prone to wander

this is a line from a great song.  a hymn, made popular again recently by contemporary worship.  i remember the first time we sang it at church, it was unusual to know all the verses to a song that was new to the majority of the people in church.

i'm a wanderer.  i feel like i have been unsettled and wandering my whole life.  i guess that is the way it's supposed to feel, as this isn't my home.  i'm just passing through.  wandering day to day. 

trying to find my way. 
trying to stay found. 
trying to not get attacked by the wild animals.
trying to forge my own way.
trying to maneuver over, under, around and through the obstacles. 

in april when i ran the rockin k marathon i discovered i liked to hike.  i liked the adventure.  i liked to push myself to do things i'd never done before.  crawling up the bluff was amazing.  just knowing i did it.  the view was well worth the climb, if the climb in itself hadn't been a reward.  add boulder and the black hills to it and i'm becoming a wandered.  i can't call myself an explorer, because i'm not looking for anything.  like running, i'm in it for the hike/climb/fall as much as the destination.

i feel like i'm wandering spiritually.  questioning so much of what i was taught.  reading my bible and looking for the answers myself.  redefinining what i really believe, for me.  not what was spoon fed to me for years.

i'm wandering in my personal life.  with whitney starting her junior year and being an independent child, i have so much free time.  i went from sixty to zero it seems overnight.  which is backward.  i can do the things i love.  i can do the things i want to do.  i'm not sure what all that it is.  i can't climb a mountain every week, so i'm wandering through this time of life, rediscovering my passions and what i like to do. 

they are much different than what i loved twenty years ago.  i'm not one who has to find herself, i know where i am.  i'm not lost. 

i'm just wandering. 

and enjoying the trip.  the view.  the people.  the experiences.

i intend to continue to wander as long as i can.