Advice

I think my perfect job would be as a researcher. I love to dig for information. I love to read. Digging through the library or the web for information is like a treasure hunt for me. I love to read all the information I can find about a subject and then decide what part of it I can use and what I don’t need to use. I did (still do) this with running; training plans, methods, tips, running the races, I looked at the course maps and elevation and where the aid stops and bathroom stops are. After I read and looked at all this information, I was able to plan better and feel better about what I was attempting. I google everything. The biggest challenge is knowing what to believe. I look for people who have done what I want to do and listen to them.
So imagine my surprise this week (with myself) when I realized I wasn’t utilizing this same trait in one of the most important areas of my life. (You guys are probably tired of hearing how great my husband is, but he really is great). He said that “we” would do something this week. The actual translation was, “Patsy will spend 12-14 hours this week making this happen, without letting this affect the myriad of other duties she completes every week because she is the most amazing woman on the planet and she can do anything. I will live my normal life and show up for this event.” So our “we” was an actual commitment for “me”.
Through the course of discussion with a friend, not complaining or whining or anything like that, we were actually talking about Weight Watchers because she attends also. (Unlike me, she has having great results, I run the 6 miles to my meetings, in the dark and I’m still seeing very slow progress). Somehow I commented that this event would be hard for me as I’m making the dinner and dessert. I was told I should fix what I want, not what my husband volunteered me for. I was talking to another lady about a situation and she asked how we would handle it. I said “at our house that wouldn’t even be a question. Steve would do X and I would do Y and that would be that.” I got the whole lecture of what do you do for you and that’s not right and make sure you take time for yourself and (normally here I would say “yada yada yada”, but after Mark told us what that means in the Love Songs sermon series) blah blah blah. In another totally unrelated conversation I got the “I wouldn’t do that”, and I began to wonder what I have done or said to give the impression that Steve walks all over me.
These three women planted little seeds in a fertile heart and they grew. One day in particular I had a busy day. Not my fault, someone else decided my schedule. So I had asked for help, but no one had time to help me. Then “no one” who couldn’t help me run my errands because his day was full left his phone and other necessities for his busy day at home and needed me to bring them to him at work. Add more errands/chores. I was frustrated that not only did I not get help, I had to do more and in a week where I already had too much to do. Self pity is so ugly, thank goodness it only lasted for 15 minutes and I was alone in the car the whole time. On my way from running my errands and dropping off the stuff, I had a revelation (I had a happy meal too, wonder if that helped?) The women who gave me advice, or just offered their opinions, are Christian ladies. I love them, love to talk to them. Do not want my marriage to be anything like theirs. I REPEAT - NOTHING LIKE THEIRS. I want to suck it up on weeks like this and do these things because I know when the shoe is on the other foot I can count on Steve to pick me up. I’m no Pollyanna, (or should I say Patsyanna, because my middle name is Ann) but I do think life is pretty good. I try to live my life doing good things for others, serving and trying to meet needs. Not that I’m naturally a giving person, I work at it. It’s on purpose. Certainly nothing to brag or be proud of, but I try, and I know I could do so much more. I found myself thinking that the Bible says we should “give and it shall be given to you”, and “love others as you love yourself”. But this is not just lived in religious and Christian circles. I know many people who aren’t Christians or religious that are giving people. They give their time and money. They support charities. They raise money. I quoted some scripture above, but even Hollywood did a whole movie about this subject with “Pay it Forward”. Thinking about Hollywood, I saw in the check out line last night where Brad and Angelina are in trouble. Ya think? Tom and Katie are in trouble. SHOCKING ! These people all do great things for charities. Give money. More money than I will make in a lifetime. All have adopted kids from poverty and given them a chance at life. Travel and raise awareness of issues. And yet they miss the concept of serving each other, putting each others needs ahead of their own. Between these two couples they have 9 failed marriages and a couple failed engagements. Not saying it’s a magic formula and will fix all relationship problems, but if I am living to put Steve and his needs and wants first and he is living to put me and my needs and wants first, than we both are treating each other pretty special and it’s hard to be mad at somebody who is putting you ahead of themselves. It becomes easier to do good to them, and then, you become one of “those” couples. You know the ones that still love each other “blissfully after 23 years” and they have 4 kids. (This is a quote taken from one of my favorite bloggers, can you see why she’s a favorite of mine?) You do things to lift each other up.
So I ignored the advice to serve health conscious food and haven’t tried to figure out what I want to do for “me” time. I did exactly what Steve said “we” would do, and I finished the week feeling pretty happy about everything I got done, big smile on my face (that maybe just the dessert.)

Feel free to call me Patsyanna.