Losing the competition but claiming the prize

I was told the other day that IT IS a competition and I am not the winner. 

I agreed. 

I don't win much. 

I'm at the end of the pack.  I'm a slow finisher.  That's when I'm actually  in the race.  I'm content to be on the sideline a lot of times.

When I'm in the competition, I try.  I try hard at everything I do. I try to be kind and loving and forgiving.  I fail.  I lose.  But I keep trying.  I try really hard not to be mean and be offensive, and yet I still offend people.  It's gonna happen.  And I try to apologize if I can. 

But back to not winning.  I thought about it.  And it bothered me.  Is it okay if I admit that someone that shouldn't be able to hurt me anymore still can?  That I'm still not over something that happened a while ago?  I'm a slow healer.  Being called a loser hurt.  Okay, putting words out that weren't said.  I was called "not the winner of a competition". 

I realized I control this.  I can cut this completely out of my life.  So with this post, it is done.  No more room in my life for this individual, whether it's kind and complimentary emails (I don't have to open them, I have a delete button) or ugly blog posts about me.

I accept I am not the winner of the competition. 

I'm not the winner. 

But I got the prize.  Several actually.

I have a husband I adore.
I have children that I think the sun rises and sets on. 

These two above would be more than enough in one life.  But...

I have a job that pays enough. And provides incredible insurance.
I like what I see in the mirror, from head to toe.  (inside and outside) 
More material possessions than I need.
I am stronger physically, mentally and spiritually now then I was 10/20 years ago.

I have a do over everytime I need it with God.  He forgives and lets me start over.  And in his eyes, I am a winner. 

So if I have offended you with my words, email me or text me or post a comment.  I'll do what I can to make it right.  Because hurt and offense are never my intention.  Life is hard enough without me inflicting more damage with words. 

What about you? 

Are you winning?

Or do you just have the prize.