what are you worth

Matthew 10:29-31 "what is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? but not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your father knowing it. and the very hairs on your head are all numbered. so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

i have times where i struggle with what i’m worth. sometimes it’s due to situations. sometimes it’s due to words.

as i come to grips with my feelings of self worth, what i think i’m worth, where i find my value and what i think it is i’ve been more aware of those around me. mostly women. i’m not judging them or trying to analyze them based on deep seated and hidden traits. i’m more noticing the very visible signs of insecurity.

trying on a skirt you really like but saying “it’s too full”. the skirt wasn’t too full, you didn’t like the way it looked on your body. we’ve all done it, it’s why i understand the language.

“i don’t have any reason to dress up, i wear casual clothes all the time”. said wistfully looking at a pretty, girly dress in a boutique. you want to dress pretty, dress pretty for you. i know it works for me (i’m wearing a pink cami with lace trim, a ruffly tan peasant skirt and pink sparkly sandals as i type this) and i feel pretty, oh so pretty…i feel pretty and witty and …

i can’t speak for men, never been one. but i have been a woman, a grown up one a long time now, and i know that life and society and family and sadly, even other women chip away at our self esteem.  and life, what it does to the external beauty – stretch marks and cellulite and gravity and wrinkles and gray hair. 

society/pop culture – size 0 models with perfect skin and perfect hair and perfect teeth and air brushed photos and women like jennifer aniston whose husband trades her in for an even more beautiful successful actress. kardashian women talking about their “real” bodies and “real” curves.

family – we lose our identities becoming wives and mothers and drivers and cooks and maids and laundresses and begin to see ourselves through our families eyes as just the food on the table, the clothes in the closet and someone that’s a real person only when you’ve had a bad day and need someone to build you up. once that’s done, i love you mom, see you later.

other women – is anything worse than a mean girl? yes, a mean woman. a mean girl who never outgrew it. a mean girl who strikes out with a vengeance intent to hurt. who sharpens her words to do the most damage. i feel sorry for these women because they speak from a heart of pain. they see themselves with even less value. they need to put other women down to feel better about themselves. they build themselves up because no one in their life is doing it for them. and i have to admit, i can throw some pretty sharp verbal barbs, i work very hard at reigning my tongue and don’t do as well as i would like.

when was the last time someone said you were beautiful or that you looked nice? that they thought you were amazing. not for running a marathon or climbing a mountain or surviving a snake bite or running bear crawl sprints. (i have to use my examples, it’s all i have).

amazing for surviving 18 years or 27 years or 44 years on this earth and still getting out of bed every day.

amazing for raising your children to hold down jobs and just be normal run of the mill law abiding citizens.

amazing for staying married through all the problems that are a natural part of that relationship.

amazing because you are a single woman supporting yourself, living your life on your terms because that’s the way you wanted it or the way it worked out. not settling just because you don’t want to be alone.  refusing to be less because you are not defined as wife and mother, but defined as woman.

amazing because you are you. you are fearfully and wonderfully made. in the image of the great god himself.

please know that i think you are amazing. each and every one of you.

yes, even you.

and if i could, i’d tell you to your face.


YOU.ARE.AMAZING.


YOU.ARE.VALUABLE.


YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU KNOW.  MORE THAN YOU BELIEVE

this post is dedicated to my dear friend jenny cummins, inspired by her through an e-mail she sent me on a "down day".  i love you.