Skeleton(s) from my closet

Recently read something about bad dates. I haven’t dated in 16 years. Before that though, I had some doozies. So for all of you young women out there who think dating is so hard today, it’s not really that much different now than it was 20 years ago. I’ll share some examples.

The guy who broke up with me…when he called me for a ride home because he was too drunk to drive home FROM HIS BACHELOR PARTY. His other girlfriend was pregnant.

The guy that a friend set me up with that was a first year attorney at a local prestigious law firm. He was six inches shorter than me. He had a shaggy beard.
He had recently started singing karaoke and everyone loved him, in his words. He was thinking about quitting his job and starting a band. His dad stopped by to have a beer with us and meet me. (First date, people. FIRST BLIND DATE!) Date said at least 6 times “I can’t believe I’m here with you.” He wore a floral shirt unbuttoned to the navel, khaki shorts and sandals. The shirt hung below his thighs. I lasted 45 minutes and one beer before I ran to my car.

The only other “set up” I participated in. On my lunch hour from work. Met him at Chi Chi’s. When he walked in, I wanted to bolt. Former college football player translates to “sloppy fat ex-jock”. At this time in my life I played co-ed softball two nights a week and volleyball two nights a week. I judged him solely on appearance. Which he did the same with me. He was interested, I was not.

The guy who dated me and always wanted to come to my house. Because he really wanted my roommate.

The guy that dated me because he wanted me AND my roommate.

The guy who dated me because he had dated my roommate and wanted to get back at her.

The 40 year old guy who kept trying to “buy” me with elaborate dates and weekend getaways (he worked for TWA, got free flights). Kind of made me feel like a whore. Only went out once, then I turned down vacation weekends and some killer dates, like the pre-season Kansas City Chiefs party.

The guy that dated me for several weeks and then abruptly quit calling. He called again six months later. I was rude. And found out his unit got called up spur of the moment in the first Gulf War. He was a fighter pilot.

The guy that waited 12 dates to kiss me. By then, it was so weird I laughed when he kissed me the first time and he never asked me out again. (I was a second or third date kind of girl…unless he tried on the first date and he was really hot.)

On the flip side…I started dating when I was 16, married at 28. I had lots of opportunity to wreak havoc, and did.

I dated two guys at a time. Several times. (One time, briefly, I tried to juggle three.) Sometimes they knew each other. Once, they even passed each other in the hallway of my apartment. And neither dumped me.

I dated a guy because he was a pilot. With his own airplane. So I could get a free ride. (Not the fighter pilot above).

I dated a guy because he had tickets to see the Eagles.

I dated a guy senior year of high school because a girl I didn’t like wanted him. I didn’t want him, but I went after him just so she couldn’t have him.

I stood a guy up for lunch once because he was 2 minutes late. I passed him on my way out of the parking lot as he was pulling in.

I stood a guy up once because he was 10 minutes late. Left my house, went to my parents so I wouldn’t be there when he showed up late. Left him a nasty note taped to the door.

I went to a party with a date once and left with a different guy.

I broke up with a guy the day before we were going to Kansas City. He already had purchased tickets to Worlds of Fun and a Royals game. We were going with another couple.

After one boyfriend dumped me, I dated three of his close friends. He didn’t really care, but I felt better.

I dated one guy in between his two girlfriends. He actually married one, divorced her and then married the other. They were both good friends of mine. Don’t judge me. He was hot. Still is. And is a friend of Steve’s. Weird world I live in.

Eventually I figured it out. Straightened up. But for every guy that treated me not great, there was a guy out there I treated pretty shabby. Ohhh, those were the days. While I should feel bad, maybe remorseful even, these are all fun memories now. I laughed while I was typing this. I was a dating terrorist. Gave and received. I noticed my list of things I “gave” is longer than the list of things I “received”.