Who do you listen to?

What voices do you listen to?

Who do you allow to speak into your life?

I have a lot to say. I'm not always right. I'm not always the popular opinion. I'm aware of this.

There are people that I let speak into my life. Wisdom. Love. Instruction.

There are people that nothing they say should have any weight in my life. But I notice that I have heard some voices that said negative, hurtful things, some voices that don't love me, that only brought pain, in fact, their presence in my life was strictly to hurt me, and yet I've allowed their words to take up more of my time than I should. Why would I listen to that?

I wonder if we knew, really knew, how harsh we were, how judgmental we were, how hurtful we were, if we would be different? I'm pretty sure I would be. I try to be kind to everyone, a friend at work is really big on the saying "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle". This strikes a chord with me. And I try.

But then, I revert back to evil Patsy ***insert demonic hysterical laugh here***

It may not actually make it out of my head into words, because I have a better filter than that, but just a "for instance",

(disclaimer - I am ashamed of myself for this, but I feel I need to share to make my point)

I saw someone walking the other day that I haven't seen in a while. And she's gotten fat. And I had gleeful, happy, unkind thoughts about that. And then was ashamed of myself. I struggle with gaining weight easily. I watch what I eat, I exercise like crazy, and I still have to be careful. DNA and genetics and a sweet tooth (and I feed my feelings) all being what they are.

But to get a kick out of someone else's struggle, well that's wrong. I don't want to be like that. I want to be kind and loving. I want my insides to match my outsides and and I want to be better. Just better.

Why is that so hard? In Romans 7:15 Paul says

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I know Paul lived thousands of years before me, but I swear he wrote this about me.

I don't have it all figured out. I'm not what I want to be or who I want to be. I don't do what I want and still do the things I hate. But God willing I'm better today than I was yesterday.