Who Am I?

It's Mother's Day in an hour. I've been mama (or mom) for almost 22 years. It is the single most important title I've held. And while I will always be mom, I hit a milestone tonight. Whitney graduated from high school. I watched for her on the big screen and when the camera picked up her and Madeline walking in to the arena, my heart stopped. My baby girl, all grown up.

Reality check for me, she is grown up. She has her first semester of college finals next week. She is enrolled in her second semester of college in the fall. She has her first unsupervised trip with a friend next week, to see her favorite singer in Colorado.

Life moves along whether we are ready or not. I am but I'm not. I love the freedom that comes with older kids. I love that my money is able to be spent more how I want to and not how it's dictated to me. But I miss being able to make decisions for my kids. Because I'm much better at it than they are.

I'm surprised to realize that I'm trying to figure out who I am at my age. Everything is changing - again - and while I understand that change is inevitable and it is mostly good, I find myself struggling. I thought I had everything figured out, but apparently I was wrong.

I know you can't stop the growing up process. You can't hold them back, you can't hold on to them. You have to let go and trust that everything you've invested in them, everything they've learned from everyone that has had impact on their lives, and that God will take care of them.

I just don't know how mommy birds can push their babies out of the nest.