Keep it to yourself

I have listened for two days to a gentleman at work talk about his daughter’s basketball team. Kansas sports do not allow for more than 3 or 4 kids that played together on the same school team to be on the same club team. So he has 4 girls that played together in school last year and he will have to cut one of them. He said they will probably draw straws because he doesn’t want to hurt their self-esteem. What? Seriously? Your child’s self esteem is tied to whether they make the club basketball team or not?
In the last two years my kids have all tried out (and not made) sports teams or auditioned for parts in musicals and all-city/all-state choirs (that they didn’t get). It didn’t destroy them. It made them work harder. I don’t believe our self esteem should be tied to whether or not we are good enough for the team. When we do this, we allow someone else to tell us whether or not to feel good about ourselves. Being the best doesn’t last forever. Michael Jordan set a new standard in basketball many years ago. But now, there are lots of players that play as well as he did. When you raise the bar, set a new standard, someone will come along and beat it.
I believe our self esteem should be tied to who we are in Christ. God tells us in Jeremiah 1:5 that “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” In Genesis 1:27 we read “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”. How can I think God made a mistake when he created me? How can I think if I’m made in his image that I don’t measure up? Unfortunately, I do have self-esteem issues. What women in this day and age wouldn’t? When I think of the things that have been said to my face, I can only imagine what people really think about me. I’ve been told (by women at church, no less) that I’m a bad mother, bad step-mother, bad wife, and twice, in two different pair of shoes, that they didn’t like my shoes. I have never told anyone I didn’t like their shoes. I may not, but I respect their individuality and admire the fact that God made us all different, so the idea they don’t appeal to me is not a negative mark, it’s a mark of individuality (and poor taste?) Couldn’t resist. These comments make the fur on the back of my neck stand up, well, anyway the ones about the shoes. The others, they hurt. What mom/wife doesn’t worry that she’s not good enough? That she doesn’t do enough for her kids? That she doesn’t meet her husbands needs? Am I alone here? I ask these questions often. When someone else voices these things, it is devastating, even if the person is immature or it’s said in a flip, off hand sort of way.
And don’t even get me started on body image. I have discovered though, that because I really want to look good, I exercise and eat right. This has already kept me from genetic health problems I would most likely have; diabetes, cholesterol, osteoporosis, etc.
I know that God has ordained every step of my life. So the quirky things that I love to do, and the weird interests I have, they work for my good. And while I have not followed the perfect roadmap for life, it’s definitely not the path I should have chosen, when I am willing to continually to confess and repent and try again, God has amazed me with what he can do. I see this in other areas of my life also, when I look at my kids and my husband, I think God is pretty smart. He gave me kids that complement my natural parenting style. I’m not a nurturer. I’m a “suck it up and work harder” mom. If you know my kids for 5 minutes, you’ll see that it works. I enjoy their cracked sense of humor. I love to watch them do anything they like to do, even eat. Good thing, because they eat a lot.
My husband and I enjoy a lot of the same activities, but we are polar opposites in many ways. The areas we are opposite actually complement each other. We make each other better and stronger with our differences.
When I look in the mirror, I like what I see most days. When I open God’s Word and put that mirror up to my interior self, I see a work in progress. I see my failings, and my self esteem dips. But I also have figured out that this is a tool Satan uses on me, because he knows it works. I will fight to believe I am who God says I am, and that I am loved and forgiven. So please, if you are reading this, I am always open to loving, constructive advice. I am willing to hear from people who love me and want me to be better how I can do that. But in general always be kind to me, otherwise, I may think you are a tool of Satan. And if you don’t like my shoes? Keep it to yourself.