I realized that lately I have changed some of my behaviors. And I believe change is good. I always reserve the right to be smarter tomorrow than I am today.
But sometimes…I change in the moment, for reasons I shouldn’t and do things I really would rather not.
Just because your wife couldn’t sleep and got up at 4:30 a.m. and made donuts for you to bring to work doesn’t mean I have to eat one. I do not have to take a donut because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I can just say “no, thank you.” However, I took the donut when pressured, waited till he went back to his desk, wrapped it in a paper towel and put it in the trash.
I changed clothes to wear something I didn’t want to wear out for an evening. I wanted to wear a sweater tunic and leggings but wore jeans and a tee shirt because the group we were meeting usually dressed down. And then she was all dressed up and looked cute and I felt frumpy and mad at myself for not wearing the tunic.
Conformity is an issue for me. Always has been. I’m a non-conformist, I like my own path. I don’t feel the need to be like anyone else. In fact, I don’t like to dress like other people or look like other people or talk like other people. I don’t like it when I see myself copied, and I try not to copy others. This actually is humorous at points in my life.
If Steve and I are dressed alike, one of us has to change. If we are wearing jeans and black shirts, I’ll change my shirt. If we are wearing the same race tee shirt, I will change.
Some friends have phrases they use all the time. One of them lists things. Always says “#1…” Another one uses the term “bottom line” so much she should trademark it. I say neither of these because I would feel like I was stealing from them. And I hate it when people use MY words (cause you know there are words that I OWN, and no one else should use them) or I see my thoughts on someone else’s blog (and I know they read mine, it’s not a coincidence. PLAGIARIST!!!)
Sometime when you are in a group of women, look around. Check out the purses, the shoes, the hair styles. Look at the clothes. Do you look like everyone else? Should you? I never do. But then I would have to show pictures of what I wear on a regular basis for you to totally understand that. At the first volleyball practice/parent meeting in a sea of jeans, sweaters, Uggs and Coach bags, I was wearing Nate’s old sweatpants and a trail marathon tech shirt. In a world of e-readers I was carrying a ten year old water stained broken spine book. I have been looking at tablets, just haven’t picked/purchased one…yet. Any suggestions? And this is just one instance.
I also had the only teenage girl out of 40 who went to practice without long pants over her volleyball spandex in 24 degree temperatures. She’s a non-conformist (idiot?) too. Or is this a parenting fail?
I am who God created. I want to be more like him. That’s my goal. But the things that make me me? My uniqueness and individuality? I need to embrace that. Not try to be like someone else. Just the best me, the very best version of me.
Psalm 139:13-14
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
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