Conversations with Whitney

She's doing really well at school. And look how pretty she is (mom brag moment)

and this one...such a well behaved smart dog. This is her chair. The only piece of furniture besides Nate's bed she actually gets on.

Forgiveness

Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

I see countless posters about forgiveness. Quotes about forgiveness. None are as good as what the Scriptures teach us about forgiveness.

I struggle with a few things where forgiveness is concerned. If you've apologized but someone doesn't believe you've forgiven them, it's on them, right? I don't need to contact them and make sure they know they are forgiven? I have one or two people like this in my life. They always say that forgiveness is for the one doing the forgiving.

As I thought about the concept of forgiveness and the verse Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" "Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." I always thought this meant you forgave everything, forever. Infinity, right? I didn't understand at the time forgiving the same person for the same offense almost everyday for going on 3 years now.

It's not 3 years of offenses, it was a single point in time. But some offenses hurt so deep that the challenge to forgive is taking a lot of time and work. And while God forgives and forgets, that is not a human concept, but God one, a super natural one.

When I remember to put these verses together; forgive infinity, because I want my heavenly Father to forgive me, I get it right.

Ohhh yay. (said sarcastically)

Steve had saved a link to buy running shoes to his facebook page.

He picked up my laptop to order them and when he handed it to me it was on his facebook page. I say, "oooo I can snoop".

He says, "no, this is your facebook account". (I stay logged in).

I say, "oh, you can snoop on mine".

He says "oh, yay." No enthusiasm at all.



We share the same password, not the same account, so this isn't surprising, just funny.

18 years

When Steve was running his 50 mile race last weekend I was thinking about the mental toughness it takes to do that. It definitely takes physical strength and training, but without the mental game, you will never be able to finish.

This has served him well in other areas of our life.

There was a time where this mental strength was needed to save our marriage. I hated to think about how hard it was to work on our marriage. To save it. To make it worthwhile. But while that hurt, he chose to do it. He chose me, he chose our marriage, he chose our life together. Truth be told, I had to choose him too.

And here we are, 3 years from that rough time, 18 years into marriage and we are good. That's my word for us. Good. A dear close friend asked me a month ago how Steve and I were doing and I had to think about it, and this is the word I used.

Sometimes I feel like I've been through the war, and maybe, just maybe, I have. But I also feel like I may have won this one.

I went through a time when I wanted a new wedding ring. I didn't talk to Steve about it, or I would have a new wedding ring.

I did say something this week, but now, here is the way I feel about it. In some respects, I have a new, different marriage. But the vows we said, the things we promised, we still hold to them. Were they broken? Yes. But God has fixed us. And a new ring would be a constant reminder of what happened. Every time I saw it, I would know why I have a new one. By keeping my original one, there is the reminder of the original vows and that included "For better or worse".

This ring came with speaking these words, and we have seen worse, definitely. But we've seen better too.

I wouldn't trade my 18 years.

Race weekend

Steve ran a 50 mile race this weekend, Cross Timbers Trail Run at Lake Texoma on the Texas/Oklahoma border.

He did great. A friend that was with us said, "Steve looks like he could run this again". And he could've. That's the nice thing about running a race half the distance you are used to running. It was easier on me, and we got home late Saturday night which was really nice to wake up in my bed and go to church.

So you will know there is a God

There is a verse in 1 Samuel, 17:46, that has one phrase that I love and take out of context, but I think when I explain this, you'll think I'm okay. "So they will know that there is a God in Israel". I like to pray this. Sure, it's for stuff that helps me out, usually, but I'm always careful to tell people that there is a God who answers my prayers when I pray this.

I had 4 very large airplane parts get delivered to our warehouse, had the paperwork, proof of delivery, but they were never received in. I had everyone looking for them. They've been missing since January 30. I was told yesterday to just issue them out as lost and pay for them. That's not my biggest issue, then I'm shorting the shop for the next 3 months till we can catch back up. This will not be pleasant for me.

I head over to the shop today for a meeting, (for a frame of reference, it's a half mile walk to the shop) listening to my new favorite song, "You Won't Let Go" Michael W. Smith and these lyrics "no raging storm can ever defy one word of faith". And like God always has done to me, I know when I pray with faith he hears. And I did. I prayed that God would let me find my parts.

I walk the building. Up and down, nooks and crannies. Lots of help from guys on the shop floor. I look for half an hour, no luck. So I head back to my desk and on the way I sing those words to myself again and I pray that I don't have to be the one to find them, but would God make them show up?

I sit down at my desk to the 40 new e-mails (which is about right for 45 minutes) and I get through about 5 of them and one tells me I need to get them new paperwork for my four parts. They found them. After I prayed.

I told everyone who would listen. Even the supplier.

So they will know their is a God, and he is at work, and he cares about whatever his children care about.

Grasshoppers

It doesn't matter how many times I fly. I also want a window seat (two reasons, I like to look out the window, and I don't like letting people climb over me to go to the bathroom). I neglected to pick my seats out at a reasonably ahead of flight time, so while I got a window seat, I sat under the wing and behind the prop of a dash 8, the second to back row of a Canadair 700 and the very back row of a 737.

I sit with my face smashed against the window, embracing my inner 8 year old, and I love it.

On the way home we flew out of LAX over the ocean. Then we flew over mountains. The mountains in California looked black until we got right over top and then I could see snow, but there were a lot of trees. Then over the desert, I could see the sand swirling, and the patterns in it on the ground.

As we broke through the clouds on the descent into Denver I looked down at the mountains. They are beautiful. I always thought I was a beach girl (as much as a Kansas girl can be a beach girl) but when we went to Denver May of 2012 I discovered I love the mountains too. I could see the evergreens on the mountains, see the ski slopes. I didn't see any skiers, but I was enthralled with the beauty of the mountains and the miniature trees.

When I did my Bible study over the weekend I read this verse "He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in". Isaiah 40:22

I was struck by the fact again that Heaven is a literal place. God sits on his throne above the circle of the earth (why was everyone so surprised when Columbus discovered the earth was round? Apparently God told us all those years ago that the earth was a circle) and we are like grasshoppers. Just like I looked down at the mini evergreen trees, God looks downs on us. And he sees us.

I read about Hagar as well over the week I was i California and I always feel touched by her calling God "El Roi, the God who sees me". I've actually talked about this before. Sometimes I feel like I'm the invisible girl. Which would be a pretty cool super power, but I not one I want. I have no problem admitting that I need human love and I need friendship and I need my people.

As I put these two thoughts together it reinforced that God does see me. And he loves me. He speaks to me in ways only I hear, through the view of trees from an airplane. Through the words of a book. Through a Scripture from a Bible study. To give me a message that my sometimes dry thirsty soul needs to receive.

My value of marriage

My marriage has been the single most important relationship to me since the day I got married.

I have fought with Steve, I have fought against Steve, I have fought for Steve.

I have disliked him, distrusted him, and a couple of times not wanted to go home. But even at these times, I loved him intensely. The idea of life without him has never appealed to me. Not once have I not wanted him. Not loved him.

I value my marriage.

I value the institution of marriage.

I value your marriage.

And if I could challenge every young single woman out there (even though I'm fairly sure there aren't many reading) that the importance they put on other women's marriages is important. Flirting with a married man will only make you feel powerful and pretty - until you are married and you think about all the younger, prettier, funner girls than you that might be flirting with your husband.

You see, marriage takes work. Sometimes the excitement, well frankly, just isn't there. When the money is tight, the kids are sick, jobs aren't going well, it can be tough.

I believe every man is responsible for his behavior, please don't misunderstand. But I think every woman who even "innocently" flirts with a married man is opening a door that she shouldn't. She is not only damaging that man, but she is damaging herself. Because you will have to deal with the realization that the Scriptures say in Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

I think we quote this verse as a treat people good because you want to be treated that way. And I 100% agree with that interpretation.

I have always felt that this also means that you treat people how you want to be treated, that includes the bad and ugly. When you don't value someone else's marriage, you are saying it's okay that someone out there isn't going to value mine.

I wish I was this wise 20 years ago.

Wichita vs. LA

Wichita > Steve (my heart) is here
Wichita > I know where every Starbucks is
Wichita > I don't have to look for safe areas of town by Googling "Barnes & Noble" (this works every time).
Wichita > 20 minute commute ANYWHERE
Wichita > it's legal to talk on your cell phone and drive

LA > 70 degree weather every day
LA > Nordstrom's, Macy's, Daisy Shoppe
LA > Beach (even on a drizzly 61 degree afternoon I loved Venice Beach)
LA > Mountains (didn't get to go, but could see them on my many drives around the LA area)
LA > it's illegal to talk on your cell phone and drive

Like Boston, people in LA were fascinated to find out I was from Kansas. It was kind of an oddity. I was also "more fashionable" then they thought I would be. I guess they expected gingham and a bonnet.

I had an exhausting week, visited 4 suppliers multiple times, logged onto my computer at every meal and for a couple hours at the hotel every night. I really should be at work today, but I decided I wouldn't really be productive, I'm so tired. So I went to work out, and I was so tired everything was difficult, but well worth it and then Steve took me to breakfast at IHOP.

YAY FOR BEING HOME

The biggest negative? Not enough time to shop or money to buy everything I wanted. Daisy Shoppe - would've bought one of everything and totally revamped my wardrobe.

Macy's, not one of everything, but...

Love Love Love DSW store.

But mostly? Would've loved to run that path by Venice Beach. Every day.

From 71 degrees to 22 and freezing ice. I love Kansas too.