Doubt

Two weeks ago when I was in Lawrence I told Nate that I knew God was going to answer my prayers for him in a big way. I knew that it was going to happen soon. (Nothing like putting God on the spot, is there?) Nate told me he was praying too. Which really touched me. So I'm rolling through the days praying continually, which I do. My very specific prayer for one of my girls was answered, and we thanked God and kept praying for the others. A very specific prayer for another of my girls was answered. Praised God and kept praying for the other two. Thursday morning (12 days after my speaking for God) Nate called. He is sick. What can he take. I get symptoms and Dr. Mom prescribes. He doesn't have anything other than tylenol, doesn't think he can make it to Dillons, two blocks away. But Sam will go when he gets home. I spend the day at my desk fighting tears and losing.

I wanted to get in the car and drive to Lawrence. But a day of vacation, two tanks of gas, I'd be worn out, and it's not necessary. And that afternoon, I doubt God. I am afraid that he is going to let me down, and on top of that, not show up and let Nate know that he does take care of him. I'm not only doubting, if I'm honest, I'm a little angry. I've had a rough year, I've relied totally on God's strength to get through, but for one day I doubted why I was even on this earth. All it took was pain in my child. (Not going to go into how I'm God's child and how he feels when I hurt, I get it.)

I get up Friday, it's a new day, and do the things I do. On my way home from work Nate calls. I don't usually answer the phone when I'm driving, but it was Nate, he had been sick, I was worried. He called to tell me that GOD HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYER. Okay, he called and told me what happened, but it was an answer to my prayer. After talking to Nate, I thanked God, tears streaming down my face. (Another danger while driving).

Fast forward two days. Mike is talking about doubting Thomas.

John 20:24-28

One of the eleven disciples was missing. This was a man named Thomas.

After Jesus was gone, Thomas came back to the room where everyone was hiding. When he entered, the disciples told him, “Thomas, oh Thomas, it is true! We’ve seen Jesus! He’s alive! “He said to them, “No. I won’t believe it unless I see the nail marks in His hands. I have to put my finger where the nails were. If I can put my hand into His side, then I’ll believe you.”

Eight days later, Jesus visited the disciples again. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus walked right through the locked doors. “Peace be with you,” He said. Then He said, “Thomas, come here with your finger and see My hands. Touch the wounds in My hand. Put your hand into My side. Stop doubting now and believe.”

Thomas felt very ashamed for not believing. He hung his head, “My Lord and my God!”

How many times does God have to prove himself to me before I stop doubting? I have metaphorically put my fingers where the nails were so many times (just this year!) and yet I still get disappointed by God. I was so thankful for the answered prayer, but it wasn't till Sunday morning I was convicted about my 24 hours on Thursday.

For those of you who have been praying for my kids since this post three of the four specific requests have been answered. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

In My Corner

I made two kinds of cupcakes for my two oldest daughters birthday party.

I ate too many cupcakes.

I ran 8 miles.

I went to two ab classes.

I've been freaked out by all the scary movies that are on TV and Whitney's love for them.

I made Oreo Truffles to send to Nate. I wont' be having dessert till Thanksgiving now.

Steve registered to run the Ozark Trail 100. Four weeks after the Heartland 100. I'm excited for him.

I went to a Halloween party.

Steve was hilarious.

I dressed up like the 80's to lead worship Sunday morning. This misses the full effect of the blue eyeshadow and leg warmers. It also doesn't show that I'm giving my best rendition of Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time".

Steve dressed up like the 80's (Run DMC tee shirt) and not sure what he was singing here, but he did an awesome rendition of Warrant's power ballad "Heaven". (We also did some great worship music, it's a series called "My Generation" and we've done 60's, 70's and 80's. Lots of fun, lots of great sermons. Tomorrow I'm going to share how today's message really touched me).

Conversations with Whitney

Some of these are repeats, but these faces made me laugh as I was printing them for the scrapbook party.

Tummy Tuck Week 6

I am released to exercise and run. I couldn't wait, so I have already been to an ab class and ran two miles. The ab class was fun, I was very careful, my tummy is still really tight, so I didn't do any ball or bosu work. Also limited on push ups and used very light weights. I felt ab muscles working and actual soreness the next two days so the doctor got them fixed.

I was nervous about running and had decided on two miles on the treadmill so I could be done by pushing stop if I couldn't do it. I took my time, I started out slow and as I was speeding up, Austin (my former trainer and a runner of the Steve 50) came over and talked to me. So I slowed down to a walk and talked, (he's getting married in 2 weeks) and the first mile wasn't painful at 14:26 pace.
The second mile I ran.

I felt good, so I continued to speed up and finished at a little under 8 minute mile pace which felt comfortable. I was stiff and sore the next day, but mostly in my legs and that was because I hadn't run a single step for 6 weeks.

A few added benefits, my tummy felt great while I ran. Much less of it out front was awesome. And my pants stayed around my middle the way they were meant too. I didn't have to adjust my clothes while running.

This picture is from four weeks. Same jeans, a lot looser, but still a lot of swelling. The imprint on my tummy is from the binder I wore for six weeks. Still experiencing a lot of swelling, especially at the end of the day.