here’s the readers digest version. i went on a week long pity party. part of it was the post marathon - no training, physically tired, mentally exhausted feeling. throw in steve feeling better after surgery finally and whitney settling into school. i always fall apart after the hard stuff is done. part of it was a series of unfortunate events (still have all these books, anyone interested?) that just kept me spiraling down. steve knew i was cranky, i didn’t share why. just kept it to myself, let it fester. enjoyed being miserable.
the end of the week did me in. friday night at the football game i got an upsetting phone call. i finally told steve what was really bothering me and once i had told him a surprising thing happened. i started feeling better. on the way home from the football game i prayed, pretty much told god i knew he was god, he could do what he said he could, and would do what he wanted, and that was best. and this is what i wanted and i believed he would do it.
saturday was better. we came home from whitney’s volleyball tournament, i opened the mail, big 8.5 x 11 envelope addressed to me and the contents? exactly what i had told god i wanted. it’s important to stress it was a want. i don’t pray “wants” very often. but this was like a gift wrapped package with a note card from god that said “yes, i love you”.
not sure if i can say this right, but god answering the prayer did more for me than getting what i wanted.
it doesn’t always work that way. it’s not a slot machine type of deal. lots of my prayers go unanswered or get a big fat no. this was just one of those special moments. i remember every time this has happened. here’s one of my favorites.
one saturday 10 (ish) years ago i had prayed in one of my needy times that i knew jesus loves me, but could he just somehow show it? i needed it to feel real. whitney was sitting with me in church the next day, sunday morning. being very good and drawing. she handed me a folded up note
couldn’t get more plain than that.
i read a passage in john, chapter 15.
“as the father has loved me, so have I loved you”. perfect love. unshakeable, unbreakable, unwavering, unending, unearned.
“abide in my love”. stay in it. never leave it.
“you did not choose me but i chose you”. he chose me. he wants me. he loves me.
“go and bear fruit that your fruit should abide so that whatever you ask the father in my name he may give it to you”. not sure exactly how to get this right to bear fruit and have my fruit abide so that whatever i ask…i’m sure my week of cranky followed by my surrender is a step in that direction.
wherever this finds you today, i pray that you feel the love of god in your life. these verses were written just for me, but they were also written just for you.
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