in south dakota I fell climbing up the mountain. big gash in my leg pouring blood and a bruise that went knee to ankle and the whole outside of my leg. steve was in front of me and since i didn’t yell, he had kept climbing. when we were on our way down he noticed it and checked to make sure i was okay. but he didn’t see me fall, and had i been wearing long pants, i could’ve hid it, at least for the day.
sunday when i ran with sheila i fell. that’s an understatement. a friend of mine, lori, was at the corner at 13 miles. i was walking a few steps with sheila, getting ready to turn the corner and bring it home, looking good for the finish line. lori yelled she wanted me running cause she wanted to take a picture. so thinking i’m feeling pretty good, i take off. and as i go into my happy I’m finishing big smile for pictures i overdo the hopping and skipping and stub my toe and it’s downhill and i can’t right myself and i wend down hard. HARD. skidded on my hands, elbow, knee, hip and then rolled over and sat up. lori runs to me, helps me up, sheila is there worried about me, lori goes on ahead and gets this picture.
i’m laughing at myself, while taking mental inventory of everything that hurts, hurts bad enough i’m not even embarrassed yet, even though i did note all 100+ observers of my humiliation watch me get up and sprint toward the finish. (the sprint was mostly because i could not wait to put this experience and everyone who witnessed it behind me.) i’m actually bruised worse than i am bleeding. but we finish. and the right side of my body is banged up. i was so close to the finish line.
i can’t help but compare this to my spiritual walk and the metaphorical “falling into sin”. when i wipe out into the pit of sin even if no one witnesses it doesn’t change the fact that i did it and there is blood and bruised, hurts and wounds and repercussions to deal with. even if there is no visible sign it still happened. but I can cover it up. make it right with god, and no one ever has to know. i have sin like this. it’s between me and god, and i’m glad everyone doesn’t see it.
there are also those sins that everyone witnesses your colossal wipeout; face first, skidding on your hands and knees, running shoes over elbows trying to right yourself but knowing as you go down in front of everyone that there is no hiding it. even jumping up and moving on, you know you can’t yell “i’m okay” and have anyone believe you.
along with the pain of falling is the humiliation of being seen and everyone knows. i have noticed how people reacted to my wipe out.
lori ran to pick me up.
and then ran ahead and took this picture.
sheila was behind me and ran to pick me up and has checked on me 3 times since then to see if i’m okay.
some people looked away
some laughed
some clapped when I got up
some have shared their own falling down stories with me (there's been a lot of these)
this parallels how people have acted toward me in times of spiritual falling
some ran to pick me up and checked on me, regularly
some looked away
some knocked me back down
some threw salt in the open wounds
some laughed and mocked
some have cheered and clapped and urged me on
falling down/getting knocked down in life is inevitable. getting back up is a necessity. i can do that. i can also pick up others who have fallen as i definitely know what it’s like to fall and fall hard.
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