Get out of the boat

I have bad moments. I have angry moments. Hurt moments. Moments full of shame and even guilt. And I have to get away.
At home, I can put on my running shoes or take the trash out or go to Walmart.
At work, I can hide in the bathroom, but they are multi-stall bathrooms, and quite busy. So this afternoon, I went to the tunnel. It’s a quarter mile underground tunnel that runs the length of our building. I walked it several times. (My boss and co-workers have been outstanding).
While I was walking and praying and crying, I experienced the presence of Jesus again. He’s never left my side. The last sermon I heard Mark preach at Newspring was from his Red Letters series and it was about Peter getting out of the boat. But other than that, I didn’t listen. I knew that night that things were really bad for me. I didn’t know how bad, but I knew. And I sat there in church hopeless, alone, afraid, not even knowing what I was afraid of. So I couldn’t tell you the message. But I’m very familiar with the story. The disciples were in a boat, a storm comes up. Jesus came walking toward them on top of the water, and Peter said, if you are the Lord, ask me to come to you. Jesus says it’s me, come. And Peter steps out and walks toward Jesus. He takes his eyes off and sinks, but Jesus catches him.

In my walk this afternoon, Jesus whispered to my heart “get out of the boat”. For a minute I was trying to figure out where that thought came from, I was taken off guard. But it stayed on my heart and dropped me to my knees right there in the tunnel. Same message as Saturday. Stop doing this yourself. Trust me. And I prayed at that moment that I would never take my eyes off my Jesus again.