Sometimes I miss the pumpkin

Or alternately titled "Thank goodness there were no cell phones or internet when I was 21."
I got a text from my brother that told me he was telling a friend the pumpkin story. My pumpkin story. When I was 21 I had a friend who was in the band "Bitter Sinatra". What, never heard of it? He is still a friend, but now the band is "Naughty Astronauts" and they are not a family friendly group, to say the least. But I digress, as usual. Halloween my 21st year, Bitter Sinatra was playing a huge Halloween party. I was a groupie. I was "with the band". My friend married a good friend of mine and was also friends with my brother, we were a tight group. This party had huge jack o lanterns with the bottom cut out instead of the top. And one was cut perfect to fit my head. I could even see out the eye holes. And I wore it most of the evening. I wasn't in costume, so it looked even funnier. I got on the dance floor with a real pumpkin jack o lantern on my head. I had everyone in stitches. Mostly because I didn't plan to be a jack o lantern, I just went with it. I do still remember how bad my neck and shoulders hurt the next day from wearing a 20 pound pumpkin. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm twice her age. I don't think I'm fun any more either. I get pretty bogged down with life. Same night as pumpkin text came in, Whitney wanted to go to the Y with a friend. I told her no. No reason other than it's a 15 minute drive there, back, and then back to get her. And Steve said "but you never say no." And I took that as criticism. It wasn't. But sometimes I miss the care free girl in the pumpkin. Oh sure, I had my own apartment and job and paid my own bills and insurance, but I lived for me. What I wanted to do. What I wanted to eat. Where I wanted to go. If I wanted to buy a new pair of shoes with my grocery money and eat a hot dog every night of the week for dinner to pay for them, I could. There were not trips to Walmart to buy poster board for science projects and protein for the husband and breakfast food for everyone.
But as much as I say sometimes I miss the pumpkin, I hadn't thought about it since the last time someone reminded me. Because while those were good times, and easier times, the rewards of life now are so much greater. Today I saw the framed poster on the wall in the cafeteria at the middle school today honoring the 2009-2010 undefeated middle school volleyball team. It will hang there forever. With Whitney's picture and name. I made cookies for the baseball game dinner between the double header tomorrow and finished addressing graduation announcements tonight. And when I think about the last 18 years, I wouldn't trade my memories of Nate and the life he has and the potential he has (God help him use it) for all the pumpkins in the world. This post comes after I saw to beautiful young ladies post on facebook; one turning 25 and one turning 29, and neither was excited about it. I'm on the other side of 40 and I wouldn't go back. I used to hear that and wondered how old people could feel that way. Now I know. Because one evening in my life, just this one evening was full of positive things about my family. Good things.
And if there had been cell phones and internet 21 years ago (or at least like we have them now) this would be on the web for all to see. I'm kind of glad it's not.