I appear normal. I laugh. I go to work. I work out. I put on my face and my expression every day. But underneath it???
My life has been turned upside down the last month. I feel like I'm standing in the edge of the ocean just far enough that the waves are knocking me down. Every time I get my feet under me and stand up, soaked, dripping, gasping for air, gulping, cautious with my feet under me, the next wave hits and WHAM!!!
I'm fighting my way to the top again.
I guess I had it pretty easy for a while.
Some of it is really not that big of a deal. Just life. But you know how it is, you pile enough small stressers on and then the big ones buckle you right away.
Like Whitney getting a job before she got her license. And her permit expired. So she has to take the test to get her permit then the drivers test for her license. If you aren't there before noon, you won't get in that day. A legal guardian has to take her, so grandma, while she is willing, can't do it.
Torn meniscus. Doctor's official diagnosis "big old flap tear". 45 minute max procedure, weight bearing, can walk out after, don't even have to use crutches. In the world of knee issues, fairly minimal. Due to Steve's departments vacation schedule, it's scheduled for July 23. Which is okay, it's hurt for a year, what's another 4 weeks. Except who thinks logically when you are the one in pain and want to get it done?
Work's been crazy stressful. I've shut down two production lines and almost missed a delivery of a spares assembly. Just to explain how big a deal that is, I miss a shipment to my end customer, Boeing, of a 787 assembly, they miss a delivery to their end customer, a major airline. We are talking airplanes over 100 million dollars. I don't like it when vice presidents know my name. And my cell phone number. I'm not crazy about working Saturdays, but I've been doing it.
Nate moved home. He's been a lot of help. He takes Whitney to work and picks her up. After two years on his own, the boy does laundry and dishes...
But he has some things we have to clean up from his time in Lawrence. Stressful. Upsetting. And we are working through it, but I've lost some sleep over it.
Another one of my kids has made some life decisions that have put her in a really bad spot right now. And she continues to make bad decisions and makes no effort to change the course of her life. Spiraling further down.
Another one is living a questionable life style.
Another one just scares me to death right now. Moving out of state, to a place I'd rather her not live, to a job she has no business doing and I can't do anything.
I say I can't do anything, but I pray. For everyone of these situations. Because that's all I got. (Well, except the knee, I've got insurance and a surgeon, lol, but I don't discount God's goodness in the wisdom of doctor's, techology of the medical field and blessing of insurance).
In addition, I can't run very well with the bad knee which is one of my greatest stress relievers.
BUT...I've lived through worse and I know that life cycles. High's and lows, valleys and mountains, and this too, shall pass.
On a good note, I have a very understanding boss who has had multiple knee surgeries himself and already told me I'd want to take a week off with it. Steve can take off to go with me and take me to my first physical therapy appointment and he's no stranger to knee surgery either so I got him to help me through.
My kids are young adults and every decision I made as a young adult was not good. I overcame a lot of my bad decision making questionable life choices so maybe they will too.
And we have some fun trips coming up for races and just for fun over the next year and a half and I'll not have any knee pain.
In the words of Annie...
"I'll just pick up my chin, and grin, and say The sun'll come out tomorrow so you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may".
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