Wednesday, August 31, 2011

What makes me smile...

This child. I'm going to share a weeks worth of Whitney. (Or 4 days).

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Rough day

Everyone else's lunch smells better than mine. That could be because I have a can of split pea soup...

Tore my favorite dress on the seat belt getting out of the car.

Just got told I have to work overtime for the next week. Gonna try and get out of it. Wish me luck.

Heavy heart and lots of prayers for Nate. It's hard not being around him, I can tell when things aren't right, but he's too far away and I can't fix things. (If you have a minute you could pray for him, I'd appreciate it.)

I stayed in bed 15 minutes too long. I'm sporting what I call my "wind tunnel look". I dried my hair under the ceiling fan in front of the box fan with the blow dryer. Then I look in the mirror and determine whether a flat iron, curling iron or banana clip and hair pins is the best option.

And it's only 12:00...certainly enough time for the day to turn around.

Hey!!! I have split pea soup for lunch! AND DIET COKE!!!

My dress has embroidery on it, maybe I can repair it and no one will know?

I may have to work overtime, but I still get the whole long weekend off.

Nate says he's doing good and he likes it and things are going okay. Maybe my mom intuition is off??? Maybe??? Just maybe???

First volleyball game is tonight.

I'm getting Subway for Steve and I on the way to the game, so I'll enjoy that meal. Along with another Diet Coke. (Oh how sad the things I look forward to).

Temperatures are cooler.

Three new audio books from the library, at least I'll have something to listen to while I work 9-10 hours a day.

Try and change my perspective.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

In My Corner

Volleyball season started with a scrimmage game at Falcon Frenzy and introductions of all fall sports teams and players. First game is Tuesday.
She is actually passing the ball to Laura here, but you can't see her behind Makenzie. (OH!!! AND SHE MADE THE VARSITY SQUAD!!!)

Shes the little one with the yellow headband and pink and peroxide blonde stripes in the back of her hair. I told her no when she wanted to shave one side, this seemed the best compromise.

I baked on Saturday to send goodies to my college student. I miss him so much. Peanut butter kiss cookies and chocolate cake balls. They are both excellent, if I may say so myself. Good thing the box I sent was big so I didn't have to eat more. They aren't works of art, just delicious.

The baggie of cake balls next to the plate is for Denae, as she NEEDS cakeballs.

Double date night with Jake and Carrie. Always a good time. (Picture is pirated without permission from facebook.)

Steve took me out to dinner and then to see Bruce's band "GetBad". Got to see Stacy for a little bit too. (Also pirated without permission from facebook.)

Steve played softball Saturday night. I have a really bad picture from a long way out, but I can't get it to upload and didn't want to wait for it. In searching for his glove, I went through three bags of Nate's baseball stuff. Found a complete set of catcher's gear, two catcher's gloves, 6 pairs of metal cleats, two other baseball gloves, 8 pairs of batting gloves, 3 pairs of wrist sweat bands, 18 baseballs (not counting the bucket left in his room), and one half drunk bottle of gatorade. Not sure how old it is. Oh, and a pound of red dirt that is now all over my back porch.

I had some weird virus that made me feel like I was motion sick for three days. Dizzy, nausea, it was not fun. But I feel better now, and I'm looking forward to a good week.

I'm praying blessings for all who visit my blog this week!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

El Roi - The God Who Sees

Why did I believe her?

Why did I think that she would do what she said she would?

Why did I think she would do anything that was good for me, even though it didn't matter to her? Would cost her little more then ten minutes? Wouldn't hurt her and would mean the world to me?

Why do I believe the good in people even when I've never seen any?

How am I here, in this place where I feel I can't get ahead, my life is in turmoil, and hers looks so good? She has cost me so much and I'm so battered and she isn't.

Why do I keep trying to do the right thing, even though my heart and mind don't want to and it doesn't seem to make a difference?

How do I continue to care when I know it doesn't mean anything to anyone?

WHAT ABOUT ME?? Doesn't anyone see me? Doesn't anyone care? Does anyone know how hard I try? How bad I hurt? How much I ache?

Even as early as the book of Genesis, women felt this way, her name was Hagar. (Read her story in Genesis chapters 16-21). She gave God the name El Roi, the God who sees.

Genesis 16:13 [Hagar] gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: You are the God who sees me.

He sees me.

I Peter 5:7 …casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

Not only does He see me, He cares for me.

John 3:16 for God so loved the world...

Not only does He see me and care for me, He loves me.

And you too. Whatever your struggle today, He sees you. He cares for you. He loves you.

Hagar in the desert Painting by Pompeo Girolamo Batoni

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need. And more.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. Metaphor, but I do have rest and peace.

3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. The trick is following his guide and staying on the right path and bringing honor to his name. But I try, I want to.

4 Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. I certainly have times where I have to remember not to be afraid because he is with me. And I've experienced his protection and comfort. Goes hand in hand with the rest and peace from verse two.

5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. I am blessed. I have a wonderful life. I love my life.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever. I hold on to this. Unfailing love that PURSUES me all the days of my life. ALL THE DAYS. UNFAILING LOVE.

Been quoting this to myself today. Kind of singing it to myself more than quoting, but it really is comforting.

Have a blessed week everyone!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Ah haaa

I (think) know what I believe. I (think) know the principles I stand on. Until I realize that somewhere between what I believe and what I know is my actions. And they don't (always) match up.

That happened to me this week. I was asked a question. What 3 things do you know now you wish you'd known back in the day. I answered after thinking. Because my answers are things I should've always known with my background, but haven't always been things I believe in strongly and know to the center of my soul.

My answers were
1. Jesus never fails.
2. God loves me because he chooses to. (I wrestled with how God could love me for a long time, realizing this and accepting this was a big deal for this bad girl).
3. Everyone is special and valuable as a creation of Christ.

The third one is the one that was my Ah haaa moment this week. I treated someone like they weren't worth my time. I talked to someone else like I didn't think they were good enough. I looked at someone and felt sorry for them for something they couldn't help. OUCH. I didn't feel very good about myself.

Because I do believe God created each one of us uniquely and specially. And I believe we are all created imperfect, but that God is doing a work in us and we will be complete in him on the day we see him. (I'm pretty excited about that)! And I believe we are all supposed to strive to live better on earth every moment of every day. Try to be more like Jesus.

So there are a couple of people I need to look for the good in, even if all I can see is that God created them. I need to treat everyone I come in contact with the value they deserve as a creation of Christ. I need to realize that my time is not more important than how someone else feels when I walk away after contact with them. And feeling sorry for someone for something they can't help? God gave them that. It is there's to overcome and use for his glory.

One worship song this morning Steve sang had the lyrics "You make all things work together for my good". I have hated this verse for the past several months. There are somethings that have no good in them. There are some things I don't want to recognize good in. There are some things I don't ever want to hear someone say, "God used that in you." Because I don't want there to be any good in it. But this morning as I DIDN'T sing those lyrics, because I kind of don't sing worship lyrics I don't mean, I thought about the scripture passage this comes from, Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I can't say I love God and not believe this. I want to believe I've been called to some purpose for him.

And I sang those lyrics with a few tears, because I was letting go of something I didn't really want to. With letting go of it I am giving up and letting God work this for my good. Even though I don't really think I want it, and inside I'm screaming "why am I not good enough yet?" I really know the answer to that.

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

He began a good work in me a long time ago, (maybe because he knew he would need a lot more years to complete it in me) and he will work ALL THINGS for my good until the day of completion.

One more step forward. Holy or broken? A lot of both. But maybe my heart can be more whole after it's been put together by Jesus. He continues to put my heart back together and bring healing to me.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

When socks are a good present

When they are injinji's. When they are unexpected. When they are wild enough Steve and Whitney won't wear them.

I love these socks.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Conversations with Whitney

Setting: my kitchen between school and volleyball practice Thursday night. Wednesday, first day of school was so bad Whitney had to drown her sorrows with a stuffed crust pizza.

Whitney: I'm taking a piece of pizza to Keeley.
Me: Okay. Did she miss dinner?
Whitney: No, her parents are on a health kick.
Me: You know all about that.
Whitney: That's why I'm taking her pizza.

Everyone needs a Whitney.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Random thoughts

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to school today. It's the first day of sophomore year for Whitney. Such an uneventful year. Sophomore. And no school supplies, she'll be coming home with lists for each class for the next two weeks. All she needed was her purse, id and lunch money. And some new kick a$$ purple chuck taylors. This is her new hair color last night. The light brown didn't cover the red very well. But there is a bright pink and peroxide blonde streak in the back you can only see when she wears it up in her poof.

I like to wear dresses. Frilly, girly, pretty dresses. And jewelry. And make up. And high heels. Life is too short to wear ugly shoes is one of my mottoes.

You know how some people have a knee that tells them when it's going to rain? I have a shoulder that lets me know when I'm suffering from stress. Like I need shoulder and neck pain to tell me I have stress.

I have heard it said that the things you worry most about never happen. That's true.

Steve sang at a memorial service for one of the greatest men I have ever personally known. Judge Paul Clark. Steve got to sing in a style I would label "baptist old school". Suit and tie, (he looked sharp) Ray Boltz "Thank You For Giving to the Lord" with a CD. He sounded great. And I got to see some old friends from Newspring. Haven't seen them in 5 months. Pastor Mark, Linda, Pat (I loveloveLOVE Pat), Ryan, Melinda, Kevin, Melissa, Dan (okay, I see Dan at work and we've been out to dinner with him and Jackie, so not 5 months there).

I ran four miles with Sheila at 5:00 this morning. I was feeling so good at mile four I was wishing I could run Saturday mornings scheduled 8 miles.

My favorite college era local rock band did a reunion gig last weekend. Room Full of Walters. Went to The Loft Saturday night and hit the rewind button on my life to return to 1991. Which is a really weird feeling. My friend from forever, Alan is in RFOW, second from left. They played early alternative music, XTC, REM, Duran Duran, The Mighty Lemon Drops, the Cure and some original stuff. And some Elvis.

He is currently in Lucky People Band, far left. He is one of the few high school holdover friends that is Steve's friend now as much as he is mine. And he is an awesome drummer. They play rock, 80's through some current stuff. Great fun.

This should probably be titled Random Boring Thoughts, but if you are reading this, you stuck it out to the end, so you are as bored as I am boring.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I believe

I believe in gatorade, roctane, injinji toe socks and camelback.

I believe in yellow princess running skirts, blue sports bras and cold weather running tights.

I believe in sweating till it runs down your arms and drips off your elbows.

I believe in meeting people you love at 5:00 a.m. for six miles.

I believe in 9:00 p.m. runs, if it's the only time you can find.

I believe in trail runs, pavement runs and treadmill runs.

I believe in running harder, running faster, running further, and then running just a little bit more.

I believe in speedwork.

I believe in long, slow, easy runs.

I believe in running in solitude.

I believe in running in quiet.

I believe in running with your loudest booty shakin' playlist.

I believe in diet coke as a recovery drink.

I believe in snowy runs, rainy runs, cold runs, and hot runs.

I believe in 10K's, 10 milers, half marathons, marathons and ultra-marathons.

I believe in running just for running's sake.

I believe running is good for the body, mind and soul.

I believe I look really good after a ten mile run.

I believe you can make new friends based on one shared interest.

I believe nothing feels like crossing the finish line, we just all forget how it feels after we outgrow elementary school.

I believe. I run. BECAUSE I WANT TO.

***This post was inspired by a facebook comment from Julie Price to Carrie Arnett, it said "Sorry I made you wake up at 5:45 on your birthday. But glad to share a bday run. Jake should totally take kids somewhere so you can nap later."

No sleeping in for the birthday girl, and it made me think of all the things I love about running. And without permission, I'm posting this picture of Carrie and Julie after they did the Warrior Dash. It's a 5K with obstacles. Mud, creeks, flaming hay bales (I think). I call them wonder mud women.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Conversations without Nate

Nate's been gone a week. The following are statements not heard in my house the last seven days.

You are here. Where's your car?

Is there enough gas for me to drive to work?

Who ate all the chips, salsa, spaghetti, spinach dip, powdered donuts, fruit loops, pizza, ramen, popcorn, gatorade, ravioli, cookies....and so on.

NATE! Stop iiiiitttttt.

Guess what episode of Sponge Bob is on!

And we are missing a lot if laughter. He laughed a lot. I loved to hear him laughing in his bedroom over The Office or Wilfred or Cheers, etc.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm not good

Someone I know, that I know well enough to know that they are not interested in living for God, they have told me they don’t need church or religion, and that God has let them down. They live so that no one would know they are Christians, to the point of putting down other people who are. I wouldn’t say this about many people, but these, I know.

So something happened for them the other day, something good, and they said it was an answer to prayer. In this specific case, I’m praying for the same thing. Hasn’t been answered for me. I was quite unhappy. I do know better than this, really, but I was upset. Why did God see fit to answer their prayer and not mine? He’s an add on in their life. They aren’t interested in living for him, so why should they get the blessings while I continue to try and live the best I can, (knowing my best is pitiful, but I’m trying) and feel like my prayers are falling on deaf ears.

It didn’t take long before I calmed myself (and remembered the verses David wrote about bad things happen to good people and evil people get blessed and why???) and I went on with my day. Kind of. In a snit. What’s the point in being good? In doing right? In even trying? My life has certainly been painful lately.

But again, my Christian school education does me proud as this verse began to rattle around me head.

Galatians 6:9 “So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.”

So I confessed, adjusted my attitude, best as possible, thanked God for their blessing (and this was really hard, but Steve continues to make the point to me to pray for those I have a hard time forgiving and it will come, and he’s right. It’s hard to stay angry and vengeful when you are praying for someone, unless you are praying locusts on their harvest…) and will continue to pray for mine, because at just the right time, I will see the harvest of blessing.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It's her birthday

Like you all haven't seen tons of pictures of her. Today is her 15th birthday. She is number 5, and she came along and pulled a fragmented family together. She is the "OURS" in a yours, mine and ours family, and I'm pretty sure she is the glue that holds us all together.

She has been a light in my life from day one. She has a smile that lights a room. A laugh that is contagious. A sense of humor that is irrepressible. And a wit that never stops. She told me the other day that the snake she brought home was dead because it was laying on the street and it baked.

I remember the day she was born. I had a difficult delivery with Nate (to say the least) and had the same OB. When he came in and said it was time to deliver Whitney and that they had a team on standby for both Whitney and I because of the past history, I freaked out. I delivered her with an oxygen mask on my nose.

She took the majority of her naps snuggled up on Steve's chest. She walked at 8 months, gave up her bottle at a year, spoke full sentences (there's my mommy, where's my pacifier) at 16 months, was potty trained at two, and off the pacifier at about three. I have pictures of her with one in her mouth and a spare in each hand.

Life has never been boring around her. She was my "bonus baby" and I thank God for her. He definitely did good work with her.

I'm going to leave you with a few of my favorite Whitneyism's,and if you've heard them before, they are worth a laugh the second time.

"There's no food in this house. You feed Crist (our World Vision child) better than you feed me."

I have 105 "Conversations with Whitney" posts. This is one of my top 25

Setting: Dillons meat department. Whitney is holding a full chicken against her forehead.

Whitney: What is the square root of 16?

Me: Huh?

Whitney: What?? It’s a “smart chicken” (brand name of chicken).

Random thoughts

I washed my dresses the other day. Set the water temp to cold, selected delicate cycle, took my dresses off the hangers, (I hang them up dirty so no one else washes them for me) and put them in the basin. Then I added detergent. Tide febreze sport.

I woke up Saturday morning. Felt skinny, so I got on the scale. I was down again. Which I’ve been working hard, but I still am always excited when the scale moves. Ran 8 miles. Went to a birthday party and ate extra salad and pork loin to avoid rolls, cake, cookies and pie. Then was a little miffed that I didn’t bring any of the half the cake that was leftover home with me.

Sheila went on vacation for 7 days. I wanted to respect her family time, so I purposely didn’t text her. Or so I thought. I looked at my phone. I left her alone for one whole day of her vacation.

I’m meeting Sheila to run at 5:00 a.m. Normally a 35 degree drop in temperature requires a wardrobe change. Do I need my cold weather tights? It’s going to be 70 degrees.

Monday, August 8, 2011

I use my words

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I use a lot of words. I talk a lot, text a lot, e-mail a lot, and even talk on the phone. Additionally, I use lots of words, right here on this blog. I have some rules for these words.

I try to keep it positive. I try not to put anyone down, and if I do single out actions, I try to keep it at a level no one knows it's about them. Except about the orange sundress story, and that was intentional.

There is a blog that has some very hurtful words about me. I asked the author to remove them, but she said she wouldn't because it was part of "her story". I don't visit this blog, but occasionally a well meaning individual will ask me if I know it's out there. I do. This happened last week, it was brought to my attention again. And it just reiterated to me that words hurt. The person who pointed it out to me and the words themself. When someone is hateful and hurtful to you on something as public as a blog, you never know who all has read it. Some of my friends, some of my family, and in this case, I know some people enjoyed it.

I was thinking about how to deal with harsh words. Hurtful words, any words that make you angry or upset. And I went to a meeting today and had to deal with some hurtful words. And it wasn't said in anger. Just words that cut into me pretty deep. So I just answered the questions kindly, directly and picked a seat in the conference room far away.

There are days I would love to tear apart everyone who has hurt me. Publically on my blog, or on their facebook page or even through a personal text, phone call or letter. But I'm pretty sure it would only make me feel worse. Because the verse above says a gentle answer turns away wrath. I don't want wrath in my life. I want love and mercy and gentleness.

And I come to realize that as much as these public words about me hurt, that maybe anyone that reads them will see that I'm less to be pitied than the author. (I'm not mentioned by name, so googling won't help). I realized that just like I'm so careful what I say because it could hurt someone, if I say something harmful, it could also hurt me. Current and future friendships and relationships. What if someone I really love reads something and says, I can't believe she said that? What if I hurt someone they love?

And before you all think I worry to much about what others think of me, when it comes to words, Jesus had this to say in Matthew 12:36, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

I want there to be as few as possible careless, hurtful words from me that I have to account for on the day of judgment.

I will continue to use my words, and occasionally rant and rave. And think really hard about my responsibility to the lady about the orange sundress.

Let me leave with positive, uplifting words...

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

In My Corner

Birthday party for Whitney and Brandon. Fifteen years of joint parties. I got to fix dessert. Pumpkin pie for Brandon, cake balls for Whitney, sugar cookies as a go away for Jeff, and horse birthday cake for soon to be niece in law who is an equestrian.

The birthday duo

Ran with Steve Thursday night. First run together since Christmas break. I have missed this/him.

I was talking to Steve Saturday night. Remember when I said about ten days ago there would be less tears? Well, other than Friday, there has been less. But Saturday I asked Steve if he knew what today is. (Men hate that question.) He said no, and I told him it's the first day in over 4 months that I haven't cried. And he looked at me and said "don't start now".

I miss Nate. Already. The empty room at the back of the house needs something (besides deep cleaning). The party Saturday night had a hole that needed Nate. My car has too much gas. My refrigerator has too many leftovers. And he's only been gone two days.

Enrolled Whitney for sophomore year of high school. Why is it so stinking expensive?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Snack Time

Friday night Whitney asked me to take her to Claire's house to spend the night. Which I was happy to do. Claire comes from a great family. You have seen pictures of her on here if you've been reading for the last 6 months or so.

As we left the house, Whitney was carrying a snack. (Again, please don't judge my parenting. She's the fifth child, I'm tired.)

As I pulled away from Claire's house I laughed. I have been dropping off and picking up Nate at this house for four years. Even two weeks ago, I picked Nate up there because he rode over there with Eric, who then left to go to his girlfriend Hilary's house and Nate stayed with Hannah. He needed a ride home, so I went after him. Claire is Hannah's little sister. Nate left for college yesterday, and last night I was still driving to his girlfriends house. Which is okay, because the Tristschler's are a good family. Three more years of running back and forth down 45th street.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Poof!!! Just like that...

He's gone.

I watched the u-haul drive down the road with two strong handsome young men in it, and it was everything I expected and more. And not in a good way. I (sorta) held my tears because Nate hates to see me cry, managed to only be a little choked up. as I mumbled don't go without anything you need, I love you, I'll miss you. And no mom stuff, because it's too late for that kind of parenting. I've had the last 6,964 days for that. I have had 10,028,640 minutes with this 9 lb 15.5 oz miracle and I would have loved just one more today. One more where he was still mine.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I've been whining about Nate leaving. I was talking to Stacy, (newest member of my herd) she has a son Nate's age. She said, it's hard when they leave, and I agreed. And she said, at least it's not Afghanistan.

Changed my thinking.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Choose You

I walked slowly up to him, twisting my hands nervously.

"I'm so sorry, I screwed up again. Will you forgive me?"

"Child, your sins have been hurled into the depths of the sea". Micah 7:19

"I do the same things over and over though. I'm scared you'll get tired of my failing."

"My child, I have loved you with an unfailing love." Jeremiah 31:3

"I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to be good. I can't seem to get it right."

"If you confess your sins, I am faithful. I will forgive." 1 John 1:9

"How can you forgive me? How can you love me?"

"You are precious in my sight. You are called by my name, you are created for my glory." Isaiah 43:1-7

"I'm so unworthy. I'm not talented or beautiful. I'm not strong. I'm not good at anything. I'm not changing the world. I'm not even changing my part of the world. I'm just here. Living, breathing, getting by. Trying. What brings you glory in that? What is there to love?"

"You are fearfuly and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 "You are moving forward. You are trying. Keep breathing, keep loving. Keep pressing on". Philippians 3:14

"You love me"? I asked, whispering, questioning.

"You are mine. I bought you at a very high price". 1 Corinthians 16:20 "Nothing can separate you from my love". Romans 8:39.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Mr. Cellophane

I’ve done some serious soul searching in the last 6 months. What is wrong with me, what is right with me, where do I need to make changes, etc. I discovered something. In the areas I’m real, I’m me, open, honest, transparent, right or wrong, bring on the constructive criticism, challenge me to make me a better ME, I don’t fail. Even in my weaknesses, I don’t fail.

But when I try to be what others think I should be or copy others, that’s the areas I get it wrong. God created me. And he is doing his work that will be completed someday and I’ll be perfect. Hard to believe, but even me. I get to be perfect. But he is not doing a work that will be completed when I’m like anybody other than Jesus. When I try to be like a woman I admire or one who is popular and has lots of friends or is more godly than me, I am a marine biologist. A marine biologist that lives in Kansas no less (pop culture reference to George Costanza on Seinfeld). I am living and pretending to be something I am not. Put simply in the words of my pastor, I’m a poser.

I heard a lady once say that she wanted to be like Beth Moore. I never purposely tried to mimic anyone. I’ve always wanted to be more like Jesus. Why settle for trying to be like someone on earth that is trying to be like Jesus? We can skip the middle man and go straight to the model himself. Live and love like Jesus.

This is where I’ve gotten into trouble lately. The old stumbling block issue. Am I doing something that will cause someone else to fail in their walk with Christ? And what is my responsibility? I tend to have the attitude that no one is watching me. That no one pays attention to me. Like the words from the song

Mr. Cellophane

Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Mister cellophane
Should have been my name !!!!
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

Truth is someone is always watching.

I’m torn between some great spiritual application or…

Ranting and raving!!! Of course I’m not gonna take the high road. It’s lonely up there.

If I wear a sundress over my swimsuit and stop at the grocery store on my way home from the pool, I am not a stumbling block, I just needed a few things. My shoulders, clavicle and upper arms are pretty dang sexy (I got muscles and a great tan) but COME ON!!! The orange sundress is beautiful. Just because it made your husband uncomfortable and you insecure does not make me a stumbling block. And the idea that it is okay for you to lecture me from your superior spiritual intellect that as a “woman of God” yada yada yada (pop culture reference - two Seinfeld references in one post, is this causing anyone to stumble?) really didn’t sit well. And yes, I look good, and it is not, I REPEAT, it is not because of stress. I have sweated my #@&*# off and counted every stinking calorie and been hungry for six months. (Does that explain the hostility???)

I am, however, quite proud of how well I held my tongue in that moment. And I read this and was going to delete the above comment, but in the interest of full disclosure, transparency and honesty, you get to experience the real me. Good, bad and the ugly.