My cauldron

This is me. Stirring my cauldron. A cauldron of bubbling nasty thoughts. I have them, and I have days (weeks, months???) where I struggle to control my mind.

Thoughts of fear, fear of what the future holds.

Thoughts of anxiety, what if?

Thoughts of insecurity, I'm not enough.

Thoughts of anger, how could you do that to me? Why did that happen to me?

Thoughts of discouragement, is this as good as it's gonna ever be?

Psalm 94:11 The LORD knows people’s thoughts; he knows they are worthless!

Yes, these thoughts are worthless, but they are real. They are something that I have to deal with. Along with these thoughts are other types of unnecessary and hurtful thoughts. I'm going to share a couple of examples of how ugly I can be sometimes.

How could you say that to me? My daughter only made the varsity volleyball team last year because so and so quit? "we were all wondering if Whitney would ever get a chance to play, how she would find a spot on the team." The thought that I managed to keep inside my head at this comment? Your daughter who is 6 foot tall and made varsity this year played twice before she got busted back to JV. She had a spot handed to her and she couldn't keep it. My daughter busted her butt and earned a spot, and never lost it.

How can you be that rude? I'm standing right here. As I'm in the middle of conversation with a friend and another one of her friends walks up (this friend knows me too) and begins talking like I'm not there. Never acknowledges me, makes eye contact and smiles or even says Hi. Just like I'm not there. This thought? Witch. You don't have to be my friend, you don't even have to include me, but I'm kinder to the person at QT that opens the door for me or the cashier at Walmart that's never seen me before than you were in church this morning.

So I throw these thoughts into my cauldron and begin to stir them up and make them more than they should be. I serve them back up to myself in a steaming mess of revenge and payback that should never be part of who I am.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!


Certainly don't have my thoughts fixed on Jesus at times like this. They are centered solely on myself. How I feel, getting even, having my say. This is not the person I want to be. I made that comment this weekend. I'm responsible for me. Not how others treat me or feel about me, but how I behave. If I lose sight of that, I lose a big part of myself. I don't ever want to be the mean girl. I don't ever want to pay someone back for how they treated me. Even if they deserve it. Even if I didn't deserve what I got. I always come back to this.

Mark 12:30-31 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”


No room for payback or revenge. Sometimes showing love is simply keeping my mouth shut.

2 Corinthians 10:5 and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.

Capture every thought. Every thought. Be obedient to Christ. Love your neighbor as yourself.