Who Am I?

I'd tell you right now I don't know the answer to this question. I used to know who I was (or at least who I thought I was). I had an idea of what my future held. What I was going to do with the rest of my life. And while I'm not exactly day to day, I'm not looking too far in the future.

Lately I even surprise myself. I'm not the same. I've done so many things that surprise and even shock me. I'm honestly not concerned about it either. Who am I? I pulled these lyrics from a song from Les Miserables.

Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on

I don't need to be defined. Who am I? Does it matter? If you know me well enough to think you could define me, will you still love me if all you thought I was isn't there? If it's replaced by something else?

My soul belongs to God. I gave it to him a long time ago. And he gave me hope when hope was gone. He gave me strength to journey on. So I journey on. Not the same. Never the same. Content with where I am. With where he takes me.

My day didn't start this way. It started with a pitiful text to a good friend. Who answered me "Stop it! Seriously!" Which is what I needed to hear. There was more after it. And it was good. But she could've saved herself the keystrokes and the additional encouragement. Those three words did it.

If I have to answer the question "Who Am I"? today, I would say definitely not the person I was two months ago. And I don't want to be her. Don't think for a second I'm happy with what's happened to my life. The fall out is horrific. It's the effect of throwing a rock in a pond and watching the ripples move out. I'll be dealing with ripples for a long time and they are big ripples and they pull me under.

I'm not going to define who I was and who I am, because I'm constantly changing. Philippians 1:6 says "God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns." Who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow. But someday I will be who I am supposed to be, and until then, I have the promise that God will not stop working in me until I am that person.

The rest of my text included scolding me for giving into negative thinking and telling me to give God glory for creating me, because he knew what he was doing.