As Promised...
I wanted to know the future. I was making contingency plans. What if this happened? If this happens, then I'll need to do this, and I'll want to do this. But if this happens, then I'll have to do this and this, and Oh, God, what am I gonna do? How do I prepare for all this?
I spent a morning doing this. I will never forget the day. The way I felt. Why I felt that way. At lunch time I picked up my Bible. And because God had been speaking to me so clearly, I avoided where I had been reading and went somewhere else. I went to a book I can't remember reading very often, James.
And read these words in James 1:1-8
1 From James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ. To all of God's people who are scattered everywhere in the world: Greetings. 2 My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, 3 because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. 4 Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. 5 But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous and enjoys giving to all people, so he will give you wisdom. 6 But when you ask God, you must believe and not doubt. Anyone who doubts is like a wave in the sea, blown up and down by the wind. 7 8 Such doubters are thinking two different things at the same time, and they cannot decide about anything they do. They should not think they will receive anything from the Lord.
Yep, no contingency plans. I believe.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Training Update
I used to do these on Sundays, but I'm living on the wild side now. I'm going to give you an extra one, catch up on where I'm at.
On January 24 I started working out with Freddrick the ___________ (ever play Mad Gabs? I could insert any number of adjectives here.) Nine weeks. Two races, one was a marathon, so that's lots of running. Those who know me well, know that I don't usually say things like this. But a lot has changed, and guess what? I think I'm pretty freakin amazing right now. I am planning to run a second marathon this year, and have decided to run it either April 23 or May 1. Because I CAN! Remember that from when I first started blogging? All five of you? My readership has gone up 500% in the last month. We all love to drive by the accident and stare, don't we? I CAN do all things through Christ because he gives me strength. Well it's more true now than ever. So back to Freddrick. He kicks my butt. Ten minutes in and I'm sweating like a hooker in church.
A couple weeks ago I told him I wasn't getting strong fast enough. And he has kicked it up a bit. So imagine my surprise when we get the bosu out the other night for push ups, first time we've done push ups, and instead of doing knee push ups, I thought I'd try the real ones. MANLY ONES. Holding on to the bosu which required additional balance. And I did both sets of 12 like a man. I'd do the tool time grunt, but I'm not quite that manly. We also did a couple sets of an exercise where you jump and land on the step. It was above my knees the first time, and we did the first set of 18 and when I landed number 18 from a flat foot jump, I was thrilled. Then he raised it two risers. After my initial fear that I was going to miss and bite it right there in the big gym in front of all the guys, I gave it my best effort. And when I landed number 18, I thought I owned the world.
I feel strong. I feel healthy. I feel like I CAN do anything. I am working to get stronger, but I'm continually reminded that Christ gives me my strength. And he's strong. So I'm going to keep tapping into that power source, because what kind of a fool would I be to have that available and not plug in?
On January 24 I started working out with Freddrick the ___________ (ever play Mad Gabs? I could insert any number of adjectives here.) Nine weeks. Two races, one was a marathon, so that's lots of running. Those who know me well, know that I don't usually say things like this. But a lot has changed, and guess what? I think I'm pretty freakin amazing right now. I am planning to run a second marathon this year, and have decided to run it either April 23 or May 1. Because I CAN! Remember that from when I first started blogging? All five of you? My readership has gone up 500% in the last month. We all love to drive by the accident and stare, don't we? I CAN do all things through Christ because he gives me strength. Well it's more true now than ever. So back to Freddrick. He kicks my butt. Ten minutes in and I'm sweating like a hooker in church.
A couple weeks ago I told him I wasn't getting strong fast enough. And he has kicked it up a bit. So imagine my surprise when we get the bosu out the other night for push ups, first time we've done push ups, and instead of doing knee push ups, I thought I'd try the real ones. MANLY ONES. Holding on to the bosu which required additional balance. And I did both sets of 12 like a man. I'd do the tool time grunt, but I'm not quite that manly. We also did a couple sets of an exercise where you jump and land on the step. It was above my knees the first time, and we did the first set of 18 and when I landed number 18 from a flat foot jump, I was thrilled. Then he raised it two risers. After my initial fear that I was going to miss and bite it right there in the big gym in front of all the guys, I gave it my best effort. And when I landed number 18, I thought I owned the world.
I feel strong. I feel healthy. I feel like I CAN do anything. I am working to get stronger, but I'm continually reminded that Christ gives me my strength. And he's strong. So I'm going to keep tapping into that power source, because what kind of a fool would I be to have that available and not plug in?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Psalms 69
I don’t usually just pick my Bible up and let it fall open and read where I land. I generally have an idea where I’m going. Last night I went to Psalms. I love to read the Psalms. I had this one dog eared, which means it’s one of my favorites (however, I have almost as many pages dog eared now as not.) I read it a couple times. This is a long passage, but I’m going to share the whole thing below. Verse 30 tells me what David did (and since he wrote this Psalm for me I thought I should too). This morning I get in the car thinking “I will praise God in a song”. And Christian radio sucks. So I hit the CD player and there are two CD’s. Joel Engle and WOW! Worship 2011. I only know one song off WOW! Worship, so I choose it. It doesn’t really seem like the right song for the situation, not one I would have selected from my IPOD, but it’s the only one I know and I feel to praise God in song, I need to sing. Chris Tomlin’s I Will Rise
There’s a peace I’ve come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there’s an anchor for my soul, I can sing It is well,
Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed, Victory is won, he is risen from the dead
And I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow no more pain
I will rise on Eagles wings before my God fall on my knees and rise, I will rise
I won’t share why the words of this were so perfect for the dark twisted place I was yesterday. But once again, God provided exactly what I needed. Then I took time to “honor him by giving thanks” and I realized how much I have to be thankful for.
Psalms 69
1 God, save me, because the water has risen to my neck. 2 I'm sinking down into the mud, and there is nothing to stand on. I am in deep water, and the flood covers me. 3 I am tired from calling for help; my throat is sore. My eyes are tired from waiting for God to help me. 4 There are more people who hate me for no reason than hairs on my head; powerful enemies want to destroy me for no reason. They make me pay back what I did not steal. 5 God, you know what I have done wrong; I cannot hide my guilt from you. 6 Lord God All-Powerful, do not let those who hope in you be ashamed because of me. God of Israel, do not let your worshipers be disgraced because of me. 7 For you, I carry this shame, and my face is covered with disgrace. 8 I am like a stranger to my closest relatives and a foreigner to my mother's children. 9 My strong love for your Temple completely controls me. When people insult you, it hurts me. 10 When I cry and go without food, they make fun of me. 11 When I wear clothes of sadness, they joke about me. 12 They make fun of me in public places, and the drunkards make up songs about me. 13 But I pray to you, Lord, for favor. God, because of your great love, answer me. You are truly able to save. 14 Pull me from the mud, and do not let me sink. Save me from those who hate me and from the deep water. 15 Do not let the flood drown me or the deep water swallow me or the grave close its mouth over me. 16 Lord, answer me because your love is so good. Because of your great kindness, turn to me. 17 Do not hide from me, your servant. I am in trouble. Hurry to help me! 18 Come near and save me; rescue me from my enemies. 19 You see my shame and disgrace. You know all my enemies and what they have said. 20 Insults have broken my heart and left me weak. I looked for sympathy, but there was none; I found no one to comfort me. 21 They put poison in my food and gave me vinegar to drink. 22 Let their own feasts cause their ruin; let their feasts trap them and pay them back. 23 Let their eyes be closed so they cannot see and their backs be forever weak from troubles. 24 Pour your anger out on them; let your anger catch up with them. 25 May their place be empty; leave no one to live in their tents. 26 They chase after those you have hurt, and they talk about the pain of those you have wounded. 27 Charge them with crime after crime, and do not let them have anything good. 28 Wipe their names from the book of life, and do not list them with those who do what is right. 29 I am sad and hurting. God, save me and protect me. 30 I will praise God in a song and will honor him by giving thanks. 31 That will please the Lord more than offering him cattle, more than sacrificing a bull with horns and hoofs. 32 Poor people will see this and be glad. Be encouraged, you who worship God. 33 The Lord listens to those in need and does not look down on captives. 34 Heaven and earth should praise him, the seas and everything in them. 35 God will save Jerusalem and rebuild the cities of Judah. Then people will live there and own the land. 36 The descendants of his servants will inherit that land, and those who love him will live there.
There’s a peace I’ve come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there’s an anchor for my soul, I can sing It is well,
Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed, Victory is won, he is risen from the dead
And I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow no more pain
I will rise on Eagles wings before my God fall on my knees and rise, I will rise
I won’t share why the words of this were so perfect for the dark twisted place I was yesterday. But once again, God provided exactly what I needed. Then I took time to “honor him by giving thanks” and I realized how much I have to be thankful for.
Psalms 69
1 God, save me, because the water has risen to my neck. 2 I'm sinking down into the mud, and there is nothing to stand on. I am in deep water, and the flood covers me. 3 I am tired from calling for help; my throat is sore. My eyes are tired from waiting for God to help me. 4 There are more people who hate me for no reason than hairs on my head; powerful enemies want to destroy me for no reason. They make me pay back what I did not steal. 5 God, you know what I have done wrong; I cannot hide my guilt from you. 6 Lord God All-Powerful, do not let those who hope in you be ashamed because of me. God of Israel, do not let your worshipers be disgraced because of me. 7 For you, I carry this shame, and my face is covered with disgrace. 8 I am like a stranger to my closest relatives and a foreigner to my mother's children. 9 My strong love for your Temple completely controls me. When people insult you, it hurts me. 10 When I cry and go without food, they make fun of me. 11 When I wear clothes of sadness, they joke about me. 12 They make fun of me in public places, and the drunkards make up songs about me. 13 But I pray to you, Lord, for favor. God, because of your great love, answer me. You are truly able to save. 14 Pull me from the mud, and do not let me sink. Save me from those who hate me and from the deep water. 15 Do not let the flood drown me or the deep water swallow me or the grave close its mouth over me. 16 Lord, answer me because your love is so good. Because of your great kindness, turn to me. 17 Do not hide from me, your servant. I am in trouble. Hurry to help me! 18 Come near and save me; rescue me from my enemies. 19 You see my shame and disgrace. You know all my enemies and what they have said. 20 Insults have broken my heart and left me weak. I looked for sympathy, but there was none; I found no one to comfort me. 21 They put poison in my food and gave me vinegar to drink. 22 Let their own feasts cause their ruin; let their feasts trap them and pay them back. 23 Let their eyes be closed so they cannot see and their backs be forever weak from troubles. 24 Pour your anger out on them; let your anger catch up with them. 25 May their place be empty; leave no one to live in their tents. 26 They chase after those you have hurt, and they talk about the pain of those you have wounded. 27 Charge them with crime after crime, and do not let them have anything good. 28 Wipe their names from the book of life, and do not list them with those who do what is right. 29 I am sad and hurting. God, save me and protect me. 30 I will praise God in a song and will honor him by giving thanks. 31 That will please the Lord more than offering him cattle, more than sacrificing a bull with horns and hoofs. 32 Poor people will see this and be glad. Be encouraged, you who worship God. 33 The Lord listens to those in need and does not look down on captives. 34 Heaven and earth should praise him, the seas and everything in them. 35 God will save Jerusalem and rebuild the cities of Judah. Then people will live there and own the land. 36 The descendants of his servants will inherit that land, and those who love him will live there.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Playlist
I have a new playlist. It's all secular. Almost angry music. Hard, driving beat. I turn up my earphones and dance. Around the living room, kitchen, at my desk, in the car. Stomping, fist pumping, just in general pounding out frustration. These lyrics, while some are dark and a little angry, make me feel better. Here are some of them. Please don't be scared, I really am okay.
"Just know I'm here, whenever you need me, I'll wait for you. Come back to me. I can't get close if you're not there, I can't get inside if there's no soul there, I can't face you, I can't save you, it's something you'll have to do. When you find you, come back to me."
"Say what you want but you’re not gonna win this time, Take what you want but just leave me alive"
"I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces, But my heart is broken."
"do you ever feel so paper thin, like a house of cards one blow from caving in".
There is something cathartic in stomping your feet, pounding your fist, shaking your booty, just letting it all go. I love Christian music, but right now it's hard for me to listen to for reasons I don't want to share. On the other side of that, I don't read anything but my Bible. I've had lots of books recommended, but I don't want them. I am happiest with my Bible. So this is my "guilty pleasure" except I don't feel guilty.
The dancing like a fool made me question myself, when did I stop having fun? When did I start worrying that someone might laugh at me? Mock my choice of music? When did I lose myself to what everyone else expects of me?
"Just know I'm here, whenever you need me, I'll wait for you. Come back to me. I can't get close if you're not there, I can't get inside if there's no soul there, I can't face you, I can't save you, it's something you'll have to do. When you find you, come back to me."
"Say what you want but you’re not gonna win this time, Take what you want but just leave me alive"
"I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces, But my heart is broken."
"do you ever feel so paper thin, like a house of cards one blow from caving in".
There is something cathartic in stomping your feet, pounding your fist, shaking your booty, just letting it all go. I love Christian music, but right now it's hard for me to listen to for reasons I don't want to share. On the other side of that, I don't read anything but my Bible. I've had lots of books recommended, but I don't want them. I am happiest with my Bible. So this is my "guilty pleasure" except I don't feel guilty.
The dancing like a fool made me question myself, when did I stop having fun? When did I start worrying that someone might laugh at me? Mock my choice of music? When did I lose myself to what everyone else expects of me?
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