me.

My day didn't start this way. It started with a pitiful text to a good friend. Who answered me "Stop it! Seriously!" Which is what I needed to hear. There was more after it. And it was good. But she could've saved herself the keystrokes and the additional encouragement. Those three words did it.

If I have to answer the question "Who Am I"? today, I would say definitely not the person I was two months ago. And I don't want to be her. Don't think for a second I'm happy with what's happened to my life. The fall out is horrific. It's the effect of throwing a rock in a pond and watching the ripples move out. I'll be dealing with ripples for a long time and they are big ripples and they pull me under.

I'm not going to define who I was and who I am, because I'm constantly changing. Philippians 1:6 says "God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns." Who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow. But someday I will be who I am supposed to be, and until then, I have the promise that God will not stop working in me until I am that person.

The rest of my text included scolding me for giving into negative thinking and telling me to give God glory for creating me, because he knew what he was doing.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Half full or half empty?

People often say they are a "glass half full" or "glass half empty" kind of person, indicating positivity or negativity. I was sitting at lunch Sunday with some dear friends of Steve's and mine (love love LOVE Dan & Jackie) and realized as I downed my 5th diet coke, because I'm cutting back, that my glass is never half way. See, I'm a chugger. If I want a drink, I want a drink. If it's water, or ice tea or diet coke, when I want it, I drink it. When I get a glass of water in the morning, I fill it to about what I want and I drink it all. Then it has to be filled up again so I can drink it all, again.

Not sure why I'm this way, in my psyche there are many weird little issues that maybe should be looked at in addition to my oral fixation. I've been told I need therapy, I've also been told I need behavior modification medicine (by peers, not by anyone trained to know). I like my crazy. In fact, I had a conversation the other night with Nate where I apologized for being a little crazy, told him I didn't want to be the mom like Jane* (name changed to protect the insane (Jane) and the innocent (Nate)). He said "no biggie, and Jane is in a league of crazy all her own." I told him I would be happy to stay in the minors in this category.

All this to say that I'm not sure whether I'm a pessimist, optimist or realist. I guess it all depends on whether or not I'm thirsty?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Tales from the herd

Since I can't run I thought I'd have Sheila share a race report from the Easter Sun Run she ran a couple weeks ago. It's a 10K we've run together the last two years.

I ran the Easter Sun Run several weeks ago and it was probably one of the worst races I have ran in a long time. I ran with my niece, Valarie and a friend from work and this was their first 10k race. They are both new runners and both had set goals for themselves. I told them not to wait on me if I had to walk, and encouraged them to keep running no matter what. Kudos to them for meeting their goal.
About 2 miles into the race I got a cramp in my right thigh and calf muscle that I could not work out no matter how much walking or stretching I did. I ran as much as I could and walked when I needed to. I got to about mile 4 and from that point on I wanted to puke the rest of the race. I did manage enough energy to pass the 3 ladies wearing pink tutus that were laughing and dancing as they ran. I really wanted to hit them for being so perky. The last quarter mile of the race was probably the worst, I was exhausted, I wanted to throw up, and somehow I managed to slowly run cross the finish line. Unbelievably, I beat my time from last year by 48 seconds and finished in the top last 25 runners……LOL!

Friday, May 13, 2011

More than you want to know

I’m pretty good at laughing at myself. I have to be cause I'm a spaz. So more keeping it real, I thought I'd see if I could make you all laugh. This may be too much information for the faint of heart or the extremely modest or conservative, so gentler readers you have been warned.

Two weeks ago I had an appointment with a cosmetic surgeon. Will probably share more about that later, not sure yet. But if you really want to know, individually ask away because one on one, I'll tell you. Anyway, I show up, fill out paperwork and go back to talk to a patient specialist. I get all my questions answered and then I’m then taken to an exam room to meet the surgeon and a surgical tech. They were both awesome, by the way. More questions, more answers, more information. Then they hand me a gown to put on and say they’ll be right back, and I can leave my panties on. They both looked at me and laughed, because my face was "interesting", according to the surgical tech.

That Thursday morning I realized the laundry I was behind on was my delicates. My choice was dirty panties, Steve’s boxers, the one thong I own, or commando. I chose commando (and a very long skirt, Kansas is windy). Never thinking about seeing the doc that day. So I fessed up to the surgeon and tech. They got more than they bargained for in their pics. (Thank goodness for photoshop).

I was the surgeon’s favorite visit that day cause I made them laugh.

I really want to ask if I'm the only one that ever does these kinds of things, and if I'm the only one that will admit it. But I'm afraid you all have too much class to 1. do this, and 2. admit it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

How well do you know me?

I read this post today from one of my favorite multi-author blogs


sorry - couldn't get the link to work.

And I wondered. What if I was really honest? What if I told the truth. What would you all think of me? I've been asked some pretty intrusive questions lately. I understand that some things are best left alone. But really, what do you want to know? Are you bold enough to ask? If you could do it anonymously? Because you can, you can post a comment anonymously on my blog and I won't know who did it. You will have to wait for me to read it to see it because I had some that were pretty hateful and mean that I decided I wanted to moderate before everyone else sees them.

But in the sense of transparency, I would answer most anything. Or tell you I wasn't going to and why. I wouldn't leave you hanging.

But on the other side of that, what is enough to share? Here are a few things:

I struggle with weight. I have 10-12 pounds to reach my healthy weight goal. And I'm scared I'll never make it. Freddrick gave me some pointers and told me some stuff I should be doing. Putting that into practice this week. Have enlisted Steve's help for the two days I'm not working with Freddrick.

It was hard for me to ask Steve to help me with my work out. Used to, I would've just expected him to. Now I don't want him to see me vulnerable or weak. Or strong, either for that matter.

Steve and I like to go out and listen to live music. And we have drinks while we listen.

There is a woman in my life right now that I despise with every ounce of my being. God is going to have to do an amazing work in me to forgive her and her continued behavior towards me. I'm trying, and God is bigger, and I'm gonna admit something really ugly about myself, I'M TIRED OF FORGIVING PEOPLE ALL THE TIME! But I desperately want and need forgiveness myself, so I keep doing it because feelings follow actions, right? But God help me on this one.

I feel like a vacuum right now, I feel like I'm pulling on my girlfriends, just taking and not giving anything in return. And that bothers me, but I don't have a whole lot to spare. So publicly, my herd, I'm telling you I will turn it around and make it up when you need me, thanks so much for being there for me. You all are awesome.

I rarely listen to Christian music. Mostly only at church. I love rock music and listen to it loud. And if no one is looking, I dance. Whitesnake and Warrant are going to be here the end of May. I'm going to go.

I don't always like my kids. Always love them, but there are moments...

I believe in hair color and make up and crest white strips. Padded bras, spanx and high heels. Fake nails and 4 different hair products at a time to get the right style. I even believe in cosmetic surgery.

There is so much more, but I guess I'm just not ready to be THAT transparent. But anytime, ask anything you want to know

Monday, May 9, 2011

In my corner...

Visited our 6th church. This one was...BORING. Whitney did point out to Steve during the sermon that this preacher used the same quote about the same atheist that the preacher did last week at the other church. Good catch. (She's still in school, more trained to listen while bored than we are.)

Got a new book from Nate for Mother's Day. Dean Karnazes RUN! 26.2 Stories of Blisters and Bliss. I miss running. But I want my foot well, so I'm staying off of it.

Didn't leave the house Saturday. That was awesome. Slept till 9:00 a.m. when Steve woke me up. No kids in the house and yet I still get woke up early. Early being a relative term because we were up quite late.

Whitney wants a tattoo (I know, already shared that part) of a Jesus fish on the inside of her left wrist. I thought about the fact she was willing to brand herself as a Christian. Then she told me Regan always said she was going to get this when she was old enough. It's a "in memory of" thing, and she figures she can cover it with a watch, bracelet or long sleeves if needed. We will see.

Uneventful, but I had a very great week. Lots of good stuff happened.

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

I was raised knowing this verse. It's right after the angels sang in the sky at Jesus birth and the shepherds came and worshiped. I never truly understood what that meant. But I think I have an idea now. My children's births were not like that of Jesus, and I don't compare what Mary knew about her child to what mine meant to me. I just totally understand treasuring moments and thinking about them, as I'm sure every mother in the world does. A smile when your child has done something that in their mind is extraordinary. The gift that you really have no idea what to do with, but will treasure because of the face that gave it to you (I still have a three foot tall stuffed skunk, a tarnished silver cross, the ugliest candle holder ever in existence, etc.) I see looks on my kids faces that speak stronger than words. Whitney can look at me from the volleyball court and I know what's going through her head. These unspoken moments are gifts to mother's that no one else gets. Along with that, I believe these people that come out of our bodies have the power to make us feel pain like no other. When my kids hurt, I hurt. I would take any pain from them.

So, Mother's Day to me is not about gifts. Never has been. I don't want or need gifts on Mother's Day. No jewelry or kindle, no lunch out (I did tell Steve he could take me out for dinner another night this week, but only cause I like the time with him), no breakfast in bed. Lots of "Happy Mother's Day" wishes. Several brought tears to my eyes. Unexpected. People I didn't think would take the time to send me a text, really surprised they thought of me at all today.

I will treasure this Mother's Day for the rest of my life, and yes, keep it in my heart. Yesterday I woke up kind of foggy. And in that foggy state, my chest hurt right above my heart. And in that sleepy state, I wondered if my heart had hurt for so long that I could actually feel the pain. Then I remembered the 3 unassisted pullups from the night before. I felt awesome. So strong. And had I stopped...but I did a 4th and I tweaked a muscle. Today, nothing hurts. But all day yesterday, it hurt to touch it. That's when I realized that the pain really was external. God truly is the healer. And he is keeping his promises to me. And he chose today to make one well known.

This morning I didn't wake up to breakfast in bed or presents. I woke up to a request for money so Nate could go golfing with his cousins. But after that, my day started with the best Mother's Day gift I could've hoped for. Nothing tangible. Just some actions and a few words that many of us take for granted. I did up until not too long ago. I won't ever again. But today is a day I'll treasure and remember for the rest of my life. A look, a smile, words, memories. Those are important to this mom.

I love my kids, Kari, Amanda, Ashley, Nate and Whitney. I'm blessed to have you in my life. I love Steve. I have a good life.

Whitney - 14

Nate 18

Ashley 19 - Mia 10 months

Amanda - 20 Anneshia 2 years

Kari - 22

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Tales from the Herd

I have been wanting to introduce you to Carrie. She's in Boston for a few more weeks. She is the greatest thing I have gotten out of facebook. We met her and Jake because we went to the same church and Steve friended her. Then she saw he ran a marathon and Jake had just ran one and she thought they'd like each other. We met for dinner and monthly dinner/date nights began. We are so excited for them to get back to Wichita and start this back up.
I don't even know what all to say about this girlfriend of mine. I'm just gonna say I love her, she is awesome. I'm so glad she is on our side. She's a good friend to Steve too. And I consider Jake my friend. That's rare friends. She is strong and loyal and positive and a great listener and wonderful encourager. Like all of my GF's, I can go on (and on) about her. She is awesome enough to share post-run pictures after her Sunday long training runs. (That's right, she's a runner too). Training for her first marathon this fall. Several half marathons and ten milers under her running shoes. I got permission to share her pictures, because she is super confident and fearless and cool like that. We also share running music tastes. I'm inspired by her pics, you might see post workout pictures of me someday.
Week 6 - (her whole training post)
My training run had to be moved from Sunday to today, since we were in Providence on Sunday. But it was AWESOME! I ran 11 miles along the Charles River. I took my new water bottle (I got at the expo on Saturday) on it's maiden run. Since the temp is going up, I need to keep hydrated. I also packed 24 mini gummy bears for fuel. I LOVE these! I'm glad it worked out, now I need to remember to take them on all my runs. :) I had another first, at mie 2.5 I swallowed a bug! That's equal to a protein bar, right? The run was fabulous and I did it in less time than I figured I would. The farthest I've ran is 15 miles... I'll be approaching that number very soon! I secretly can't wait!!!

Week 5

Week 4 (I was supposed to get to run with her this 9.5 mile run, but my tendonitis stopped me. Even better though, Jake got to run with her while I stayed with the kids and since I love to run with Steve, I know how special these times are.) See Jake peaking over her shoulder?

Week 3 (no week 2 picture, family was outside at the park, stopped to play)

Week 1

more about Carrie and her adventures can be found at jakeandcarriearnett.blogspot.com

Friday, May 6, 2011

Conversations with Whitney

Whitney: There’s been like, no food at our house for weeks.
Me: I went to the grocery store.
Whitney: (talking like I didn’t speak) Then I go to Madeline’s and there’s no food at her house either.
Madeline: I know. We’re both starving.
Whitney: You feed Crist (our world vision child in Nicaragua) better than you feed us.
Me: Whitney, I spent double my grocery budget. There is food. Easy Mac, wheels and cheese, pizza rolls, Bob Evans Mashed potatoes, toaster strudel, Eggos and Milano’s. (All Whitney’s favorites). And we are going out to eat after church tonight with Jed and Jenny.
Whitney and Madeline: Cheering and high fiving each other.
Whitney: It’s about time. You always go out to eat without me. AND I get to go out with your friends? What’s the occasion?
Me: Ummm, you’re home?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

More random thoughts

What is a sheave? And why do we rejoice when we bring them in?

I like Lady GaGa. And Pink (the artist and the color).

The wind is not blowing today in Kansas.

One reason I love runners/races? Check out the leg muscles on the front row. (I know Carrie gets this one).

Whitney wants a tattoo.

How do Gas-X pills work? Where does it go?

I don’t think yogurt is food.

BONUS: text conversation
J: You guys check for ticks. I just pulled one off me.
Me: Will do. Did it give you super powers?
J: It gave me heebe geebes. Does that count?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My favorite Bible character

Another lesson from Peter...

Luke 22:31-32 Jesus said, "Simon, listen to me! Satan has demanded the right to test each one of you, as a farmer does when he separates wheat from the husks. But Simon, I have prayed that your faith will be strong. And when you have come back to me, help the others."

This is not a new Scripture. Not a new story. Actually takes place between the last supper and the crucifixion. What really stuck out to me this time was the phrase "and when you have come back to me".

I wonder if Jesus walked this earth with me, actually had conversations with me, how many times he would have said this? Because I've had to come back more times than I like to admit. And I don't like the phrase "help the others". I don't want to share my failures. My weaknesses. I don't want to help anyone. I want to pretend my life is good. That I have it all together. And it's okay to giggle, I know I'm not fooling anyone.

So I freely admit to those closest to me when I'm having a bad day. I ask for prayer when I need it, even though I know these girlfriends are beating at Heaven for me constantly. I call. I ask if I can come over. I email and text.

But I'm selective who I ask for help from. Because I don't want to ask people who will tell me what I want to hear. I also don't ask people who just want to hear themselves preach. No soapboxes. I want people who are trying to live like Jesus. And this is the kind of help I want to be.

One thought I had last week has really stayed in my mind. Just like I was told I'm not the Holy Spirit and it's not my job to convict people of their sin (point out how awful they've been) I was also pricked with the idea that I'm not God and I don't get to pass down judgment or extract vengeance or pay back someone for hurting me. Cause I've thought about it. And I realized that I'm not to do the work of the Holy Spirit or God, but I am commanded to love like Jesus.

As I read the gospels (over and over) seeing how Jesus loved people is a challenge to me. He loved them where they were. The sinners. Still in their sin. The sick. Before he healed them. The unlovable, before he cast out the demons.

Peter, even though he knew he was going to fail the test. Even though he knew Peter would deny him. He loved him and said, "when you return to me".

I'm so glad that I'm loved by Jesus who says "when you return to me".

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Skeleton(s) from my closet

Recently read something about bad dates. I haven’t dated in 16 years. Before that though, I had some doozies. So for all of you young women out there who think dating is so hard today, it’s not really that much different now than it was 20 years ago. I’ll share some examples.

The guy who broke up with me…when he called me for a ride home because he was too drunk to drive home FROM HIS BACHELOR PARTY. His other girlfriend was pregnant.

The guy that a friend set me up with that was a first year attorney at a local prestigious law firm. He was six inches shorter than me. He had a shaggy beard.
He had recently started singing karaoke and everyone loved him, in his words. He was thinking about quitting his job and starting a band. His dad stopped by to have a beer with us and meet me. (First date, people. FIRST BLIND DATE!) Date said at least 6 times “I can’t believe I’m here with you.” He wore a floral shirt unbuttoned to the navel, khaki shorts and sandals. The shirt hung below his thighs. I lasted 45 minutes and one beer before I ran to my car.

The only other “set up” I participated in. On my lunch hour from work. Met him at Chi Chi’s. When he walked in, I wanted to bolt. Former college football player translates to “sloppy fat ex-jock”. At this time in my life I played co-ed softball two nights a week and volleyball two nights a week. I judged him solely on appearance. Which he did the same with me. He was interested, I was not.

The guy who dated me and always wanted to come to my house. Because he really wanted my roommate.

The guy that dated me because he wanted me AND my roommate.

The guy who dated me because he had dated my roommate and wanted to get back at her.

The 40 year old guy who kept trying to “buy” me with elaborate dates and weekend getaways (he worked for TWA, got free flights). Kind of made me feel like a whore. Only went out once, then I turned down vacation weekends and some killer dates, like the pre-season Kansas City Chiefs party.

The guy that dated me for several weeks and then abruptly quit calling. He called again six months later. I was rude. And found out his unit got called up spur of the moment in the first Gulf War. He was a fighter pilot.

The guy that waited 12 dates to kiss me. By then, it was so weird I laughed when he kissed me the first time and he never asked me out again. (I was a second or third date kind of girl…unless he tried on the first date and he was really hot.)

On the flip side…I started dating when I was 16, married at 28. I had lots of opportunity to wreak havoc, and did.

I dated two guys at a time. Several times. (One time, briefly, I tried to juggle three.) Sometimes they knew each other. Once, they even passed each other in the hallway of my apartment. And neither dumped me.

I dated a guy because he was a pilot. With his own airplane. So I could get a free ride. (Not the fighter pilot above).

I dated a guy because he had tickets to see the Eagles.

I dated a guy senior year of high school because a girl I didn’t like wanted him. I didn’t want him, but I went after him just so she couldn’t have him.

I stood a guy up for lunch once because he was 2 minutes late. I passed him on my way out of the parking lot as he was pulling in.

I stood a guy up once because he was 10 minutes late. Left my house, went to my parents so I wouldn’t be there when he showed up late. Left him a nasty note taped to the door.

I went to a party with a date once and left with a different guy.

I broke up with a guy the day before we were going to Kansas City. He already had purchased tickets to Worlds of Fun and a Royals game. We were going with another couple.

After one boyfriend dumped me, I dated three of his close friends. He didn’t really care, but I felt better.

I dated one guy in between his two girlfriends. He actually married one, divorced her and then married the other. They were both good friends of mine. Don’t judge me. He was hot. Still is. And is a friend of Steve’s. Weird world I live in.

Eventually I figured it out. Straightened up. But for every guy that treated me not great, there was a guy out there I treated pretty shabby. Ohhh, those were the days. While I should feel bad, maybe remorseful even, these are all fun memories now. I laughed while I was typing this. I was a dating terrorist. Gave and received. I noticed my list of things I “gave” is longer than the list of things I “received”.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Random thoughts and pictures

Nate went to prom with Hannah. This was a pretty big deal because it's her senior prom, but him being one year out of high school hates to go back for activities. He does go to her softball games and his cousins baseball games, and to Whitney's volleyball games. They looked so handsome. More pictures will be shared. (second couple from the left)

Steve set a PR (personal record) at the half marathon. He ran fast enough to even surprise himself. (middle of the pack, white long sleeve tee) I got to watch him pass at mile 2, 4, 9, and 11. Hung out with Jed, his wife was running too. So much better company than the 100K last week. Handed Steve a gatorade at mile 11 and ran for the car to drive to the finish line. I was running towards the finish line from the back side as he crossed. He tore it up. So proud of him. For so many things.

Whitney's new hair color.

I cooked lunch Sunday holding a two year old pointing at the stove. Haven't done that in 12 years. Turns out she was really hungry, and she loves spaghetti.
Why am I surprised when God answers my prayers? Why am I surprised when he answers them fast? Why does God ever surprise me at all? He's in the business of surprises.
Visited a new church Saturday night. Enjoyed it. It's very small. Want to go back and hear the regular preacher and full band, but I liked it.
Memorial Day is in 4 weeks. I love this holiday. It's the first paid day off holiday of the year (not counting January 1) and signals the beginning of summer and more paid holidays!
My foot still hurts. Not as bad, but still hurts.
Does the wind ever not blow in Kansas?
Is it possible to eat out at a nice restaurant for under $50.00? That's alot of money for food. I can cook many meals for $50.00.
What all do they put in Margarita's?
I love the verse Psalm 37:10 "Soon the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone." There are some people in my life I'm waiting for them to disappear. I may turn into a "name it claim it" on this verse.
Diet coke is like nectar from the gods.
I got an email from Steve, one word, "Yes" and it made my day. However, that word usually makes my day.

Everyone have a blessed week.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

In my corner...

I went to a Saturday evening church service and out for dinner after with friends.
I worked out twice with Freddrick, once with Stephanie, once with Shalen and once with Rebecca. All four are tough.
I saw an 80's cover band with Steve. They were really good.
I spent way too much money in the grocery store. Made my family very happy.
I watched Steve (and several friends) run a half marathon. What a great distance. 13.1 miles goes a lot faster than 62. And he flew through it. Best time ever 1:33.
Went to a friends husbands open house for his new tattoo parlor.
I had the best week I've had in 2011, not counting Boston. Can't compare that.