Secret Life #3

Behind the mask/disguise.

I was very interested in the sermon. Pretending. I’m good at it. Or I think I am. If you can see behind my mask, let me keep the illusion that everyone doesn’t know that I’m a basket case. I’ll tell you how good I am at it. I had a total melt down a couple weeks ago. I’m talking I embraced my inner toddler and it was ugly. And when I unloaded on Steve and told him how I felt, he had no idea. I had him fooled. I wear a mask. Some areas I can be transparent. But in some areas I think people want me to wear my mask.
Example #1 – We have plans to go out to dinner with friends. I have had the roughest week at work, stressful things going on at home, and the last thing I want to do is socialize with people. (Add to that I’m retaining water from the extra sodium I consumed to prepare for a 13 mile run in 100 degree heat the next day). This is a dinner we can’t reschedule. I can’t show up wearing my miserable face from the stressful week. The one that wants to put on comfy clothes and order pizza and sit on the couch watching free on demand television all night. I have to dress up, fix my hair and maintain positive and polite conversation. (My public demands this.)
Example #2 – Church, where I get asked about 100 times how I am doing. Does anyone want to hear “not worth a crap, but thanks for asking?” Most of these people aren’t asking me because they really want to know, it’s just a salutation. Am I faking when I say okay, or good? Probably, but I think in this instance it’s okay.
Example #3 – My kids think I’m a nuisance. Their friends think I’m cool.
I think the real issue here is not faking a good attitude or a positive attitude in bad times. I think it’s pretending to be something we are not. The example was used of parents fighting all the way to church and then getting to church and being super Christians. People who live horrid sinful lives all week and on Sunday mornings clean up for the day. Our world needs to see people who live all week the way they live on Sunday. People who choose to live for God everyday, all day.