What is that smell?

For the last couple of weeks I have been asking God a lot of questions. Some legit questions, some just whining. Why me? Why not me? Why does this happen? Why doesn’t this happen? How come? You get the idea. Today was especially rough. I have lots of opportunity in my life to be the bigger person and to do the right thing. To really honor God and be a blessing to people in my life. I just don’t always want to. See, I don’t think life is fair. I know mine never has been. And I’m okay with it most of the time. Periodically though stuff piles up. Notice I said piles up. This really is the problem. And it’s one of my own making. I don’t deal with stuff when it happens. I let it pile up (like my laundry.) When stuff piles up it becomes harder to deal with. It also gets nastier (like my laundry, when there are wet towels on the bottom or heaven forbid Nate’s gym clothes.) And until you deal with it, it stinks. And it makes everything else stink too. A couple weeks ago my daughter uncolored her hair, she stripped the dye out of it. The chemicals used to do this stunk. REALLY STUNK! The house smelled terrible, even worse than salmon night. I scrubbed the bathroom. Febrezed the shower curtain, her bedroom, took all the trash out, lysoled, I tried everything, short of taking a brillo pad to her hair. A few days later, I could still smell the stuff. IT SMELLED BAD. I was sorting through my pile of laundry, and moved some towels to wash, and one of the towels had this chemical on it. The smell had permeated to all the laundry. Once I washed everything, the smell was gone. Cleaning hadn’t helped. Spraying Febreze didn’t help. Burning candles didn’t help. Making Ashley leave the house didn’t help. I had to search out and find the problem and deal with it.
This is true in my spiritual life, and I know what my problem is. It’s the inside me. It’s a selfish heart. This is not fun to admit. And today, as I wrestle with doing the right thing for someone else, which will be a big deal for them, and several others as well, and mean a lot to many many people including my husband, but will make me uncomfortable, and will hurt me some and cost me more personally than I am really willing to spend, AND IT REALLY IS UNFAIR TO ASK OF ME. I would say that God leads me to the right passages on the days I need them, but I believe if I’m reading the Word everyday, the answers are there, in whatever passage I am in. It’s God’s Word. I will always find Him there. I read Habbakuk. Yep, God even speaks through the minor prophets. Habakkuk asked hard questions of God. In Habbakuk 1:2 he asked “how long Lord must I cry for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you; Violence, buy you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?” Here I have to say that I am very glad he tolerates wrong, because, that means he tolerates me in my rebellion. Then in 1:13…”why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves?” Do you ever feel like you are getting swallowed by the wicked? Not a fun concept to think about. Habakkuk asked hard questions. As I read the book (twice) I don’t find that God really gave Habakkuk a direct answer to his question, the closest thing I could find is in God’s reply when he said in 2:4 “but the righteous will live by his faith”. Also 2:20 says “But the Lord is in his holy temple, let all the earth be silent before him.” At this point in my life, my faith has to carry me. There may be nothing else. The Lord is in his holy temple. Nothing additional needs to be added to this. He is where he always is. The last few verses of Habbakuk 3:17-19 are very moving to me. Somewhere between Habakkuk’s questions in the first chapter and these four verses Habakkuk gets it. I don’t know if he managed to get some stuff in the rest of the book that escaped me, or if God spoke to him and it’s not recorded, or if he realized (like me) he’s not going to get an answer. God really doesn’t owe me an answer for what he does in my life. I know my life needs work, and life is not fair, you just move forward with your faith in an unshakeable God. You move forward knowing he is in his holy temple, and knowing that if you know God, you don’t need the answers, you just need God. 3:17-19 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights”.
No matter how I feel about things in my life, I CAN choose to rejoice in the Lord, I CAN be joyful in God my Savior.