no "what ifs"

I heard this phrase come out of a preachers mouth at a funeral this week. In a week that has sucked, and I mean SUCKED
it was good for me to hear. God has everything in his plan. He does. So I have to trust that he can work miracles in lives and situations that I can't.

Just for example, I took a day of vacation from work on Wednesday. Work has been sucking bad too. More about that later.

That day of vacation included a trip to the court house, a trip to the jail, a bail bondsman, a broken wheel axle, a tow truck, a visit to hell the DMV, and above mentioned funeral.

As bad as all that sounds, and it was baaaaadddd, there were two other situations this week that were even worse. Please, don't be jealous, enough misery for us all in this world.

Throw in the torn meniscus so my main stress reliever is painful and I'm about to resort to anti-depressents. All things considered, I'm making it.

Did I say I'm making it? Actually, I'm thriving. Except for that dang knee.

Life is good. It really is. Or should I say God is good. Situations suck, (I'm using that word a lot) but as long as I know he holds my tomorrow, I can be sure there are no "what ifs".

I can look at my past few years and see where he has not left me alone. Not let me down. Provided everything I've needed. From finances, jobs, health, compassion (yep, I know I'm not the most compassionate person), love, patience, kindness, temperance (the things I didn't say shows God can muzzle anyone) and fun. I have a fun life.

Not to brag or show off, but to count my fun blessings, I've been on several long weekend trips with Steve already this year and seen some cool things.

There have been concerts, every movie I want to see, Music Theatre production of Les Miserables this weekend, races and training runs with Sheila. 4 workouts per week with Marquis. (This is FUN)!!!

We go out to dinner with our friends. Double dates and groups. I got to see one of my dearest friends in the world this week that was in town from Indiana. Now if I can figure out how to see the one in California and the one in Massechusetts...

4 of my 5 kids are employed. Just last month, all 5 of them were unemployed. Timing issue, but still, they are all working. My sweet Steve is napping (at 11:00 p.m.) in the recliner. My precious boy Nate is asleep with Belle (she's such a good puppy) in his room. My doll baby Whitney is out with Kelsey, spending money she made at her job on her very own debit card.

I am trying to decide whether or not to go to bed hungry or have a snack. As I have a refrigerator, freezer and cabinets full of food.

So yep, life is good to me.

I will some day read this and be happy I wrote it as a reminder.

Does that make me crazy?

I had a day where I kept smelling something really fresh smelling. It was wonderful. I was in the car, but it wasn't an air freshener, because I would know that.

Then I could smell it at work, but I couldn't figure it out there either.

Same shampoo, always use the same detergent and fabric sheets, I've worn the exact same perfume for 8 years.

Then I raised my arm and turned my head at the same time.

THAT WAS IT!!

I had put Whitney's Secret deoderant on instead of my usual Dove unscented.

Concealed carry

A friend of mine went to her concealed carry class this weekend. It doesn't scare me to think that when we are sitting at a restaurant eating dinner or getting a pedicure that she might have a 38 tucked in her Coach. Although that manicurist...

But there are some people...

I've seen a few facebook friends, women, who talked about going to their concealed carry classes. And frankly, one of them scared me to death.

If you are wearing bifocals and orthopedic shoes I don't want you with a gun.


Do you wander, like me, how many people out in public now carry weapons? I know some of Steve's friends do. I think you should have the right, heck, it's protected in our constitution.

I'm just not sure I feel safer.

When things aren't what they seem

I appear normal. I laugh. I go to work. I work out. I put on my face and my expression every day. But underneath it???

My life has been turned upside down the last month. I feel like I'm standing in the edge of the ocean just far enough that the waves are knocking me down. Every time I get my feet under me and stand up, soaked, dripping, gasping for air, gulping, cautious with my feet under me, the next wave hits and WHAM!!!

I'm fighting my way to the top again.

I guess I had it pretty easy for a while.

Some of it is really not that big of a deal. Just life. But you know how it is, you pile enough small stressers on and then the big ones buckle you right away.

Like Whitney getting a job before she got her license. And her permit expired. So she has to take the test to get her permit then the drivers test for her license. If you aren't there before noon, you won't get in that day. A legal guardian has to take her, so grandma, while she is willing, can't do it.

Torn meniscus. Doctor's official diagnosis "big old flap tear". 45 minute max procedure, weight bearing, can walk out after, don't even have to use crutches. In the world of knee issues, fairly minimal. Due to Steve's departments vacation schedule, it's scheduled for July 23. Which is okay, it's hurt for a year, what's another 4 weeks. Except who thinks logically when you are the one in pain and want to get it done?

Work's been crazy stressful. I've shut down two production lines and almost missed a delivery of a spares assembly. Just to explain how big a deal that is, I miss a shipment to my end customer, Boeing, of a 787 assembly, they miss a delivery to their end customer, a major airline. We are talking airplanes over 100 million dollars. I don't like it when vice presidents know my name. And my cell phone number. I'm not crazy about working Saturdays, but I've been doing it.

Nate moved home. He's been a lot of help. He takes Whitney to work and picks her up. After two years on his own, the boy does laundry and dishes...

But he has some things we have to clean up from his time in Lawrence. Stressful. Upsetting. And we are working through it, but I've lost some sleep over it.

Another one of my kids has made some life decisions that have put her in a really bad spot right now. And she continues to make bad decisions and makes no effort to change the course of her life. Spiraling further down.

Another one is living a questionable life style.

Another one just scares me to death right now. Moving out of state, to a place I'd rather her not live, to a job she has no business doing and I can't do anything.

I say I can't do anything, but I pray. For everyone of these situations. Because that's all I got. (Well, except the knee, I've got insurance and a surgeon, lol, but I don't discount God's goodness in the wisdom of doctor's, techology of the medical field and blessing of insurance).

In addition, I can't run very well with the bad knee which is one of my greatest stress relievers.

BUT...I've lived through worse and I know that life cycles. High's and lows, valleys and mountains, and this too, shall pass.

On a good note, I have a very understanding boss who has had multiple knee surgeries himself and already told me I'd want to take a week off with it. Steve can take off to go with me and take me to my first physical therapy appointment and he's no stranger to knee surgery either so I got him to help me through.

My kids are young adults and every decision I made as a young adult was not good. I overcame a lot of my bad decision making questionable life choices so maybe they will too.

And we have some fun trips coming up for races and just for fun over the next year and a half and I'll not have any knee pain.

In the words of Annie...

"I'll just pick up my chin, and grin, and say The sun'll come out tomorrow so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may".

Conversations with Whitney

Whitney: apparently I've been spitting mad truths for awhile now.

welcome to the family

She was Jazz for about 12 hours. Then she was nameless for the next 36. Whitney finally named her Belle, because she needed a princess name.

She sleeps at Whitney's feet, follows me everywhere, roams the neighborhood with Nate and runs from Steve. I also ruined her for bacon snacks forever by dropping a whole piece of cooked bacon this morning and she got it before I did. She liked it.

Mountain Man on the far right came home last Friday. Yesterday he worked his first shift at Enterprise. Good to have him home. He's easing into life back in Wichita, America.
(Funny side story, my parents and Whitney went to my mom's family reunion. I had other plans didn't want to go. They stopped at my dad's sisters house in Turon, Kansas, population 375 if you count pets. I believe between my parents we're related somehow to everyone in town. My uncle Kenny asks my dad "How's life in good ole Wichita, America?" My dad answers, "terrible. The socialists are taking over." We've laughed about this since Memorial Day). Anyway, back to mountain man, he shaved the beard and mustache and head for his interview Wednesday, so he looks nice and citified now. I'm not sure what friends he's hanging out with, room mate from Lawrence moved back the same time and lives 5 miles from us so they are still thick as thieves.

Whitney started her first job this week, sales at TJ Maxx. She is definitely by all accounts a Maxxinista. Designer tastes, discount budget. Seems to like it okay.

Had an MRI on Thursday, see the doctor this Wednesday for course of action. I'm not sure if it really hurts worse than it did or if the fact that I've finally acknowledged it allows me to be a wuss. Probably some of both. It also stays noticeably swollen, so I guess I can just own the wussification of Patsy for now.

DNF

I suffered my first DNF. DNF (did not finish). I saw an orthopedic doc on Friday morning. Family doc and ortho doc have both said I have torn meniscus in my right knee. Most likely goes back to volleyball. Running has bothered it from time to time, but never enough to stop training. But...

Then I started working with Marquis. His workouts over the last year have put stress on my knee in way different than running so I'm going to be looking at surgery. I noticed it last August when I ran the Glow Run 5K and taped it. Then in February after walking for two days at Steve's 100 mile race on the way home in the car it was killing me and that was when I thought about going to the doctor. But I didn't. So here I am now.

Anyway, confirmation of torn meniscus, run a 10K, I was fine. Run a half marathon the next weekend...not so much. It was a tough course, I know that, I've run it before. But there was a mile of trail that was slanted sideways, hills, lots of down hill, which is especially hard, and never flat or straight. When I came out of that section and climbed the dam I knew I had to make the decision while I was close to the finish line, did I quit or did I walk the rest of the way. At that point, I knew if I went on I would have to finish. I also knew that Steve would catch me on his second loop of the marathon. He was 14th, second best marathon time he's ever had, and he has ran this race every year it's been in existence which is pretty cool, I think.

I made the best decision. The wise decision. Not the one I wanted, but I quit 7 miles in. 10K to go. I hated it. I still feel like a quitter.

Anyway, I'm going to get it fixed and then see when I can start back up and will pick my "come back". No rush, of course.

I'm not a quitter. I may be dead last, but by golly I'm going to finish. I don't give up on relationships, I will fight to the death for what I believe in.

I'm going to end with the easy verse, but it's one of my favorites:

2 Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

If I gave you the verse before and after, it's actually a lot to think about. But in this case, I just want to say, I did not finish. And for me, that's what it's about. Finishing. Anyone can sign up and get the tee shirt with their registration. But you have to finish to get the medal, to get the reward. And that always means something to me.

So I will nurse my wounded knee and my wounded ego and eventually never get over it.

Do you ever feel like a quitter? Does it hurt you as much as it does me?

(I have a picture from the starting line, but it's really bad so I'm not sharing. I didn't finish, I don't have to show a bad picture. New rule.)

Quotes from Whitney's friends

"Dreamed I was a princess. Woke up, I'm still one."

"It's not your or you're. It's MINE! ALL MINE!"

"30 day 10k training plan. Day 1, run half mile, walk half mile, repeat 3 times. Day 2-30 carb load. I thimk I'm ready".

Does that make me crazy?

Not sure what is worse... that I have a 21 year old pair of sweat pants or that I still wear them.

River Run

Last Saturday Sheila met me and Steve at 6:30 a.m. for the River Run 10K. We were both under trained but that didn't stop us. It was my slowest 10K to date but thoroughly enjoyed it and felt better about this finish then I have many other races. I'm still considering Storm the Dam half marathon next Saturday.

Sheila and I have ran (I think) 3 10k's, 3 half marathons and 2 10 milers together and countless training miles. Here's to many more.

I have learned

I planned a couple activities for Steve and I this weekend. Two of them bombed. I told him he was in charge from now on. He said it doesn't get me off the hook. I learned the effort was appreciated.

Chafing hurts.

I don't get the fascination with Target. Household items are more expensive than Walmart and Dillons. Clothes are about the same as TJ Maxx.

10k distance is my hardest distance. (I find this weird).

I would rather work out then read about it or pin others workouts.

Cutting fruits and veggies takes time. It's always worth it.