I have facebook envy

The other day I logged onto facebook and saw everyone posting about how great their

Dinner
Spouse
Kids
Lives
Workout
Marriage, etc.
Was. Is.

I also saw one that said I am happy, one that gave advice on how to have a great marriage (it was stupid advice, but still…) one that was before and after weight loss pictures and a “buy my product and you can look like me too”. I always want to ask what happens when I quit your product? Do I gain 50 pounds back? Because that’s my experience. No matter how you lose your weight, if you don’t stay with it it all comes back. Whether it’s pills, eating prepackaged Styrofoam, or my way of counting calories and running my but off.

This will eventually be the reason I terminate facebook. I know that no one has a perfect life. Or maybe I am the only one who really does have problems. I have a dang good life but it’s far from perfect. I guess I’m too much of a realist. I don’t want to post a picture of dinner, like the grilled chicken and squash marsala that I made that was as beautiful as it was tasty, because I would feel the obligation to post the follow up meals the next two days. Fazoli’s and a bowl of cheerios.

I had a good 13 mile run. I just would feel that telling you all about my good 13 mile run would require that I also let you know that at mile 4 I realized it was lunch time and I hadn’t even had breakfast yet so I ran in Quik Trip and had a donut. With caramel frosting. And discussed running and running tights with the cutest little 9 year old that was willing to take up long distance running for purple tie dyed running tights. And at mile 10 I stopped for a drink. At Starbucks. I was needing energy, I was cold, it was 32 degrees out. It helped immensely, providing caffeine, sugar and warmth. Real runners might judge me for this and yet by my standards it was a good run…

My marriage? Sometimes you can do all the right things and still have bad things happen. But Sunday morning leading worship with Steve and he prays at the end of the worship set before the sermon and I can hear and feel the emotion in his voice, and I know we are good. I know in spite of everything we’ve lived through or maybe because of everything we’ve lived through, we’re tougher, we’re stronger and we’re good. We are where we want to be, together.

My kids? Single moms; divorce imminent for one; one taking a semester break from college trying to figure out life and why things happen and make some changes for the good; adoption for a grandchild coming up; and let’s not forget my little cyber bully. Yet I love them fiercely, passionately, and can give you a mile long list of good qualities about each one of the five.

Anyway, I spouted off that I had facebook envy. Everyone seemed to have their lives together and I remain me. I admit I’m a spaz. And I got an outpouring of “I’m a spaz too”. Paraphrasing, but you get the idea. Letting me know that I’m not the only one that doesn’t have it all figured out. One friend says If I'm not me, then we aren't we, and I love Carrie to death, so I'm keeping that we. One friend simply commented, “hello? Have you met me?” Yes, Elia, and I love you. Another one said we can be a mess together and if Kimberly's a mess, yes please, I'll have some of that. One dear friend posted a picture of her monster filled dust bunny just to help me feel less alone. Teresa’s so cool.

How awesome is my herd! The comments didn’t even include the friends who contacted me outside this virtual world to let me know not how awesome I am, but how unawesome they are too. I loved that. I didn’t need to be built up, I needed to know there were other women who don’t have it together either.

There is one more I don’t get. I can pray in front of people. Bible Study, corporate worship, before meals, with my family. I can share my prayer life. But as a facebook status? Typing out some beautiful prayer on facebook? If I'm typing prayers ine should be “dear God, don’t let me post this…”

Maybe it’s because Jesus hasn’t friended me yet?

However, He does follow me on twitter.