Ah haaa

I (think) know what I believe. I (think) know the principles I stand on. Until I realize that somewhere between what I believe and what I know is my actions. And they don't (always) match up.

That happened to me this week. I was asked a question. What 3 things do you know now you wish you'd known back in the day. I answered after thinking. Because my answers are things I should've always known with my background, but haven't always been things I believe in strongly and know to the center of my soul.

My answers were
1. Jesus never fails.
2. God loves me because he chooses to. (I wrestled with how God could love me for a long time, realizing this and accepting this was a big deal for this bad girl).
3. Everyone is special and valuable as a creation of Christ.

The third one is the one that was my Ah haaa moment this week. I treated someone like they weren't worth my time. I talked to someone else like I didn't think they were good enough. I looked at someone and felt sorry for them for something they couldn't help. OUCH. I didn't feel very good about myself.

Because I do believe God created each one of us uniquely and specially. And I believe we are all created imperfect, but that God is doing a work in us and we will be complete in him on the day we see him. (I'm pretty excited about that)! And I believe we are all supposed to strive to live better on earth every moment of every day. Try to be more like Jesus.

So there are a couple of people I need to look for the good in, even if all I can see is that God created them. I need to treat everyone I come in contact with the value they deserve as a creation of Christ. I need to realize that my time is not more important than how someone else feels when I walk away after contact with them. And feeling sorry for someone for something they can't help? God gave them that. It is there's to overcome and use for his glory.

One worship song this morning Steve sang had the lyrics "You make all things work together for my good". I have hated this verse for the past several months. There are somethings that have no good in them. There are some things I don't want to recognize good in. There are some things I don't ever want to hear someone say, "God used that in you." Because I don't want there to be any good in it. But this morning as I DIDN'T sing those lyrics, because I kind of don't sing worship lyrics I don't mean, I thought about the scripture passage this comes from, Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I can't say I love God and not believe this. I want to believe I've been called to some purpose for him.

And I sang those lyrics with a few tears, because I was letting go of something I didn't really want to. With letting go of it I am giving up and letting God work this for my good. Even though I don't really think I want it, and inside I'm screaming "why am I not good enough yet?" I really know the answer to that.

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

He began a good work in me a long time ago, (maybe because he knew he would need a lot more years to complete it in me) and he will work ALL THINGS for my good until the day of completion.

One more step forward. Holy or broken? A lot of both. But maybe my heart can be more whole after it's been put together by Jesus. He continues to put my heart back together and bring healing to me.