It seems most of my relationships are changing. Except Sheila - not so much. She is (outside of family) the longest relationship I have, and (including family, to a large extent) the most solid and consistent.
My relationship with Steve has changed and matured and morphed over the years. Right now I believe he is my biggest supporter, proudest fan, and loves me more than anyone else. There have been times I wouldn't say that, but there have been times honestly I gave him no reason too. We've chosen a life together and we are better for sticking with it.
My relationship with Nate the last two years he was home was rocky. He obeyed the rules, he was respectful, but it very passive aggressive. He loves me and respects me as his mom, and he never was verbally disrespectful, but it was there. I chalked it up to growing from boy to man. And then after he was home at Christmas I got the most beautiful text from him, apologizing for his behavior and the way he left. "I just was young and immature and had to figure things out on my own. I'm sorry." And then, a couple months ago, this one "everything I have that matters I got from you. Not materially, that doesn't matter. I know what's really important. I know how to find the light and how to walk in it, because you taught me". Oh, I needed to hear that. To feel like I got it right. There have been a couple more, but this week he was making a decision about work and asked for advice because "you have years of experience and this is all new to me". I stood up from my desk and actually said to God "how did I get him? How did I raise this without screwing it up?" He's growing into a man that will be respected and admired. Our relationship is changing. We are now discussing philosophy books and religion books and all the things he used to laugh at me for - reading for entertainment and personal growth, running for physical and spiritual and mental health...he gets it. When he asks if I've read something, I love to discuss Don Quixote or Dante's Inferno or the Metamorphoses or the Lost Gospels wth him.
And then there is Whitney. She will be 16 in August. I'm teaching her to drive. Well, Steve and I are. "Mom, you sit in the back, I'll drive with dad". And then she looks in the back seat and says "no back seat driving. Dad will tell me if I do something wrong." I know more about what she is up to through Twitter. Like last nights late night sand volleyball tournament with Crystal and another friend (they won). I knew she was staying with Crystal, didn't know about volleyball (this makes 5 games or practices in the last 3 days). She is growing up too fast. But she's still a little girl. We will get there, it's just hard watching this relationship change. She should still be my baby.
I have others, Jenny moved to Boston. That drastically changed that relationship. Carrie moved home from Boston, that changed our relationship. Kelly & Michelle moved to Seattle.
And then there are the bad relationships, harmful, hurtful, that you just have to cut out. There are a couple of these. A person I know that I wish I didn't, I need to cut that one completely I just don't know how. Do I tell them I need them to stay away? Does it need to be addressed? Can it go away with unresolved hurt? And a former friend from church that isn't a friend anymore, I think because I have failed miserably in areas of my life that she doesn't know how to deal with. The last time I talked to her was so stilted and awkward that I'm letting her go too.
I've been thinking about all my relationships. Am I what I should be? Am I the wife; the helper, the submissive one? Am I mom; not friend or not competitor, but cheerleader, advisor and problem solver where possible? Am I a true friend? Do I pay attention to who might need an email or phone call or meet for coffee or a shared aerobics class? Who needs encouragement? Do I take the time to offer?
Relationships are not easy. They take work. Anything worth having is worth working for. Relationships, like life have time spent in the valley. Not perfect, not pain free. But worth it.
And I want you to know today that when I hit the publish button I prayed for everyone that will read this. That God will bless you. Just where you need it.
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