I suffer from insomnia. I have tried lots of things. Doc says my mind just never slows down. He says its stress related. I believe him. He prescribes low dosage anti-depressants to level me out. Can’t do that, I like being manic, moody, and emotional. Don’t take away my tears! Actually, I can’t abide the side effects. So when it’s bad I rely on Tylenol PM or Benadryl and late night television re-runs. Enter: The Real Housewives of Orange County, New York City, New Jersey, Atlanta, etc. I don’t like many of these women. I know the editors show you what they want to, and you may be missing out on the real person, but I can only say WOW! I wouldn’t let anyone follow me around with a camera, but the excesses of these women are unbelievable.

I was thinking of this show in context of the women I know. I would love to have a “The Real Housewives of Wichita, Kansas” show. Although finding a woman in Wichita that owns a $16,000 orange purse would be impossible. Here’s the thing though. While Wichita is not without its excesses, I can afford to eat in any restaurant Wichita has to offer on our measly annual 5 figure income. Yeah, I said it. 5 figure income, are you jealous? We don’t even have Macy’s or Nordstrom’s. We have Dillard’s, Sears, and JC Penney. If its high end and you want it, you are driving to KC or Dallas or ordering on line. I think I would make good reality television (except that I hate to be on film). I am blessed (cursed?) with a sharp wit, a quick tongue and very few filters between brain and mouth, so the “lost footage” surrounding me would be golden. Back to my “Real Housewives of Wichita, Kansas” saga. Do you think people would watch us take our kids to the water park? The local water park that cost $5.00 to get into? I’m not talking “Whitewater Bay” or “Oceans of Fun”, Derby Water Park, Winfield Water Park, or better yet, YMCA Water Park. Or how about getting together for the zoo? We do our own remodeling projects. When I say we do our own, we get paint on us. We pour cement. We stain floors. We put up wood. I don’t have a single housewife friend that has help with her housework (unless you count my friend who has two kids and Grandma babysits them and sometimes picks them up and will run the vacuum or fold laundry or load the dishwasher). OKAY, I’M TALKING ABOUT ME. Thanks mom. And Sheila’s mom. Can you imagine following us to the clearance racks on shopping trips? Or to Target? And please, a day at the spa? We do our own pedicures. Well, I have some friends that spring for professional ones. (Once I started running and needed them weekly I couldn’t afford to have it done anymore, do it at home now). I do have a handful of friends who have had plastic surgery, but usually we are having stuff taken out, not put in. And it’s really hard to get in and see the one plastic surgeon, because he gives top slots to burn victims and breast cancer patients.
The women I described above, none are above middle class. None have ever hosted a charity event to raise money for “their” charity. But everyone gives. Maybe not as much actual cash, but percentage wise, and time wise and talent wise, they out give every one of the women on these ridiculous shows. They are as real as their bodies. (Was gonna say as real as their boobs, but didn’t want to offend anyone.) And NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM is married to a wuss. Their men are stand up guys that take care of their families and their wives. They do manly things, like golf and build decks and run marathons and volunteer in their churches, and help each other out, and have other men friends. Real friends. They play catch with their kids and throw their babies in the air till they laugh. They take their wives out for dinner because they want to, not because the cameras are on them.

So to all my Housewives of Wichita, I’m thankful to know you. You have made my life better by being a part of it, and I think anyone who doesn’t know you has missed out on some brightness in life. While I don’t ever want to be on reality television, I think it would do the real housewives of New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Orange County etc. a world of good to see what the term REAL HOUSEWIFE really means. So strut your home pedicures, at home hair color, or even if you get it done at the salon, don’t tell anyone we only pay $75.00 for that here. Strut your small chest, your saggy chest and less than perfect body, your real nails, skinny lips and knock off purses. Continue to make your coffee at home or get it at Kwik Shop for $.99 instead of $4.00 at Starbucks. That’s what makes us REAL!

You guys know I love you, and I’m praying for all of you.