wander woman: Happy Mother's Day

Yes, she, thought, I am that mom.

That mom that takes 5 kids to the grocery store at 5:30 in the afternoon, the busiest time of the day. The mom with 5 kids all talking and trying to tell her about their day. Not loud, but just 5 of them make more noise than 1 does. And they take up more room than 1.

She really doesn’t enjoy taking them to the store with her. Well, that’s not true, she loves having them with her. She doesn’t like the judgment of the other patrons.

Yes, the baby has a snotty nose. She is teething. She is not sick or contagious, and she won’t touch anything that you will, you won't be contaminated.

Yes, my husband could watch them, if he wasn't working full time and going to school full time. Even if he is home, he’s so tired he can barely keep his eyes open and watching five rambunctious kids is trying on even the most patient person. And after leaving the kids at school and with a sitter all week while she works, she hates to leave them more and pay more for child care.

Yes, she thought, I am that mom.

That mom that forgot about the diarama of Charlotte’s Web due in 4th grade English. The mom that will now sit up with her 9 year old two hours past bedtime making a pig out of a wooden thread spindle, pipe cleaners and googly eyes because mom has known about it for two weeks, but forgot about it, and there is no way the 4th grader can do it on his own in time. And it’s 50% of the grade (why do teachers do that? Do they not have kids of their own?) It’s also a big deal to him to have a diarama on display in the class.

Yes, she thought, I am that mom.

That looks at the clock and calculates that after she finishes the laundry because she hadn’t washed the baseball uniform (for the last three games, and he is the catcher, and the socks really are so stiff that they are standing up on their own and it was muddy at the last game) and packs lunches the baby will be waking up for midnight feeding and then, when she can finally lay down she might get 4 hours of sleep.

Yes, she thought, I am that mom.

The mom that has heard “why did you have five kids if you can’t keep up”. She never answers “I didn’t plan too.” Never responds that she does know what causes it and she knows what birth control is. Yes, she has a television. Three of her kids are stepdaughters that she loves so much it hurts, but constantly is under attack by them and their parents because she doesn’t parent them correctly. As unfair as it is, you are allowed to make mistakes with your own kids. It's accepted, even expected, even by the kids. On the other hand, perfection is required as stepmom. The other two kids, well, she knows three methods of birth control that don’t work. God really wanted her to have those babies. And she is so glad. So thankful.

Yes, she thought, I am that mom.

That mom that has willingly given up even more sleep to sit outside her kids bedrooms and pray for them all night the night before a test or volleyball tryouts or state tournaments or debate or court dates.

The mom that has sat in the bleachers in a heavy coat, hat, gloves while wrapped in two blankets because she might miss a hit, or a throw to second base. And every single moment is precious.

Yes, she thought, I am that mom.

The mom that would give anything to take 5 kids to the store again. That would love to make a diarama of anything. The mom that still spends hours praying the night before finals or a job interview. That cries harder when her adult children hurt than over any pain she has ever felt for herself.

The mom that has to not help because while that is what she wants to do more than anything, her help causes more harm in the long run. The mom that has to watch the hard lessons being learned while it tears at her, because being mom is the hardest, but most rewarding and worthwhile thing she has ever done.

Happy Mother’s Day to every woman who has ever loved a child, their's or someone else's.

On some level, if you've loved a child, you get this.

My Kids

Kari, age 23