My tuna sandwich

I was reading Mark 6, Jesus performed many miracles around this time. I kind of think I need a miracle right now. Whether it's healing or multiplying what I have is irrelevant, with what I read and what I realized in this passage this morning. Jesus knew the crowd was hungry. He knew he didn't have food. So he asked the disciples to go see what the crowd had. They find a boy with 5 loaves of bread and two small fishes. And Jesus fed over 5,000 people that day.
I would give my lunch away for someone else to eat. I would give to anyone I knew needed something. If I could meet the need. But I'm not sure in this case I would have the confidence to see 5000 hungry people and look at my small lunch and believe it could work. Also, people might laugh at me, or worse yet, it might be rejected. (I still worry people won't like my food when I fix it. Keeps me from participating in potlucks. Would rather take something in the grocery store container than be rejected. And this is odd, because I'm a dang good cook.) Sometimes, my faith is in what I can do which admittedly is not much.
With my fundamental (legalistic) upbringing where accepting Christ was a life sentence of "thou shalt nots" there was also a lot of teaching that while it didn't come right out and say it, we got the message that if we didn't do certain things and live a certain way, God wouldn't bless us. This is pretty harsh, because on one side we had a list of rules a mile long we had to live up to. On the other side a list of consequences if we didn't. If God wasn't blessing us, we had sin in our lives. We didn't have to earn salvation, but we had to earn God's approval.
So to a personality that already feels it has to perform to a certain level, that worries about what people think of her, that needs people to like her (not as much anymore, I'm growing up) I thought many times that Jesus just didn't like me very much.
Read on a little further though, and the end of Mark 8 says "If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want." This is just a short part of the verse, but it really moved me. Following Christ is not easy, based solely on this one sentence Jesus spoke on this earth. It's not natural to give up the things we want. For me it's not material things, I like "stuff", but I can live without it, because I don't mind getting by without many things people take for granted. (For instance, I shoveled my walk last storm with a swiffer mop cause I don't have a snow shovel and after it snows like it did? Try and find one to purchase). My family of four shares one computer. I have given up the idea that I will ever have a happy family with all my children together, because 4 of them are grown and we lived through hell for many years because of behavior problems so that time/opportunity is gone.
I have to give up on the idea that to follow Christ and serve him that what I have isn't enough. Because I feel that way. I don't have much to give, the idea that even if I give everything and I'm not talking material, I'm talking "me", it isn't much. But that is saying that God made a mistake in creating me. It's not about what I can do, it's what he can do through me. And I know that to the outside world that I don't look like much. I'm not noticeably talented in anything the world puts value on. But I do know what I'm good at, and I know what God values. And I know what I can do. Where I can serve most effectively. And this comes back to my ONEWORD 2011 - ME! Do what I can do. Then trust God to bless it. I can give my tuna sandwich and let God multiply it. He hasn't short changed me. He's given me exactly what He wants me to have.