Rocks

I looked at the large pile of rocks in front of me.

They all had writing on them, and as I looked closer the writing was a name and a sin, many with a time and date. There were several rocks that had the same name on them, just different sins. As I read them, I realized these were my rocks. People who had wronged me and I had started collecting rocks to throw. There was no doubt they deserved to be thrown. I wanted to throw these rocks with a purpose. I wanted to hurt these people the way they had hurt me. I picked one up, in particular and it felt pretty good in my hand. She deserved it. She knew she did. I knew she was waiting for me to throw it. And because I hadn’t (yet) she thought I was a godly woman. Oh, how many of these rocks had her name on them.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw on the edge of my pile of rocks a man standing with a much larger pile of rocks in front of him. My eyes were drawn to him, even from this distance I could see the love and compassion in his eyes. I was ashamed of myself when I realized who it was.

It was Him. And here I was with an unconsciously unintentionally collected pile of rocks, holding one in my hand. Mentally I had already thrown these, several times. Physically, somehow, this man had stopped me from the actual destruction I could’ve caused.

I felt myself drawn closer to him, wanting to say I’m sorry. I pushed through the rocks toward him, toward the large pile I saw right at his feet. As I got closer, I could see the writing on the rocks.

Judgment
Hypocrisy
Anger
Bitterness
Laziness
Liar
Proud
Deceitful
Selfish

There were more rocks below these with words I couldn’t read. I bent over and picked up a rock. There was a name on the other side that I recognized, a time and date. The same on the next one…and it all crashed in on me. These were also my rocks. Times and dates and names of people who were going to throw them at me. And I had deserved them. The pile seemed to grow before my eyes as I looked at more and more names and sins I was guilty of through my tear blurred vision.

I dropped in front of him, tears rolling down my face, kneeling on these rocks meant for me. As the rock in my hand fell at his feet, realization dawned that these rocks were here, at his feet, where they had been dropped in shame, as I was now, and walked away from before they could be hurled at me. These were the hits that I should have taken. Hits I deserved. Yet in his mercy, he protected me. He stood in the gap for me. He offered the opportunity to others to show grace to me, and they had.

I stayed on my knees at his feet and asked forgiveness. For both piles of my rocks.

When I stood up and looked around, I noticed my pile of rocks no longer had names and accusations on them.

I no longer felt the need to throw.

When I looked for Him, he was gone…but I still felt his presence.