Carry your cross

Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

This verse sounds like you are in for a rough time if you want to be a disciple of Jesus.

from the "Son of God" movie

This doesn't look like something I want to do.

Steve and I went and saw this movie. We had watched "The Bible" series on the History channel when showed it as a mini-series and I loved it. Forget tearing it apart for "scripturally accurate", or dissecting it for theological accuracy. It's like throwing the baby out with the bath water. It was a wonderful experience to watch as a movie.

When I watched the movie one of the things that struck me that I hadn't noticed before is the verse above says take up your cross.

When Jesus couldn't carry his cross anymore, even the callous roman soldiers had someone help him. If they could make sure Jesus was helped when he need it, I want to believe that when my cross gets to heavy to carry that Jesus is right there to help me.

Makes the idea of taking up my cross and carrying and following a little easier in the rough times.

Honestly...

This is a hard time of year for me. The month of March. Specifically this week.

I try not "celebrate" or honor bad memories and times of my life.

I've spent the last year or so redeeming - this is the word I choose to use - my bad memories, going to the places that were triggers of harder times and making new good memories. (I can't fix Applebee's though. Bad night there, but the food is so awful I just can't make a good memory,lol).

This fall I'm redeeming one that really isn't bad, per se, but is not as great as it should have been. Steve is going to run the Niagara Falls International Marathon with me the end of October. I'm very excited, runs from the Canadian side of the Falls to the New York side. I guess I should get us registered here pretty quick. We are going to be in Buffalo, New York for 5 days and then go to Boston for 4 days. We get to see some dear friends while we're there, I want another trip to the museum, the harbor and the shopping district we went to. (I'm a touch disappointed that my friends Phil and Wendi just moved back to Texas because I was going to meet them for dinner one night as well).

Having said all that, it's still hard sometimes. It's better the longer time goes on, and the more triggers I take care of, the more bad memories I wipe out with good memories, the better it is.

I'm not comparing my difficulty to this, but the other day I saw a facebook post of a woman who said that ten years ago today she had miscarried and her baby was in Heaven and they still missed her. It just reinforced that some things leave a mark deep enough that you don't forget. You remember. But how you remember, how you choose to deal with the memories, how you choose to move forward, while not technically "moving on" is up to you.

I find myself praying in more situations that God doesn't fix the problem, that he gives me the strength to do what I should. To make the right decision. To do to the best of my ability what I can and then ask God to help me to leave the rest in God's hand, secure in the knowledge that he does have my best interest at heart. That might be pain, but if I allow him to use it for good, he will be.

More

The older I get, the less I know

The more I follow Jesus, the more I realize I miss the mark

The more I love, the more I see where my heart is hard

The more I give, the more I see need

I feel my eyes are opened so much more now than they ever have been. I never thought I was selfish or self absorbed, but I made increasingly aware that I have missed so much around me.

It's time to approach life with eyes wide open and look for opportunities to follow Jesus more, love more, give more.

All things considered...

You know how when you have a bad day you should stop and count your blessings? I've not been able to do that.

I counted the people that their driving ticked me off on the way home (really, who cuts in line at the drive thru? and major pet peeve, speed up to get in front of me to slow down and turn).

Today I swiped my debit card in the cafeteria and it was declined. Forget the embarrassment that comes with that, I was ticked. I went to the ATM and it also declined me. I checked my balance just to see what was going on, but as I thought, I had plenty of money. Figuring it was the computer on my way to work out I swiped it for gas. DECLINED! Now I'm really upset, call the bank, that whole Target thing? I had used my debit card there. I had either not seen, not received, or ignored the letter from the bank that said my card would be canceled (they don't email or text from my bank, what century is this???). I walk into work out, look at Marquis and say "I hate people". To be clear, the people who stole the numbers from Target and made my life difficult.

PEOPLE!!! If it ain't yours, don't take it! Money, identity, debit card numbers, husbands, ice cream sandwiches (yep, leave my skinny cows alone).

I have a bad supplier that is blaming all their shortages and missed shipments on me. Seriously? With this computer age, you think I can't pull the data that shows I'm right? But I'm getting tired of defending myself to my new boss.

I have a meeting every day that's a quarter mile walk. It's a further walk than that to my car. The scooter was gone, I ended up in knee deep snow to avoid a truck and forklift that were passing each other. I was wearing my boots, but was wearing them with a skirt.

One of my kids cost me $498.17 this weekend.

This weather makes my skin dry and itchy.

Maybe tomorrow I'll count my blessings. I can at least count to one, right?

All things considered...today was not the best day. But as I sit here at home with Steve in the recliner next to me and the dog under my feet and chili burritos in my belly, I guess I did find something good.