Misadventures in Parenting

I don’t typically get asked to help with concessions at the school on the nights the baseball team is working. Twice this year, and both times at the last minute. The first time I was otherwise engaged, but my parents went and manned the concession stand in freezing rain at the boy’s soccer game. They really support their grandchildren, and they have two that play baseball for Heights, so double duty. The second time was this week. I got a call when I was on my way to the Y and asked if I could help. I was glad to skip my work out and go sell hot dogs and nachos at the school.
I know the lady that called me, know her well enough she has my cell number. But the other two mothers that were in the concession stand were from the girl’s soccer team. When asked who’s mom I was (this question always gets me, Who’s mom are you? Like that is how I’m defined. We all know once our kids get left in the church nursery we cease having our own identity and we are from that point on someone’s mother.) I got the first name, Nate, out of my mouth before I heard, “Oh we just love Nate. He is such a great kid.” My son is well known and loved by mothers of daughters of all ages. He is very much a people person, or so I’m told. These women don’t know him and love him the way I do. As I was hearing this, I was thinking of the 5 words he said to me yesterday. “Is there anything to eat?” That is the complete and total verbal communication I had with him. This may be an exaggeration, but not by much. I probably said more to him, but I’m not sure he responded. I usually tell people that of course Nate has a lot of self confidence. He got his and mine, which he sucked out in utero.
In raising children I have listened to advice from other parents, and if applicable and when it suited me, implement it. The lady that told me to layer my sheets with lap pads or towels when I made the crib so when there were accidents I just pulled the sheet and towel off and I had a whole new fresh bed for the baby. Great idea. To use my clothes to soak up baby vomit or toddler blood. Much easier to launder my clothes or buy a new shirt than it is to clean blood and vomit out of the carpet/couch/bedspread, etc. When we are busy to feed them on paper plates. They will remember the fun we had, not the fact that we didn’t use the Sunday china every day. Or ever.
I did filter advice as to when it was okay to take them off the bottle, start them on solid food or potty train them. Nate ate his first chicken leg at 6 months old. By that time he had 10 teeth and I was scared to take it from him. Tortilla chips at Carlos O’ Kelly’s followed soon after and he has been eating ever since. (A text from his gf’s mom last week made me laugh, she fed him chicken tortilla soup and he loved it. She said, and this is a quote, “I don’t think I have ever found anything Nate won’t eat.” And she has been feeding him for three years now.) I avoid asking for parenting advice on facebook. I don’t let someone else’s philosophy on television watching, time with friends, video games, etc. become my philosophy because all kids are different. I do believe less is best of these things, but it’s a child by child decision. When I have severe issues with my children, there are a few select people I will listen to. But the main criterion is they have to love me enough to say the hard things, and it also helps if they know my children.
I love this quote by Robert Brault by way of Melissa Dinsmore "As parents, we strive to raise kids certain of our love and confident of their next meal, which, let's face it, means giving up a little leverage. ...” I got this one down, I have no leverage.
My idea of successful parenting used to include high school diploma, no pregnancies while you are still in high school, proper respect for your parents and other adults, good work ethic, communicating with parents (letting me know you are out of lunch money before the school calls and says you are -$8.50 in your lunch account. This also translates to letting me know before the day of anything is due, such as graduation supplies, sports fees and physicals, more than two days notice to make a Russian peasant costume for Fiddler on the Roof, I could go on and on). I would also include not more than one wreck and one moving violation each. I have built this list in hindsight, but these are things that I would have thought were fair. Guess what? I am a very unsuccessful parent.
So now I am readjusting.
My idea of successful parenting is raising kids that know their father and I love them and accept them unconditionally, but will still tell them the truth, even when it’s hard and it goes against their behavior.
It is raising kids that know who Jesus is and that he loves them and created them as unique and LOVABLE individuals and that he paid the cost for their sins to secure their eternity. He is the ultimate authority and the one who sets the standard for behavior and morality, and if they have any questions about what that is, it can be found in his book. THE BIBLE.
It is raising kids that grow up to be self sufficient and that MOVE OUT of my house when the proper time comes. And this is long before age 30. Or 25. Or 21??? I’m flexible on the age.
It is raising kids that know how to have successful adult relationships and how to parent when the time comes.
I definitely have taken many missteps parenting. My kids have taken missteps in life, in the short time they have lived. We all continue learning and growing and becoming the people we were meant to be.
Philippians 1:6 says “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”