Hey Diddle, Diddle

I love to read the books of the New Testament 1 Peter and 2 Peter. There is something about a man that walks with Jesus, lives life with Jesus, sees him taken away to be killed, denies him, sees him come back to life, and accepts face to face his forgiveness for this. When I think about a man who walked with Jesus and saw his miracles and yet still denied he knew him, I wonder how you could do that. But I think my life does not always give witness that I know him. And I have met Jesus and walked with him too. But I was raised by Christian parents and accepted Christ as my Savior at a young age, and everything I’ve done wrong I did after I knew him. I love those testimonies where people say what a sinner they were when Jesus found them and they turned their life around and live for him. I on the other hand, was probably out partying with them and they had no idea I knew Jesus. I have put those sins under the blood of Christ, and I try with everything I have to live for him. Not the way other godly women live for him, I’ve tried to mimic them and I’ve tried to model myself after godly women. Ultimately though, I accept that Christ modeled the life I’m supposed to live, and that’s what I try to do. I really sell myself short when I try to be someone or something I’m not. There is a sign here at work that says “Always remember, you are unique. Just like everyone else”. I love this. We are all created unique, and while it makes me special that no one else is like me, it makes them special that no one else is like them. But it also makes us all the same in our uniqueness. I’m not better, I’m just different. There are women I know I wish I was more like. I wish I had M’s laid back easy going outlook, go with the flow. J’s kindness to everyone she meets. There is no way she can like everybody (is there?) and yet it appears she does. I would love to be more like C with her ability to always say the right thing, even in chastisement, kindly. S’s determination, she’s never failed at anything. R’s organizational and planning abilities. K’s “water off a ducks back” dealing with the past.

And when I was thinking about this, I know I can’t be like these women. God gave them these strengths. If I try to make it mine, it becomes fake, and I definitely never want to be fake. Truth is, unlike M, I get wound up. I can go against the flow and really wear myself out and sometimes, you do need to fight. Generally I get over it pretty quick (Steve makes me). I try to be kind to people, but I’ve also developed good avoidance skills. Big smile and wave and duck into a bathroom stall. Not the nicest thing to do. (And if you see me and I duck into a bathroom, give me the benefit of the doubt right now, it may not be personal, I have grown in this area too. Running 60 miles a week, hydration, salt tablets, abuse of diet coke and the introduction of pumpkin spice lattes into Starbucks fall line up may have more to do with it than just avoiding you, because if you are reading this, you have to be one of my favorite people.) I try never to chastise anyone or address areas of conflict. I’m better off scolding my kids virtually. That’s right, with a text. Don’t judge me. I hate conflict, and I know I shouldn’t duck and run when it really is needed, but I do. Am I the only one who has apologized by email or text to her husband? Again don’t judge me. There is an upside to this too though, by avoiding hard conversations till they have to happen and learning to hold my tongue (the armor of God should include a muzzle for people like me) has protected me from saying some things I would have to apologize for and could never undo the hurt.
I have to be very organized at work, a lot of my job is planning and scheduling. I order millions of dollars of inventory on a monthly basis. I keep about 400 people (if the material isn’t here to build, they can get sent home, affects their paychecks) working building airplane parts to schedules while maintaining a certain level of inventory, actual stock on hand and dollars in inventory. But you’d never know it at my house. We run out of toilet paper and milk and deodorant and diet coke and occasionally gas in the car. And if I could have the time back I’ve spent obsessing about my past and what I should have done differently, I’d add 10 years back to my life. Good point to this, I don’t repeat my mistakes often, because they are so close in my memory.
I’m going to try and make sense of where this came from, not sure if I can, but recently I have been in contact with two women that everything they say is quoted from the Scriptures and/or about God. From asking me how am I meeting my husband’s needs, down to asking me if I fix his favorite meals and do I know what is most important to him in the running of our household. I know what’s most important to my husband. He is a man. He has very basic needs. Sex, food and cable TV. (Whoops, he has instructed - Mandated? Banned? Censored? I’m not allowed to talk about sex on my blog.) And these women made me feel briefly, guilty because I’m not that as godly as they are. I talk about Whitney’s volleyball and the television show I watched and Saturday’s training run. I discuss recipes (sounds better than saying food) and talk to people about their kids and families. I read secular magazines, fashion magazines, running magazines. I’m not going to be the lady tweeting only inspirational sayings or lyrics from songs or Scripture references all the time. I may throw a quote from The Office out there or the lyrics to a secular song. Who’s not uplifted by “hey diddle diddle with a kitty in the middle and they swingen like they just don’t care”?
I Peter 2:15-17 says “It is God’s desire that by doing good you should stop foolish people from saying stupid things about you. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Live as servants of God. Show respect for all people: love the brothers and sisters of God’s family, respect God, honor the King.” (NCV) I should do good. What I do that is good may not be the same as the lady next to me doing good (like dodging into the bathroom). I should live as a free person, but not use my freedom as an excuse to do evil. I believe talking about volleyball to the other parents allows me to build relationships, which allows me to offer to pray, to offer help, to give godly advice, to WITNESS about my Savior. Ultimately, show respect for all people, fragilities and failures not withstanding, and love, love, LOVE. These things I can do. We have to choose to love, wholeheartedly, unabashedly, unafraid of being hurt. An old Michael W. Smith song comes to mind, “love isn’t love till you give it away.” I’m thinking of new ways to show love and remembering to tell people that I love them. I started today. Told one of Whitney’s friend’s mom how much I love her daughter. Think I’ll tell the daughter too. Hope everyone has a blessed day, full of love. I LOVE ALL OF YOU!